Marti Caine

Did you feel in any way confident about the [New Faces] competition?

No, no, no way. There were about two hundred acts there. … all of whom seemed superb to me, you know, some of whom I knew very well and I knew to be talented people.

Was Las Vegas a challenge? Were you ready for it?

No way was I ready for it. I was thrown to the lions out there. I really was. … Standing there in the 30-bob mini, you know … We c we came back actually with twenty five dollars is what we made out of the deal. Plus … I'd had to pay for all the music and and all the dresses, which was entirely up to me to do. But the thing is what what they gave me, in fact, was … The best experience in the world, which is what it's all about, which is what is useful as a prize, really.

Did [your success] lead to the break up of your marriage?

Um, yeah, I d I don't honestly think that was anything to do with the show business, really. It was just that. … Malcolm's come out of this very badly if you if you read the papers. … Through no fault of anyone's, really. … He's a very, very independent, typical Yorkshire. … butch sort of man who didn't take kindly to his wife earning the money and made no bones about it, because he firmly believed he should be the one who was keeping me. … But I I just couldn't swamp him any any longer. So he wanted a life of his own and and Linda was just a … she wasn't the cause of it at all. … It just happened coincidentally at the same time. So it looked as though it was Malcolm's fault. In actual fact, when the bitterness and and the hurt dies down a little. … I think we're all able to sit down and analyze things and think, Well, yeah, I must have had something to do with that.

Where did the name 'Marty Kane' come from?

It came from a gardening book, actually. I was Sonny Smith for a week. And then I was Zoe Bond for a week, and I didn't want to be Susie or Cindy or Jane. So he got a gardening book and uh page forty three, Rye. Second line down, right, fourth word along. Manure. No, no, right. Page 97, and so on, until we came across tomato cane, by which time. My husband at the time was tiring of the game and said, Ah, well, you're built along similar lines. Call yourself Martyr Kane. So I rang the club where I was supposedly appearing that night and said, Hello, Zoe Bond won't be able to come tonight. Marty Kane is coming instead. So he said, All right. And when I got there, he'd misheard and written Marty Kane. And I have rather a deep voice anyway, so he must have thought I was a fella on the phone. So you've been stuck with it ever since? I've been Marty Kane ever since.

When and how did you start putting physical gags into your act?

No, it wasn't. I'm a naturally clumsy person, very accident prone. It's usually when I've got Ten Bob on myself, you know, the Lord boots me into touch. Yeah, I always sort of slip off something or trip over something or spill my peas down my frock. But it turned out it went down well with the audience, so it was left in. It was a relief after the singing, I think.

Can you describe your childhood after your father died?

Well it it's it's funny because it it's terribly sad in the telling, I suppose, but at the time it didn't seem at all sad. I think children are resilient and they adapt very quickly and very easily. And my mum very quickly became dependent on me. And so it w it's always wonderful to have someone who needs you.

When were you actually told you had cancer and what were you told?

I was told by the surgeon who performed the biopsy Um that it was A particular type of lymphoma, a non-Hodgkin's lymphoma called uh low-grade follicular lymphoma that was treatable but not curable. And he avoided my eyes, and it that didn't sound like terminal to me, but reading between the lines it obviously you know, that was the soft way of sort of um Breaking it to me. Uh no, I I felt it was such a cliche saying, Well, Doc, how long have I got? You know, I just couldn't say that. And uh oddly enough, again, when my back's against the wall, um the mouth tends to go into action. And he said, so it is malignant lymphoma. So I said But does that make me a lymphomaniac? And he said, No, no, you know, quite earnestly. And he said, you know, it's uh it's you must go and see an oncologist. I've made an appointment for you with this oncologist and he'll uh he'll give you uh uh something that'll help. And I said, Yes, but will I ever play the violin again? And I'm sure he thought I was cracking up under the strain. But did he eventually ask the question, you know, answer the question, how long have you got? I asked the oncologist who was wonderful. Uh he didn't patronise me, but I he explained in words that I could understand and I said, What is the prognosis for someone with low-grade follicular lymphoma? And he said, Five years, but we would expect you to do better.

You described it as a 'cushy kind of cancer'. What do you mean by that?

It is a cushy kind of cancer. This partic my particular kind. I mean, it's not if I I must stress that if I was in pain, there are an awful lot of people who have Painful cancers or painful heart conditions or painful kidney conditions that are that they're dying from. or dying of. And and I w I'm so fortunate to have uh one that it it's the immune system that that goes eventually. I suppose you just die of a cold or something like that. I think there may be some discomfort with it at at a later stage, but it can be dealt with these days. There's no need for anyone to be in pain these days. They have wonderful pain killers.

Looking back, when do you think you were at your happiest?

I wonder. Um there have been so many happy moments, I think. a young mum when I was when the kids were young and uh I was absorbed in them and watching them grow and I liked that, although I wasn't a particularly good mother, I don't think, but th they don't seem to have suffered a deal.