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Desert Island Discs
Presented by Roy Plomley
Humorous writer and assistant editor of Punch magazine, best known for his weekly contributions and handling of the paper's middle pages.
Eight records
It's entirely my own fault. You know, my my loving parents thought they'd have to do something for me if I had no idea, and this meant a nice, easy life, finished at three, pension to sixty.
I didn't, not at all. I couldn't be serious about it, for one thing. I can't get serious about the idea of people making a living by moving someone else's money from one place to another.
But I did have a lot of fun. I suppose partly because I didn't take it seriously. I had more fun in a way than I do now.
And I Never Had Any Real Drive to Do It
And I never had any real drive to do it. What I wanted to be more than anything was an actor.
But Oddly Enough, It Was the Bank That Started Me on Writing
But oddly enough, it was the bank that started me on writing because uh the Branch managers, I think, got a bit fed up with having me around, and I finally graduated to a job on the Banks House magazine.
The keepsakes
No book or luxury recorded for this episode.
In conversation
Presenter asks
What was it your first ambition to be?
I had absolutely no ambition.
Presenter asks
What did you become when you left school?
I went into the bank.
Presenter asks
Did you take to it [the bank]?
I didn't, not at all. I couldn't be serious about it, for one thing. I can't get serious about the idea of people making a living by moving someone else's money from one place to another. You know.
Presenter asks
How early did you have ambitions to write?
We're pretty late. And I never had any real drive to do it. What I wanted to be more than anything was an actor.
The recording
Timestamps play the recording from that turn
Speaker 1
Hello, I'm Lauren Laverne and this is the Desert Island Discs podcast. This is the only extract the BBC has of this episode. The surviving recording did not include the music, so we've recreated the programme, adding the castaways' choices. For Wrights' reasons, the music is shorter than on the original broadcast. The presenter is Roy Plomley. I hope you enjoy listening.
Presenter
What was it your first ambition to be?
Presenter
I had absolutely no ambition. What did you become when you left school?
Presenter
I went into the bank.
Presenter
It's entirely my own fault. You know, my my loving parents thought they'd have to do something for me if I had no idea, and this meant a nice, easy life, finished at three, pension to sixty. And so I went. Did you take to it?
Presenter
I didn't, not at all. I couldn't be serious about it, for one thing. I can't get serious about the idea of people making a living by moving someone else's money from one place to another. You know.
Presenter
But I did have a lot of fun. I suppose partly because I didn't take it seriously. I had more fun in a way than I do now. Because uh
Presenter
One has to take the business of humorous writing very seriously. How early did you have ambitions to write?
Presenter
We're pretty late.
Presenter
And I never had any real drive to do it. What I wanted to be more than anything was an actor.
Presenter
But oddly enough, it was the bank that started me on writing because uh the
Presenter
Branch managers, I think, got a bit fed up with having me around, and I finally graduated to a job on the Banks House magazine. Of course, I wrote for that. And that started you writing other things. Yes.
Presenter
Punch, for example. What put an end to your banking career?
Presenter
Well, Punch asked me to quit the bank, which I wasn't sorry to do, and join the staff, which of course I was delighted to do. How long ago was this?
Presenter
About twelve years. And no regrets at giving up banking? None at all. You see, I think uh to be on punch should probably become my ambition by this time. That's what's known as being a late developer, I suppose. Well, let's have your third record. What's that to be?
Presenter
Basil, apart from writing your own contribution each week, what do you do on the paper? That's uh editors always asking me that. Well, now I'm one of uh about three assistant editors, and we're all concerned with turning thirty-two blank pages into a funny paper, we hope, every Wednesday.
Presenter
Editor also lends a hand, I ought to mention that, and the art editor, of course.
Presenter
I deal chiefly with the two pages in the middle, where we try to do something a bit dottier than in the rest of the paper.
Presenter
And uh what else do I do?
Presenter
Well, I write the supposedly funny comments on the newspaper cuttings, you know, that you get at the bottom of the columns.
Presenter
Um
Presenter
Reading other people's contributions takes a lot of time. And well, we order a bit of everything. Punch is a paper with with a great tradition. How old is it?
Presenter
122 this year. And a wonderfully impressive list of contributors through the years. Yes, indeed. Living and dead. Yes. Dead and living, I want to say best.
Presenter
We had Leitch, Thackeray, Teddio.
Presenter
And who have we got? Woodhouse, Ronald Searle, David Langdon?
Presenter
But it's madness to launch out on these lists. You know, you leave out all the ones you really wanted to mention. We hear about the Punch Table, that very exclusive convivial gathering to which only honored contributors are invited. Tell me about that, Virtual.
Presenter
Well, the punch table itself is a large hunk of teak.
Presenter
And when Thackeray wrote a poem about it, uh, he called it the Mahogany Tree, so it just shows you can't trust poets. Uh all that happens at the table is that once a week
Presenter
people who are elected to it, members of the staff who are elected to it, meet and have an excellent lunch. On the house. On the house, indeed, yes. And then come to the real business, which is to discuss what next week's political cartoon is going to be. That's really the sole function of the table meeting.
Speaker 1
I don't know how
Presenter
And members of of the table, those elected to the table, are allowed to carve their initials, I believe. Yes, they have to, in fact. I uh I was so delighted when I was asked that I carved mine with a jackknife, and they're the deepest and biggest. Are outsiders ever invited?
Presenter
Well, we make very occasional exceptions. Mark Twain came to lunch. Um we had Paulo James Thurber.
Presenter
And Prince Philip came two or three years ago and carved his initial helped us with the cartoon, I seem to remember. I believe in Fleet Street the life expectancy of a periodical is about thirty years. What do you think is the secret of Punch that it's lasted four times that already?
Presenter
I should think.
Presenter
that it is because it keeps hitching up his ideas into modern times, you see, and modern idioms. And I think Bernard Hollywood writes it now.
Presenter
has given us a particularly big hitch since he came, because he realized that in this sort of world
Presenter
with bombs and famines and international tensions and Mr. Kay warns Mr. K, you know.
Presenter
Even a funny paper can't ignore this. These things have got to be dealt with.
Presenter
sometimes in a completely serious way.
Presenter
And a lot of Punch's humour is serious.
Presenter
In fact, somebody once said that it isn't primarily humorous paper. It uses humour to say what he wants to say.
Speaker 3
Uh-huh.
Presenter
I know you've published several volumes of collections of your contributions. Do you never long to get your teeth into into a full length piece, a a novel or something? Ah, I don't really. Well, I do, but I think it's a sort of notional ambition.
Presenter
I think really I'm a miniaturist. I think when you've written a thousand words so often that the brain stops ticking at the thousandth, you know.
Presenter
Um I must tell you, because this is rather exciting for me, I had a book of mine reprinted in German, and I think, um not understanding the language, it's the funniest thing I ever wrote. It's got words in it like spoorstangen schmierung schnippel. Marvellous.
Presenter
Let's have record number four.
Basil Boothroyd
Das no dalear pukhare zavat ye stekra.
Basil Boothroyd
God please every sword in eternity.
Basil Boothroyd
Hill a ya maya.
Basil Boothroyd
Just a lovely dials are stabbed.
Presenter
When did you start broadcasting?
Presenter
I think it was about fifteen years ago. So how did it happen? How did it stop?
Presenter
Well, it's an old story. I met a producer at a party.
Presenter
And he'd read my stuff and I suppose when he found that I could articulate, he thought I might do something. This was on the BBC Overseas service. Mm-hmm. And since then, all sorts of programmes. And television. You've done a lot of television. Yes, quite a bit, yes.
Presenter
Have you any particular ambitions over?
Presenter
Not achieved.
Presenter
I haven't really, you know. Um
Presenter
Frankly, I'm rather surprised to have got where I am, wherever that is, and I think if I can just keep things ticking over as they are, that's probably my ambition.
Presenter asks
What put an end to your banking career?
Well, Punch asked me to quit the bank, which I wasn't sorry to do, and join the staff, which of course I was delighted to do.
Presenter asks
What do you think is the secret of Punch that it's lasted four times that [thirty years] already?
I should think that it is because it keeps hitching up his ideas into modern times, you see, and modern idioms. And I think Bernard Hollywood writes it now. has given us a particularly big hitch since he came, because he realized that in this sort of world with bombs and famines and international tensions and Mr. Kay warns Mr. K, you know. Even a funny paper can't ignore this. These things have got to be dealt with. sometimes in a completely serious way. And a lot of Punch's humour is serious. In fact, somebody once said that it isn't primarily humorous paper. It uses humour to say what he wants to say.
“I had absolutely no ambition.”
“I couldn't be serious about it, for one thing. I can't get serious about the idea of people making a living by moving someone else's money from one place to another.”
“What I wanted to be more than anything was an actor.”
“I think really I'm a miniaturist. I think when you've written a thousand words so often that the brain stops ticking at the thousandth, you know.”
“Frankly, I'm rather surprised to have got where I am, wherever that is, and I think if I can just keep things ticking over as they are, that's probably my ambition.”