Tuning in…
Tuning in…
Castaway
1 appearance
Agony aunt and writer, known for four decades of giving advice on TV and in print, drawing on her own struggle and tragedy.
On the island
Eight records
In conversation
Presenter asks
1:20You said the greatest enigma is why the pendulum must always swing from zero to a hundred, and never stop at the midway point. Were you talking about the lives of the people who write to you, or about your own life?
And my life has swung from one extreme to the other. … when really most of us want the pendulum to be in the middle. And I think people see it depending on their own view of it. I remember walking across the market square in Sunderland once And a woman who I didn't know put her hand on my arm and said, You've had a tragic life. and walked on, and I stood there thinking, What does she mean? Because I've had a brilliant life. There have been times when I've thought, just as I get things right. Fate steps in and kicks the steps away from under me. But then you pick yourself up again, and one thing I have learned That the anticipation of bad things is much, much worse. than when the bad thing happens. There's almost a sense of relief when you think, well, it's come. Now I deal with
Presenter asks
2:31People must feel that they know you from television. Do they approach you as if your story is their story?
But people are lovely. I think one of the things that I've gained from the years of being an Agniant is that I like the human race much better than I did at the beginning. and I think I've had something emails and letters something like a quarter of a million. There have been very few. That I thought I don't like
The keepsakes
The book
I'd like a book on building rafts. Or, alternatively, I remember my mother telling me that my father in the early days built his own radio with something called a cat's whisker, so if I can secrete one about my person as that maroon. Uh I'd like a book on building a rig.
The luxury
an endless supply of pen and paper
Now it's very difficult,'cause there are two things I can't live without. One is mascara. 'Cause if you've got fair eyelashes you feel naked without your mascara. And the other thing is my earrings, without which I cannot talk. Next. But I've decided could I have an endless supply of pen and paper?
Presenter asks
5:33What about the time you were plunged into the middle of a tragedy? A young mother with a crying baby called you on the radio and said she had taken a lethal dose of pills. What did you do?
That was one of the scariest moments of my life. … And this voice comes through. I have taken a a lethal dose of pills. I can't go on, and there's a baby crying in the background. And she said, I'm not going to tell you where I am until I know it's too late for you to do anything, but then I want you to come and take my baby. And I ran out of the studio. and there was nobody to help. … I remembered we found out her doctor's name. But what happened in the end was that we did find her doctor, we did ring him up, he came, and he took the phone and said, It's all right, I'm here now. … she later on wrote to me and thanked me. … I would think about ten days, and she wrote and said, I'm glad, I'm I'm going to be all right, and I'm glad you did it.
Presenter asks
16:08You could have gone to university, but you didn't. Why not?
I wanted to earn some money, very simple. Coming out of school was like coming out of prison.
Presenter asks
21:42After [your first husband] Alex died, you remarried within a year. Was there a degree of pragmatism in that – did you think you could make a unit together?
I'm not sure that I thought it through that clearly. … I heard myself … and I said, Fern, I've never made a decision in my life. I'm a reactive person. Life happens, and I deal with it. Um There are children who need a mother, I'll be the mother. And that is how I have got through, by reacting to situations, rather than deciding this is where my life will go.
Presenter asks
26:06When your son was suffering with cancer, you had to go on the This Morning sofa and give advice to others. How did you manage that?
The hardest part of that, and here I must pay tribute to Philip and Fern. Without them I don't think I'd have got through it and without them I would not have gone back to work afterwards. … Losing John. … He said to me, I don't feel very well. … and his wife rang me from the hospital and said we're coming straight over and I knew from her voice and there was nothing could be done and it was just inevitable. … Two things pulled me through. One was how magnificent he was. He was immensely brave, and the thing that sustained me was that he had lived. With my help, the life he wanted, when his father wanted him to go to university and he wanted to join the Royal Navy, and I battled for him. And he joined the navy. He married unbelievably happy and had two children. And I think That if you lose somebody and you can think, well, their life was pretty good, and in his case, wonderful. It helps.
“You've had a tragic life. … What does she mean? Because I've had a brilliant life.”
“The anticipation of bad things is much, much worse than when the bad thing happens. There's almost a sense of relief when you think, well, it's come. Now I deal with”
“I like the human race much better than I did at the beginning.”
“I remember the first person I lost was my father. And I was devastated. And the worst thing that you can feel when you lose somebody is that it doesn't matter. A drop in the ocean. And that's a terrible feeling. Nobody should have to feel like that.”
“I'm a reactive person. Life happens, and I deal with it.”
“If you lose somebody and you can think, well, their life was pretty good, and in his case, wonderful. It helps.”