Jeremy Lloyd

Jeremy Lloyd0:00

Hello, I'm Kirstie Young, and this is a podcast from the Desert Island Discs Archive. For rights reasons we've had to shorten the music. The programme was originally broadcast in nineteen eighty seven, and the presenter was Michael Parkinson.

Presenter0:29

Our castaway has had a mixed bag of occupations. At various times he's been a farmhand, a plumber's mate, an inspector of light bulbs, a shop assistant and a paint salesman. According to his biography, he's the offspring of an army colonel and a tiller girl. He was educated at an old people's home. Given this exotic background, little wonder he sought a career as an actor and a writer. He is Jeremy Lloyd.

Presenter0:50

Jeremy, how come that you were educated at an old people's home? I'm trying to think actually it's such a long time ago. But the thing is that I think it was because I had to leave school at twelve and a half. I was unfortunately not very bright at school, and although I paid a lot of attention, I didn't remember anything that they taught me, so they sent me to a psychiatrist who recommended that I should leave immediately. He didn't suggest I should go anywhere else, so my father, who was commanding a squad of men somewhere nearby in Buckinghamshire, found an old people's home near where he lived. He didn't actually want me in the house, and he he rented a room there for me, and so I became an old person at 14 and a half. At twelve and a half. I was actually about thirteen, I suppose, yes. What was it like? Wonderful. It was built by Christopher Wren. I've got a number of lakes and a golf course and a home farm. And they were marvellous old people. My education really took place at an old people's home. They had a very nice library, a ballroom where I learnt ballroom dancing with the wife of a World War submarine commander.

Jeremy Lloyd1:25

Fourteen half.

Presenter1:48

And um apparently I was the only one strong enough to wind the gramophone, which is why she asked me to uh dance with her. And uh I was there for quite some years, and that's when I suppose I uh

Presenter2:00

I started daydreaming about insects and animals. I mean, there's there's nothing else to do in an old people's home, you know. What about you we mentioned there that your father didn't want you around. Why was that? Well, he didn't like me.

Jeremy Lloyd2:08

Where's the

Presenter2:10

Really? No. He didn't like me, I think, really from the year Dot, because he left home the moment I arrived.

Presenter2:16

My grandmother brought me up, so I learnt to speak, and then when I came back and spoke to him in it he still didn't like me.

Presenter2:22

And uh he paid for my schooling, but then when they said that I'd failed to learn anything, he decided there was no point in spending any more money, so

Jeremy Lloyd2:27

That is

Presenter2:31

He said, As long as I never see you, life will be fine between us. So he put me in an old people's home. Did you later on in life make any attempt to to contact him? I did, yes. Unfortunately he'd become an alcoholic by then, so it was rather difficult. And I w I I was quite sad about it because there wasn't very much communication between us and then he had a nasty accident and he did say then he was in a hospital and and and about to depart from this world.

Jeremy Lloyd2:39

I've

Presenter2:55

He did say, I'm very proud of you, you've done very well Well, I just burst into tears because I mean to have that sort of communication right at the end was a shame really because I'd like to have had it before.

Presenter3:04

Let's have a first choice of record, please, Jeremy.

Presenter3:07

I'm going back now to some very happy times in California when I was doing Ron and Martin's Laughing and around that time there was a great song for me then called Hotel California by the Eagles.

Presenter3:19

Welcome to the Hotel California.

Speaker 23:25

Love the birds, did you love it?

Speaker 23:27

But you love the thing

Jeremy Lloyd3:29

Uh

Speaker 23:31

Maybe you will let me go to California

Jeremy Lloyd3:38

Yeah.

Jeremy Lloyd3:44

Her man is different, he twisted

Presenter3:49

The Eagles in Hotel, California.

Presenter3:51

Jeremy, even though you didn't get on with your father, was there a point in in your career when you were young when perhaps you might have followed in in his footsteps and gone in the army?

Presenter3:59

Well, he was rather hoping I would actually, and at the time of career, I was called up actually to go and join the army. I hoped I wouldn't be anywhere near him when I got in. And I arrived, and they, you know, we all had, you probably went through all this as well, you know, take your shirt off and drop your trousers. And they took a look at me and they said, don't move. And they got on the phone and said, come down and look at this one. And.

Presenter4:25

And with those sort of jokes, we won't need to X-ray, you just stand in front of the window.

Presenter4:30

And they said, You will not be called up, even if there's a general emergency. If there's an enemy at the door, you will not be required. I said, Why not? I said, I want to go, because my father expects it. They said, uh

Presenter4:40

You're only eight stone and you're six foot three. I said, I know, I'm terribly fit. And they said, Look, here's ten shillings. Take a taxi, go home and lie down. It was very brave of you to get here. And so I returned home, and my father said, What regiment are you in? I said, Well, I'm actually having egg and chips at home. I wasn't required, so he didn't speak to me again for a number of years.

Jeremy Lloyd5:01

Yeah.

Presenter5:03

How did this pathetic child make it to adulthood? I wonder. It was a long struggle.

Jeremy Lloyd5:09

Uh

Presenter5:12

Oh dear. I mean, look, look at all the jobs you had, too. Your wife is quite extraordinary, the farmhand, plumber's mate, an inspector of light bulbs, shopper systems. Well, you don't have to be very strong to inspect light bulbs. He had a friend who was the managing director of the Edison Electric Company. He said, look, my son's been rejected from the army because this is a terrible blow to him. Have you got anything which doesn't require strength? And he said, yes. He said, We have a vacancy for an inspector of light bulbs. He said, What does he have to do? He said, Well, he has to pick the light bulb up and look at it. So he can just about do that. So I was sent along to the Edison Electric Company early one morning. Unfortunately, the taxi driver couldn't find the Edison Electric Company, so I was very late. So that was another black mark against me. And I was allowed to inspect light bulbs for a year. Do you know how you inspect them? No, I don't know. You pick them up and you look at the bottom, and somebody sent me back saying this light bulb has not lasted long enough. And you look to see if it's got marks on the bottom, which means it's been screwed into a number of sockets, and then you feel the top to see if it's got bumps on it. And then you write, this has been used a lot, and you throw it down a long chute, and it goes bang at the end. It's a very important job.

Jeremy Lloyd5:56

No, I don't know.

Presenter6:14

Sounds fascinating.

Jeremy Lloyd6:15

Uh yes.

Presenter6:19

Another choice of record, John, please.

Presenter6:22

This is uh something rather different. When I was in the old people's home, I used to dance to something called the Hop Club de Paris, which was Stefan Grappelli used to play with Django Reinhardt, and that sort of music always stuck with me, and I saw him teamed up with Yehudi Menuin, and they did Sweet Georgia Brown, which is one of the few tunes I can play with any confidence on the guitar. And if you've got that, I would be thrilled to hear it on my island.

Presenter7:46

It's the wonderful Stefan Ricoli menu in playing sweet Georgia Brown.

Presenter7:50

Jeremy, d w what came first with you, the the writing or the or the acting? Oh, the writing. Did it? Yes. I decided on a Wednesday to write. I was uh selling paint actually at the time and uh I'd been doing that for four or five years. And in the bad weather I was nipped into a cinema, so the as I did a lot of travelling in the north, the weather was always bad, I was always in the cinema.

Presenter8:10

And uh

Presenter8:12

And I think when you go every day you sort of get into the plots rather well, and I thought one day I think I'll have a go at at writing a film. And so I parked my paint salesman's car in a lay by, and got my note paper out, and I wrote a film called What a Whopper, which was the story of the Loch Nest monster.

Presenter8:27

And next time I was in London I drove along to Pinewood Studios and managed to get in to see the head of the studio L St. John.

Presenter8:34

And relentlessly read him my story at the desk while I had tea with him. I was very lucky to see him, really, for I was quite a good salesman at getting in places in those days. And they actually bought it, and that decided me to never give up writing again. I mean, if my first effort was bought, I would pursue it to the ends of the earth. And I very luckily met John Pertwee, who was very kind to me and got me to write for him. And I got into writing regularly. What about the acting? How did that start? Well, that started because I was then writing as one of a team of writers over a pub in Strutton Ground for Jimmy Grafton, who was a very good writer and also an editor. I was writing little bits on the Billy Cotton Band Show with him, which he'd written for a long time. And they were looking for what they described as an upper-class twit in a bowler hat to work with Billy Cotton, who was very much Yorkshire pudding and bees and chips. And they kept getting me to demonstrate to the actors that they were auditioning the sort of idiot they wanted. They'd put a bowler hat on me and get me to walk up and down and say, Hello, I say, I'm just arrived as a cotton. They said, That's the sort of idiot we want. If you can be an idiot like Jeremy, that's the sort of idiot we want you to play. And another one quite came up to being quite such an idiot. So they said to me, Why don't you take up acting and do one? And I did it for three years. I did all the stunts on it. I fought the leading judo people. I was the most unlikely person to fly through the air in unarmed combat, you know. So I learnt unarmed combat and I did it all. Once or twice, I had some quite good accidents on it. You know, I broke a few ribs and Billy Cotton really liked me. When I got hurt and got up again, he said, That's my sort of chap.

Jeremy Lloyd9:53

Yeah.

Presenter10:02

And I did that for three years. So I was suddenly an actor and then I got parts in films, you know, and it went on from there, I think, always playing that idiot. So people when they meet me know right away that I'm an idiot.

Presenter10:15

It's just a disguise. It is. Yes. Another record, please.

Presenter10:18

Now, I the first time I heard this, I loved Bechaman, but I loved the music that his poems have been set to, and this is how I was introduced to the man that composed the music, Jim Parker, who became very important in my life later on. And this is from Betcherman's Banana Blush, and it's called Indoor Games at Newbury. And I just think this man is a great poet.

Speaker 210:37

Then the new Victrolla playing, And your funny uncle saying, Choose your partners for a foxtrot, Dance until it's tea o'clock, Come on, young'uns, foot it feetly Was it chance that paired us neatly, I who loved you so completely, You who pressed me closely to you, Hard against your party frock?

Speaker 211:00

Meet me when you've finished eating.

Speaker 211:03

So we met, and no one found us O that dark and furry cupboard, While the rest played hide and seek, Holding hands, our two hearts beating In the bedroom silence round us, Holding hands, and hardly hearing Sudden footstep, thud, and shriek.

Presenter11:27

As the late much loved and much missed Sir John Betch breeding indoor games near Newbury.

Jeremy Lloyd11:30

Too much.

Presenter11:33

from Banana Blush, and the accompaniment there was by Jim Parker.

Presenter11:37

When you went to America, Jeremy, to do the Laugh-In, was that as a writer or performer? Both. I got the job as a writer and performer actually by passing a telephone at the right moment. The man that I mentioned before that I wrote with, Jimmy Grafton, was actually had a phone call from George Slaughter of Laugh-In, and he was saying, No, we don't have anybody at the moment, Mr. Slaughter, who could write on Laugh-In. All our writers are totally engaged. And I didn't think I was that engaged. I picked up the phone and said, Except one, Jeremy Lloyd, and I'll be over at nine o'clock in the morning. And I

Presenter12:07

I appeared at the Dorchester Hotel with the vacuum cleaners going and um took my scripts along and he said, How tall are you? I said, Six foot four.

Presenter12:15

He said, We have a very short writer there called Koslow Johnson, the brother of Artie Johnson, who plays the little German at the end. He's only five foot one. You'd look very funny walking up and down the corridor with him. Even if you don't write funny, you will look funny. You have got this job. And on that strange premise, I went over to America and I got the the job of appearing in the show and writing it and had probably the best time of my life. It was also a wonderful show too, wasn't it? It's one of the shows that you remember. It was the biggest show in America. I mean, I did a a book tour last year, a thing called The Woodland Gospels, which I'd done, and I was touring 19 cities in 19 days from Chicago to everywhere. And I found that so many people remembered everything about Laugh-In, and some of the shows I did were phone-in shows, and people were phoning me up, asking me in-depth questions about laugh-in and how we affected the sort of politics at the time, which one didn't realize one was doing necessarily.

Jeremy Lloyd12:39

Was it fake?

Jeremy Lloyd12:59

Hmm.

Presenter13:04

And it was a major show to be on. You only realize afterwards sometimes what a great time you've had in retrospect. It was a marvellous time, very interesting. And you had to write a hundred jokes by lunchtime, you know, where you were fired. So it was a tremendous pressure, but very exciting. Were you ever tempted to settle in America to make your career there? Yes, I was. Actually, I was very, very tempted to do it. In fact, in some ways, at the time, I rather wished I had.

Jeremy Lloyd13:11

It was a m

Presenter13:31

But then if I had have done, I wouldn't have come back and written Are You Being Served? and various other things I did back here. But I had a a marvellous life out there. I think if you're English, you always sort of miss England, and even though I was there for only probably two years, I did get homesick from time to time. But it wasn't until I actually came home that I found it hard to go back again. I found it hard to leave England again. There's something about it. I don't know what it is. It's sort of because it's not here for the weather. I don't know what it is. But I didn't go back again for any length of time, although I've been back every year since for something.

Presenter14:01

Let's have another record, please, Jeremy. Well, another of my favorites I'm really going back in the past a bit here, I'm afraid, Michael, but Noel Coward in Las Vegas, because there was another man who put everything together terribly well with words, which are are my trademark words. So I'd like to hear Neil Coward in Las Vegas.

Speaker 314:18

He said the Belgians and Greeks do it.

Speaker 314:22

Nice young men who sell antiques do it let's do it let's fall in love

Speaker 314:29

Monkeys, whenever you look

Speaker 314:31

Do it.

Speaker 314:32

Helikhan and King Farooq, do it, let's do it, let's fall in love.

Jeremy Lloyd14:37

Love

Speaker 314:40

Luella Parsons can't quite do it.

Speaker 314:45

But you're so highly struck.

Presenter14:49

Uh

Speaker 314:49

Uh

Presenter14:49

Oh, I love that. What a marvelous man. Man, rather than more people like that.

Jeremy Lloyd14:51

Uh

Jeremy Lloyd14:54

But

Presenter14:55

Nilcowd record live in Las Vegas and Let's Do It.

Presenter14:59

Let's now talk about your writing, writing for television specifically, because I suppose that you are best known for two series that you wrote and devised, Are You Being Served and A Lower Low. What about Are You Being Served? Where do you get that idea from? I suppose three years as a trainee at Simpsons in Piccadilly.

Presenter15:16

Where I was finally fired for selling soft drinks in the fitting room at the height of a heat wave. But I think when you've worked in a store like that, you get a good idea that words like I'm free and are you being served and the sort of pecking order of the head salesman and the second salesman and the third and then the junior, where you're not allowed to go forward unless everybody else has had a try and failed, does have a slightly hysterical feel about it. And it just occurred to me this was a marvellous vehicle for a comedy series. And I wrote to David Croft, who you know writes Dad's Army and Heidi High and lots of other very good shows, suggesting that this was a premise for a show. He invited me over, I met him, we chatted, we wrote the first one together. He cast it brilliantly, I thought. It ran for 17 years. And of course, in Australia, well, all over the world is. All over the world. Yes. I mean, in fact, it held up the opening of the Knesset, I believe, in Israel for about 11 minutes because it was number one show there, and it was running over or something. And they kept it on and held up the opening of the Parliament. Now, I can see perhaps what you saw in the fun being set in a department store. What about a lower low? I mean, where do you see the jokes in that? Where do you see the sort of comedy element? Well, in a lower low, it just occurred to me that setting is everything. One sees settings, and it's very important in television, of course, that you don't have too many sets because you want the one set every week. And so I thought something in a French cafe with excitement and danger and the cafe owner who's having a problem with his wife and the waitresses as an unwilling participant in everything that was going on was possibly the basis for a French farce. And that's what a lower low is, is a French farce. I mean, it can only be that when you're hiding pictures of the painting of the Fallen Madonna in giant sausages under aprons and rushing around.

Jeremy Lloyd16:02

All over the world.

Jeremy Lloyd16:23

Yeah.

Presenter17:00

Hiding girls in cupboards. It's a farce which seems to have taken off terribly well because it's in its third year now and it's also on in the West End of the Prince of Wales and packed and queues round the block and people are roaring with laughter so obviously people also think it's very funny. And your smile gets broader every day.

Presenter17:18

Another record. Well, can we manage Madam Butterfly? I think we can. Oh, wonderful, because uh it just sort of thrills me for some reason. I just love it. I'm just you know, it isn't just Hotel California I like that sort of thing. Madam Butterfly would be lovely.

Jeremy Lloyd17:42

Lord I see when we feel thee fear that I face the name of God.

Jeremy Lloyd18:15

In the world, the door.

Presenter18:33

One fine day from act two of Puccini's Madam Butterfly, sung by Dame Kiri Dikinawa,

Presenter18:38

with the London Philharmonic Orchestra conducted by Sir John Pritchard.

Presenter18:43

Jeremy, let's turn our talk about your writing, writing for children particularly, the Captain Beekey books. How did that start? How did that come about? What was the the thought process that put that down on paper? I suppose really, going back to uh when I was still at the old people's home, I was also writing poetry in those days. And uh then I continued writing it in the form of letters to friends or

Presenter19:06

At the end of Letters to Friends, P.S., and here's a poem. And I had all those with me when I was doing Robert and Elizabeth with Keith Mischell, the story of the Bats of Wimpole Street. And in the dressing room, I used to occasionally read them out or write new ones. And Keith Mischel started illustrating them for fun. And he later on mentioned my poetry on a radio programme and read some of it. And publishers then phoned up and said, How do I got any more? And it was published as a book of poetry, and I needed a title for it. And as I was called Captain Bekey, or just Beakey, at school, because of my long nose, and the fact I was very thin, my nose was a lot bigger, because there wasn't a lot round it. I called my main character Captain Beekey, and I wrote a little song called Captain Beekey and His Band, which happened to become the title of the book. And while I was away in Australia, actually doing the Australian version of Are You Being Served, and I came back to find it was a sort of top of the pops. And it was a whole nationwide cult. Captain Beekey had arrived. Hissing Sid signs were all over the place, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Tell Hissing Sid. Yes. You write an awful lot for children, don't you? And that was adapted by Adolf, a good game earlier years ago. But why is that? Why specifically? Well, because I've never really grown up, I suppose, and I get on very well with children. I speak their language. Well, I spent a lot of time with them when I was young, anyway.

Jeremy Lloyd19:56

The purpose of

Jeremy Lloyd19:58

Can you speak here?

Jeremy Lloyd20:00

Yeah, absolutely.

Jeremy Lloyd20:06

Yeah, that was a dumb

Jeremy Lloyd20:09

I don't know if you have a question.

Presenter20:19

And um I enjoy writing for children and I see that they enjoy it. Every writer writes for himself in a way or something that you know you're not specifically writing something you don't understand about and I I do understand children or the way they think because that's the way I think. I just happen to be taller. And so it's been a great pleasure to me because I have drawers full of letters from children regarding Captain Beeky and from their families as well, some of them very, very moving. And I'm continuing to do that sort of thing. I've just done a new book called Captain Cat and the Carol Singers, which again is for children, teaching them about Christmas carols. Where do the characters come from? I mean are they just from your imagination or? They're all living in my head.

Jeremy Lloyd20:54

Okay.

Presenter20:56

Yes, I see them all. They're all marching around in there. They just uh c come out of my head, down my arm, and onto the page.

Presenter21:03

And uh sometimes I wish I were as good as they were.

Presenter21:07

That's another choice of records. I'm very fond of Edith Pieff. I suppose it's really'cause she feels she's crying out from the heart, but no regrets has always got to me as well. And I think if you've got that and I've got that on my island, I'd like to think that I don't have any regrets being there. I'm happy sitting in my solitary state, because I've been in that state for quite a long time. So if you've got Edith Pieff, I would be thrilled.

Presenter21:36

Nila bea for my pila mal.

Presenter21:51

Uh

Speaker 321:51

Yeah.

Presenter21:51

Yeah.

Speaker 321:51

Uh

Presenter21:56

Edith Piaf singing No Regrets. Wonderful. So I wish I could sing that.

Presenter22:01

You'd like to sing that with yourself.

Jeremy Lloyd22:02

Therefore

Presenter22:05

But you are musical, aren't you? Yes, in a way, yes. I sing slightly off-key, but um I I thoroughly enjoy singing and playing guitar, because I can sit up till three o'clock in the morning playing, yes. Would that have been an ambition of yours to play? Oh, when I was little I had an aunt with a piano, and and um whenever n nobody was in the room I'd jump onto this piano and bash away at the keys and I was always dragged off screaming.

Jeremy Lloyd22:15

Yeah.

Presenter22:25

Had she been really musical and sat me down and played, I mean that would have been wonderful, because what a life I could have had now. I could be going round the world on a boat entertaining people, singing, you know. Instead of what? I mean. Oh, just give just entertaining. I've always liked entertaining. And yet you've settled a much lonelier life, haven't you, that of the of the writer? Yes. Yes, it is lonely writing. I suppose you're not lonely writing, of course, when you're actually writing, because you've got all the characters you're writing about who are keeping you occupied. But it's a strange life because the muse may fall upon you at any moment and you get up at three o'clock in the morning to do it or whatever. It doesn't lead to a very good social life, really. You've been married twice? Yes, I have. But you've settled for the Bachelor Life, in fact. Well, I've only settled for it because, you know, I mean, we don't walk about with little cards saying, I'm free, are you? You know, when you're walking down the street, do you? I mean, unless you go to a lot of cocktail parties and dinner parties, you're not meeting a lot of new people. So if you're not doing that, you're liable to stay unattached, I suppose, really.

Jeremy Lloyd22:59

Hmm.

Presenter23:19

Does it bother you? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes at three o'clock in the morning when I put the guitar down. Yes.

Presenter23:26

What am I going to do now? Good heavens, I have to go to bed. Um quite often I'll get up at one o'clock in the morning, having gone to bed at eleven, and go down to Traps or something in German Street, where am I?

Presenter23:35

Friend Johnny Girl will say, Welcome and sit down and have a drink and that's nice'cause there are people and it's fun. I don't lead a bad life as a bachelor really. It's not exactly a disaster, no.

Presenter23:44

Another choice of record, please. Well, although I was going on earlier about my father

Presenter23:49

and I not getting on, he was always a terribly smart man, and he was undeniably an enormously charming man, and looked very like Jack Buchanan, and sounded rather like Jack Buchanan. So whenever I heard Jack Buchanan singing Good Night Vienna, I would think of him. Uh'cause I always wanted to be rather like that and I'm not, I'm afraid, I'm not as tall, suave and elegant as that, and never will be. But if you've got Jack Buchanan singing Good Night Vienna

Presenter24:10

Which I've also sung with my guitar when I've got a cold. I'd like to hear it.

Jeremy Lloyd24:15

Yeah. Let's see.

Speaker 224:16

New city of a million melody.

Speaker 324:23

Uh Our hearts are thrilling to the strain that you play Drum dawn to the daylight dies.

Speaker 224:30

Dies.

Speaker 324:32

Good night.

Speaker 224:33

The Yeah

Speaker 324:37

Yamun

Speaker 224:37

Night Jill

Speaker 324:37

Fills the air with mysteries And eyes are shining to the gypsy guitars That sing to the starry skies

Presenter24:48

That was Jack Buchanan, rough singing Good Night Vienna.

Presenter24:52

Jeremy, looking at your career, reading about you, I mean, you've had the most extraordinary life. It's it's really it's straight out of the pages of fiction parts of it. Have you ever or never felt like putting it down on paper, writing your autobiography? Yes, I was thinking about it quite recently really, and I'm wondering how much I could say.

Jeremy Lloyd25:05

Yeah.

Presenter25:09

As many ways do it in the form of poetry.

Presenter25:12

The other thing that I wanted to ask you about was that you you write well and beautifully for children and yet you've never had any children of your own. Is that something that you regret? Yes, yes I do. It's not too late. But I would like to have done. I've got a lot of friends with children and a lot of friends with children who've grown up and had children. And so I communicate with them a lot and go out and fly kites in the park and chat to them. And I thoroughly enjoy that. But I would like some children, yes. But I mean we can't always have what we necessarily want in life. And also one can't guarantee what you're going to get. You know, I don't mean a boy or a girl. I mean, I do think that you could have five children. They could be five totally different characters depending on what spirit inherited them. So I hope if you did have one, it would be one that you could get on well with. Because my father and I are not getting on too well probably might have put me off slightly. I don't know. Yes, I was going to sur suggest that to you, actually. Yes. And what about the the the future now? I mean what what you're going to do in the future? Have you got more series up your sleeve or?

Jeremy Lloyd26:06

Mm.

Jeremy Lloyd26:09

Yes.

Presenter26:16

Or what? Well, yes, I've suggested a series set in Russia called Gorky Street, a coronation street set in Russia, to a man who works for a television and film company here, and he's over in America at the moment discussing it with people, because I thought it would be nice if we could see an average Russian street and what's going on. Probably we wouldn't feel that they were all threats to the security of the world if we found that a lot of the people were just normal people like you and I. So I thought that might be a nice thing to do Gorky Street, whether it'll ever happen, I don't know. And I have one or two other little irons in the fire at the moment. I've just written a letter off actually to America, to another company suggesting a show just based on children acting the classics actually, because I think children have great inbuilt charm and likability and can teach us quite a lot actually.

Presenter27:07

So, uh I guess I have one or two other things, and we'll just see. I always feel very lucky when something I've thought of does become a fact, you know. That's the most exciting thing.

Presenter27:17

Final choice of record, please.

Presenter27:19

Am I allowed to choose one of my own? Of course you are. Because I did a lovely show, or it was a lovely show for me, because it had Twiggy in it, who I think is Magic, and Keith Michelle and Eleanor Bronn, which was the best of sort of the Captain Beekey poems. In fact, they used them all, so I must have thought they were all the best at the time. And it was actually done on record by Petula Clarke, and it's a story of a little Cockney sparrow falling in love with a lady, French sparrow. You probably haven't heard it. It's called Fred Marguerite. If you've got that, I'd love to hear that, because I wrote that at four o'clock one morning with the candle burning in my little cottage in the middle of London, and it's very close to my heart.

Speaker 327:54

Wouldn't it be nice to have a lover who was kind?

Presenter28:01

Over there's the Touréfell, oh wouldn't it be sweet To stand together at the top With Pallas at our feet A cordium's a playing in moment for that's my

Speaker 328:20

My home, that broken rooftop's where I live, what's more, I live alone.

Presenter28:27

Fetula Clark with the story of Fred and Marguerite written by our castaway this week, Jeremy Lloyd. Jeremy, you're now on your desert island. Are you going to enjoy the experience, do you think?

Presenter28:37

Very much indeed. I love nice weather. I presume this desert island is subject to good weather. Good. What about the solitude?

Jeremy Lloyd28:38

Yeah.

Jeremy Lloyd28:42

Yeah.

Presenter28:46

Well, I've had so much of it that I don't think it'll seem any different to me because everything's happening in my mind and the stories are there. I don't think it'll seem any different at all. Are you a practical man? I mean, could you survive? Very. Are you? Surprisingly enough. Yes, yes. Well, I mean, if I have to go and hit the fish on the head with a rock to survive, I mean, it would have been nice if I was allowed a fishing line, but I suppose I'm not. But you're allowed certain other things. Let's find out what they'll be. You've got to imagine now that seven of your records have been washed away. You're left with one. Which one would you choose to survive?

Jeremy Lloyd29:11

Well you're

Jeremy Lloyd29:12

Yeah.

Presenter29:19

I think I'd choose Betcheman.

Presenter29:21

Yes. Yes. If I want to remember England, I will choose Betchman. Yes. And what about the book? You've got the Bible, you've got the complete works of Shakespeare. Yes. I'll settle for Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men in a Boat. Wonderful book. Marvellous book and a story. I mean, hilariously funny, written at the turn of the century. And that's England again, the Thames, as I remember it, and wonderful, funny. What about the luxury object? Inanimate. Inanimate. Well, I'd like an inanimate guitar.

Presenter29:51

Ah, because then I can continue to compose songs, I can accompany the wind as it blows through the trees and the sound of the waves and the sea. I can even get better, not that anybody'll ever know. And I can also probably pinch one of the E strings to make a fishing line. German, thank you very much indeed. Thank you.

Jeremy Lloyd30:17

You've been listening to a podcast from the Desert Island Discs Archive. For more podcasts please visit bbc.co.uk slash radio four.