Gary Barlow

The luxury

A piano

I still love music enough to without writing, without being paid to perform, I still sit down and often have an hour at a piano. I love it.

Gary Barlow, the early two thousands were a very difficult time for you. Your well documented difficulties with Robbie had begun and his star was on the rise, but unexpectedly yours wasn't. Now the smart money had been on you as a successful solo artist. What happened?

What happened? In a nutshell, I lost my confidence. I had a very clear view of what was good and bad all the way through the nineties. I was often the person who would even tell the the record labels. No, it's not that one, it's that one. That's the one we should go for. I really knew what was right for me. And for the first time, sort of late 90s, 90s, I remember a couple of people getting in my head: oh, that's not very good. I think you could do better. And where in the past I'd have gone? No, it's all right, thanks. I'm all right with that. It started to get in there. And I just lost my confidence. And so I made a record, my solo album, 12 Months and 11 Days. I made a record by committee. The worst thing you can ever do because when everybody's happy, nobody's happy. And it was a very bland version of where I was at at the time. And I think that people can forgive many things, you know, as an artist's behaviour, things you say, things you do in your private life. bland music, you can never be forgiven for that. And, um, yeah, you know, all of a sudden I found myself alone in a room, feeling like there was nobody who cared.

And alongside all of this, food had become a problem for you as well. Do you think you had an eating disorder?

Oh, most definitely. I actually believe I still do, to be honest. But it's a healthy eating disorder, if there is one. Um. You know, eating was something I've realized through my life, is something I've always turned to, whether it's in good times or bad, almost in a similar way that I turn to music. And it's something that's been very present. It's been often the answer to things, and it's also not been the answer. It's not been the right answer. So I have a strange relationship with food, and I have to say, it evolves. I can't tell you today that I'm in the perfect place. I find it evolves.

Now huge commercial success for you in this time, but also very intense period and within that you suffered two enormous losses. First your dad who passed away in 2009 and then in twenty twelve when you were due to perform at the London Olympics closing ceremony, your daughter Poppy was stillborn and obviously it's an experience that nobody should have to go through. How on earth did you cope with that?

Well, for anyone who's been through anything like this, I think it's something you accept that you're gonna be dealing with for the rest of your life, really. And in a strange way, you don't want it to end because it's one of the few things you have to remind you of the person that's that's not there. So in some ways, the pain and the grief becomes brings you closer to them. I can't really explain it. It's it's it's the simplest way of saying how it feels.

You've been in the public eye for over twenty five years. Now during that time, you've very rarely been the subject of serious press criticism. But in twenty fourteen, there were all sorts of negative headlines when the press reported on your legal tax avoidance accounting. How do you look back on that time now?

Oh, I'm in awful, really, really awful. And it's always important for me to say, I take full responsibility for that. I signed the forms. You know, you try and do these things under the guidance of other people. I don't know a thing about accounts. I never want to. It's of no interest to me. I signed those things. It's my responsibility. So all I could do at that point was just say, hold your hands up, say I'm sorry, and whatever I owe, whatever, just pay it back immediately and get on with your life.