Tuning in…
Tuning in…
Castaway
1 appearance
Broadcaster and former cricketer; first black woman to play for England and commentate on men's internationals; 2009 World Cup winner; founded Ace charity.
On the island
Eight records
James Brown and the Famous Flames
Funk is my thing. When I listen to this song, I'm just always like, I want to just run to the drum kit and play straight away.
Yeah, so this is mum's go-to. Whenever I think of mum dancing around the household and and in her zone, this song, Sophia George, Girly Girly, Reggie Music was kind of what mum at her peak and life at home was like.
Yeah, Pass Me Over by Anthony Hamilton, American Soul Singer. And whenever me and my brother hear it, we just, you know, the emotions flow because it's sort of a spiritual song about passing and it just triggers those sort of feelings of just thinking about my brother. So, yeah, it's a very special song to me and him.
A Long WalkFavourite
Yeah, long walk. So Jill Scott, um I think it was her 25th anniversary the other day. So this is around this age when I was 15 and I was really getting into like music and who I was and I saw myself as like maybe I could play for England and this kind of really sums up that era for me.
So Aretha Franklin has always been like my mum's go-to and my go-to. And I think, you know, when you feel like, okay, I've got a good feeling on who I am, I'm rock steady and that sort of vibe. So I think this song is just when I think of getting through all that, and I play it when I'm in a good place.
Yeah, the song Take That, Never Forget. And we sang this consistently and it got us to the peak of our career.
Yeah, this song is uh called Superheroes. I think that's what I think of when I think of all the young people coming through. It's also by Stormzy. This is a bit about sort of black British excellence, but also the multiculturalism. He relates to, I think, the young audience at the moment of all sorts of different backgrounds. So it kind of makes me think of Ace, the young kids coming through and the current society that we're living in.
Final one is I suppose there's always work to do. Isley Brothers is again one of the sort of classic in that era growing up. Even though song's got a bit of romance, but every time I think I've got work to do, I play this song.
In conversation
Presenter asks
2:10Let's start with that idea of flexing that muscle — how do you actually do it?
Outwardly, many people think I'm quite confident because I'm an extrovert, there's no doubt about that. But actually, internally, for many years, there's been doubts, fears consistently. Even doing a show like this, you get tricky and nervous. And, you know, I've invested in coaches and mentors and so many people around. And I did spend time wanting to be perfect, like wanting to be that human that I could delete those emotions. And I maybe wanted to be a robot, actually. And actually, being in sports, sometimes you think the way to do it is be a robot. And actually, the best athletes, I think, embrace all of that and put it in and channel it. I don't think you can ever change being human. So it's kind of been an evolving process. Definitely at peace a lot more with who I am. And that's what sport is about. It's kind of like humans chasing dreams, dealing with the tragedy and the challenges. I'm trying to overcome it to be the best. And it's pretty special.
Presenter asks
7:36What are your memories of your father and of [that difficult relationship]?
And I don't have a huge amount of memories, and it's one of those. I've asked mum sort of the history because I didn't grow up with him and I didn't really have him around in any sort of shape. But mum had gone on holiday to Jamaica from England and bumped into this American guy. He was in the military and he did, you know, photography. And I think they had a little bit of a romance. So come back to the UK. When you, if you ever come over, come and see me. Well, he thought, why not? Let me go and see this lovely lady. Came back to the UK. And you know, I think they had a lovely romance for a little while. I was apparently quite quickly brought to the world. But, you know, from my understanding, you know, when I speak to mum and my brothers, the behavior changed, you know, I think violence and a bit of those, some of those issues. So I have no actual memory of him growing up in my household as a kid because I was ended up made ward of court because of what was going on in the household. Okay. Mum ended up having to sort of, you know, fully single mum, and it's been a weird one. He's now passed away. I spoke to someone got in touch through Instagram, which ended up being a cousin. And I actually spoke to him on his deathbed. And I remember just saying, look, I know clearly a lot went on, but I have no animosity towards you. But it's a weird one. You're conscious as a kid, I didn't have a dad, but I also didn't have bad memories personally because he wasn't in my space. But maybe it's denial. You kind of just go, Do you know what? There's this weird situation. Don't want to deal with it. Park it. And I had so much love around, I just didn't really explore. So mum had to do the heavy lifting, really.
The keepsakes
The book
Paulo Coelho
It's like bit of personal development, bit of chasing your dreams. But every time I read it, it's like has a different meaning. So I feel like if you're trapped on the island and you need a bit of something.
The luxury
I'm going with my drum kit. ... I spend a lot of time just jamming to songs. So the good news is for once I'd actually just focus on practicing, like try and get good.
Presenter asks
13:17You were only five when your eldest brother Jay was killed — what do you remember about it happening?
I still remember like the day like basically the police came to the household to say my brother was in intensive care and you know he had been stabbed multiple times and he was on life with a support machine and it was just kind of like it felt like time just froze for a moment like just a sort of confusion and then I remember us going down to King's College Hospital so my mum was actually working at the hospital at the time she was working at the hospital. Yes, that same hospital where she works. So we all went down there, and I can still see him now. On life support, and I just remember just holding his hand. And people were some people like family members were coming in, like cousins and like people were piling in, going you know, and I remember just holding his hand while it felt like manicness was going on around. And um ... uh yeah, I think it was like 18th of September he went in, 21st it was turned off, and um yeah, it was a real tough one. Um ... What had happened? How would it happen? Yeah, so the background story is: you know, a knife crime wasn't common those days. You know, it much more is now. But then it was quite a shock for the community that you know, making papers. Basically, there was a young boy that my brother had grown up in and around. They used to just fight. You know, sometimes kids fight and they scuffle, scuffle, scuffle, and it kept happening. And then he was in Summerleton Road, which is in Brixton, just down the road from where we grew up. And he was at his girlfriend's house teaching her little brother to ride a bike. So he's out on the road. And the guy came over, started a fight. And my understanding from everybody is that he's like, Look, not today. Can we just leave it? But continued and then pulled out the knife and then stabbed him several times. So, you know, it's not even like you look at it and you think it it it wasn't even worth losing a life. Like it was over nothing, it was over a consistent feud, two kids. It's one of the toughest experiences a family can have. Everything changed after that, you know. Everything changed, you know. I that's I you know, I have no doubt. I I don't think I would have gone on to a sporting career like I have if it wasn't for that because I just threw myself into sport. I just wanted to kind of get away from home. ... It's like energy. It was like running out the emotions that you couldn't speak about. You just needed the break. I needed the yeah, and I just remember being at any play center, any group. I would be at school, preschool and I just wanted to do all the clubs, every single club. And just I just didn't want to be at home because, you know, tears, pain. ... The confusion, it was horrific.
Presenter asks
16:52How does that part of your story sit alongside all of the other things you've achieved? Are you able to accept it as part of who you are?
Just um one of my brothers, Dominic, always kind of has a go at me for like denying, even sometimes wanting to talk or go there. This would be mostly the most I've ever explored it. And he's always like, it's part of your story, it's part of who you are, it's part of why you do a lot of what you do. And you know, he works a lot in space around social justice and stuff like that. And it's mostly driven both of us to like want to help communities and challenging backgrounds. And so I'm getting there. I think I'm just about dealt with the pain to an extent and I'm kind of accepting it. And it's crazy to think that it's so long ago, but yet still feels so real.
Presenter asks
23:33When you were twelve and scouted by Surrey, you entered a new world — how did you find it and how did you fit in?
I definitely didn't feel like I fitted in. I was excited by the sort of, you could see there was a path of something exciting ahead, you know, representing your county and your family was starting to get excited and the school were excited. But I definitely found the experience quite challenging. So I guess, you know, if you take the traditional cricket world I went into there, it was a bit more middle class and upper class. A lot of the kids were either private schools or, you know, full families, maybe some coming in there, late Range Rovers, and there's us sort of either on buses, mums maybe, you know, it was a very different world and there wasn't diversity really. And so it was just maybe just kids who didn't really know what it was like to be around someone differently. So at first it would be sort of just comments about hair and, you know, mum would always cook up Jamaican smelling food and you'd open it up and people like, oh, that, you know, they weren't used to it. So I think there was a lot of stage where I realized quite quickly when I moved into cricket, I was quite different to the girls that I was playing with. I remember a couple of times I remember sat sort of by our table at home, like just crying. That's the worst bit I don't like when I look back at my journey is I started to sort of question myself a bit through that rather than it being the other way around. I didn't, I suppose because you're so often the only person, I started to sort of question myself a little bit. I think it shaped my personality a little bit. I um I tried to like become the joker or try and like deflect a bit and so it it it definitely um chipped away and it got worse as I got older actually rather than better. So I would say early days was just sort of ignorance and or misunderstanding. And then you know I had to deal with some environments where there was some more explicit stuff around things that affected training. ... The hardest bit is then feeling if I challenge this, I'm going to lose my spot or my place.
Presenter asks
35:02In 2020 you shared your experiences of racism in a powerful film — why did you decide to speak so openly about them?
Black Lives Matter is happening, and it's stirring up all these emotions that have completely repressed, or not talked about, or never really gone public with. I thought I was potentially going to lose my career. And I remember calling my mum and brother going, if this goes wrong, because I didn't know if it was going to hit people and they go, stop talking about this. So I just had this moment of going, and Mikey said to me, he was like, if we're going to speak and we're going to have an impact, it's got to be now. And this is where you kind of put, you have to go by your values, not about sort of a moment in your career, like values. And it's mostly the one of the biggest turning points in my life internally as well.
“I don't think I would have gone on to a sporting career like I have if it wasn't for that because I just threw myself into sport. I just wanted to kind of get away from home.”
“I definitely didn't feel like I fitted in. ... I started to sort of question myself a little bit. ... The hardest bit is then feeling if I challenge this, I'm going to lose my spot or my place.”
“I thought I was potentially going to lose my career. And I remember calling my mum and brother going, if this goes wrong, because I didn't know if it was going to hit people and they go, stop talking about this. So I just had this moment of going, and Mikey said to me, he was like, if we're going to speak and we're going to have an impact, it's got to be now.”
“I think if you can bounce back and keep bouncing back despite whatever hits us, that is the thing. So I think that's when I look back at a lot of the things I've gone through and, you know, we touched on today and to go through it and still be here and still smiling actually is the thing I'm most proud of.”