Bob Monkhouse and Denis Goodwin

Bob Monkhouse0:01

BBC Sounds, Music, Radio Podcasts. Hello, I'm Lauren Laverne and this is the Desert Island Discs podcast. For rights reasons, the music is shorter than on the original broadcast. The presenter is Roy Plomley. I hope you enjoy listening.

Presenter0:29

Desert Island Discs.

Presenter0:40

How do you do, ladies and gentlemen?

Presenter0:41

The rules of this game say specifically that the castaway is castaway alone, but this is a rule that has been broken on very rare occasions when it would obviously have been extreme cruelty to break up a team. For example, we've had together on the island the Messrs. Compton and Edrich and the Messrs. Murdoch and Horn. And this week, we bring you two inseparables who have become known as the Birkenhare of radios, TV and variety programmes. The Messrs. Bob Munkhouse and Dennis Goodwin. Well, hello, Seagulls and Hello, Roy. And hello, listeners. This is Bob. And this is Dennis. And we've picked the island we want to be castaway on. Yes, it's the one in the middle of Piccadilly Circus. No, Dennis, it has to be abroad. Well, how about Belgium? Not Belgian, Belgium. What makes you say that? My uncle's eye. Which uncle? The cleaner. What does he clean? Window. Where? A college. Which college? Rodine. It's a girls' college. Yes. And he's Belgian. No, not Belgian, Belgian. What's Belgian? My uncle's eyes. Just a minute, before my ears start bulging, I'll turn it up. Who wrote that stuff, by the way? Well, we got our Christmas crackers very early this year.

Bob Monkhouse1:17

Yeah.

Bob Monkhouse1:19

Windows.

Bob Monkhouse1:21

Okay, and he's Belgian, huh?

Bob Monkhouse1:23

What's Belgian?

Presenter1:32

Seriously, you two are, I suppose, two of the youngest writers in the business. How old are you, Bob? Well, I'm just a year older than Dennis. Uh-huh. Dennis? I'm just a year younger than Bob. How old are you, right? Uh well, let's uh get down to this business of choosing records. Um

Presenter1:47

Eight records for the Turfio, that makes four each.

Presenter1:49

Who stops? Would you like to toss for him? Well, a coin wouldn't be much good on a desert island, would it, Dennis? Perfectly true, so we might as well use it for that purpose. Yes, no, I think we ought to toss Dennis. And since he'll probably land on his head, that's the heaviest part, that leaves the first choice to me, Roy. You'll land on your tail later on. Go ahead, Bob.

Bob Monkhouse2:05

Eroma

Presenter2:08

I I'll take a a pick because with four records to choose from, uh obviously I'd like something classical and I'd also like something contemporary. I'd like to combine the two uh by taking the music of Georges Bizet, uh Carmen.

Presenter2:21

And then put in the contemporary side, or it's already been put in for me by Oscar Hammerstein II in the wonderful score of Carmen Jones.

Presenter2:29

So may I choose from the recording of the soundtrack of the film Carmen Jones something bright. I think the part played by Dorothy Dandridge and sung, I believe, by Marilyn Horne comes to life best in the number There's a Cafe on the Corner. It would also make me feel very much at home if one's sitting on the island staring at Dennis through the hole in the center of the record I could feel there was a cafe just around the corner.

Speaker 32:54

There's a cafe on the co

Speaker 22:56

Run by my friend Billy Pastor A spot where a man takes a lady when he wants to move faster

Speaker 23:08

Guess I'll go

Speaker 33:09

Once they had a little pesta Uh

Speaker 33:18

How can a lady drink alone? How can a lady dance alone?

Speaker 23:22

Yeah.

Presenter3:23

Any comment, Dennis? Did you approve of that first choice of Bob's? Well, I have a comment, Roy, but it might get us thrown off the air. You might be thrown off the island, if you might say. Well, it's your first choice, no.

Bob Monkhouse3:29

You might be throwing it.

Bob Monkhouse3:30

Yeah.

Presenter3:33

Well, I would very much like to have with me on the island a Danny Thomas record, particularly because one of my favourite jokes is a joke I heard Danny Thomas tell on one of his West End appearances. He told the audience that he was away from home working for so many weeks in the year, his children referred to him as Uncle Daddy. And I've collected a number of his records since then, perhaps for that reason. And I think my favorite recording

Bob Monkhouse4:01

Uh

Presenter4:03

Is living the life I love from the film The Jazz Singer, which would be a reminder to me of his performance in that film. You mentioned the word collecting. Are either of you sort of serious record collectors? Oh, yes, very, very keen collectors indeed, Roy. Did you find it difficult to get down to four each? Well, we did. If only we made records ourselves, say eight of them, the choice would be very easy. It's not that we're conceited, it's just that we're the only two members of our fan club. Yes, yes, I quite understand. I think that's Mr. Danny Thomas's cue, isn't it?

Bob Monkhouse4:25

It's not the

Bob Monkhouse4:29

Yes.

Presenter4:47

Let me sing.

Presenter4:49

Give me a melody

Presenter4:53

I don't need very much to be.

Presenter4:57

Living the lives.

Presenter4:59

I love

Presenter5:03

When and how did you two first get together? When did you first meet? We should have met somewhere in the 1940s, I suppose, Roy, because both Dennis and I went to the same college, had the same friends, but never met until we'd both left, and Dennis was a radio salesman, and I was animating cartoons for Mr. J. Arthur Rank. Yes, and I suppose it must must have been about six months after we left school. We we were both present at the same party.

Bob Monkhouse5:17

Yeah.

Presenter5:23

And it just worked out that we were telling different groups of people on either side of the room exactly the same funny story.

Bob Monkhouse5:24

Uh

Presenter5:30

Then there was one of those party hushes, you know, where everything goes silent, at least it does at the parties we go to, and we both said the payoff line to the joke at the same moment, both said snap, and spent the rest of the evening talking to one another because nobody else would talk to us.

Bob Monkhouse5:30

Then there was one of those

Bob Monkhouse5:33

Everything goes silent.

Bob Monkhouse5:35

And we

Bob Monkhouse5:37

Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 35:37

I'm not sure.

Bob Monkhouse5:38

Uh

Presenter5:43

What did you do together first, um comicking or writing?

Presenter5:46

Comicking for me, writing for Dennis. I was doing uh comedian uh work, as it were, on programmes like Variety Bandbox and Dennis was scripting. Yes, uh uh my my first um scripting assignment was on the

Bob Monkhouse5:52

Perhaps you

Presenter5:59

B. B. Daniels and Ben Lyon Vicolliver Highgang series.

Bob Monkhouse6:01

Series

Presenter6:02

You must have written for an awful lot of comedians as well as for yourself. I think so, Roy, almost every comedian in the country at some time or another. That's really because the turning point in our career was when Leslie Bridgmont gave us the opportunity to write Calling All Forces, which ran for 81 weeks non-stop and employed, I think, just about, as Bob said, every comedian in the country. Which is another record which we can put in the paper. Do you prefer writing for yourselves or for other people?

Bob Monkhouse6:23

Which is another

Bob Monkhouse6:25

Do you prefer

Presenter6:27

Oh, no, definitely not, Roy. Um we find that we can assess another comedian's talent very much better than we can assess the absence of talent in ourselves. And which of the other comedians do you prefer? Dennis, what's your choice? Well well I th I think I know you'll agree Bob that um we've had more fun and enjoyment writing the Arthur Askey Hello Playmates series perhaps than anything else. Arthur inspires comedy and I think our biggest thrill in writing would be writing for Bob Hope and

Bob Monkhouse6:47

Nothing else.

Presenter6:52

We're lucky enough to have a standing invitation to go over to the States and write for him, which we hope to take up next year. Wow, that'll be exciting.

Presenter6:58

Well, another record, Bob, it's your turn again. Well, I'd like to take something by Prokofiev, who's a particular favourite of mine among contemporary composers, and also a piece of music that would make me laugh. This makes me laugh, not, I think, only because I saw it first, heard it first as background music to a silent picture starring Buster Keaton, but partly because the music is so surprising and so gay that you almost, it's so difficult to hold back laughter when you're listening to it. It doesn't sound funny, symphony number one in D Major, opus 25.

Presenter7:26

with Ernest Onsomay conducting the orchestra of the Conservatoire de Paris. But I think you'll will find the gavotte from this rather amusing. I'll be chuckling on my island anyway. Who's the composer? The composer is the mighty Progoffia.

Presenter8:17

I can't help it. It makes me laugh, bro. That music seems to curl you up.

Presenter8:21

Would you two call yourselves methodical writers? Do you start writing every day at a certain hour? That's below the belt, isn't it? Oh, that's a tricky question, Roy. I wish we could work in a methodical way, but most of our best work is done in the wee small hours of the morning in Dennis's flat. You're both bachelors, aren't you? Um, no, no, I'm a very much married man. I didn't know. I only say I'm a bachelor on very special occasions. No, I have two children, one of four and one of 18 months. I'm very happily married, although I see more of Dennis than I do of my wife. It explains why you use Dennis' flat to work in, obviously.

Bob Monkhouse8:39

Nice.

Bob Monkhouse8:42

Yeah.

Bob Monkhouse8:48

What is that?

Presenter8:51

Well, I hope that by this time next year I'll be a very much married man, which poses a

Presenter8:56

Rather a problem. Yes, uh actually Dennis is engaged to our secretary.

Bob Monkhouse8:57

Uh

Presenter9:00

Well, it means that a a third flat, doesn't it, to work in? That's probably the answer, yes. Who's turned now? Dennis again, isn't it?

Speaker 39:03

That's a problem.

Presenter9:06

Well, um, Roy, I I would very much like uh a Jerry Lewis record. Uh I'm a Jerry Lewis fan. In my view, he's one of the few present day clowns who is just as funny to listen to as he is to watch. And I would pick

Presenter9:19

Uh his recording of I Keep Her Picture Hanging Upside Down.

Speaker 39:24

While I sit here in the gloom

Speaker 39:28

They little room

Speaker 39:31

Do you know why?

Speaker 29:38

I keep her picture hanging upside down Cause I can't stand the sight of her face

Speaker 29:49

Hi, Kate.

Presenter9:53

Have you any argument with either of Dennis's choices so far? Because you will have to hear these over and over as often as he will on the Desert Island. If I'm going to be stuck on a desert island with this character, Roy, I want as few arguments to start off with as possible, least of all over music, because there we are together, and that is Kismet, which brings me to my next choice, which I'm going to force in here. Again, this peculiarity of mine crops up. What particular peculiarity? Thank you. I like classical and contemporary combined to devastating effect. And one of the happiest evenings I've ever spent in a theater was watching Kismet, the musical Arabian Night.

Bob Monkhouse10:06

Okay.

Bob Monkhouse10:12

Again

Bob Monkhouse10:14

I'm relative.

Presenter10:27

in which I have all the glory of Alexander Bodotin's music combined with the very brilliant lyrics and brilliant performances of the original artists Alfred Drake and Doretta Morrow. Now can I have something from this programme, Kismet?

Presenter10:43

Say Doretta Morrow singing and This Is My Beloved?

Speaker 310:50

Those promising skies, battles of the gold ring, imagine this in one parable. And this is my beloved.

Presenter11:08

And this is my belt.

Speaker 311:12

Ah

Presenter11:16

Well, then, it's your turn again. Well, um, I think a very stirring and warming

Presenter11:21

piece of music to hear constantly on a desert island would be the ritual fire dance by Defayer.

Presenter11:27

Um partly because this gives me the opportunity to say that um if an aeroplane passes overhead, it might spot Defire. This boy ought to be cast away right. Oh, I suggest we maroon him today. Immediately. I've been listening to Jack Train too much. I think

Bob Monkhouse11:35

Uh

Bob Monkhouse11:37

Yeah.

Bob Monkhouse11:39

Immediately.

Bob Monkhouse11:41

Nice look, right?

Speaker 311:42

Yeah.

Presenter12:41

Fire Dance by Manuel DeFire.

Presenter12:44

Well now we come to what we've christened the $64,000 question. What sort of castways do you think you boys are going to be on this island? Absolutely shocking. Dreadful. Dreadful. Who's going to build a hut?

Bob Monkhouse12:50

Absolutely.

Bob Monkhouse12:51

Really?

Presenter12:54

Well, um, I'm not very practical, Roy, but when I was four years old I did win a Sandcastle competition. That's it, you got the job. Who does the cooking?

Bob Monkhouse12:59

Let's see.

Presenter13:01

Oh, well, I think Bob should definitely be the head cook because no, no, I'd like to say this. I want to say this, that it is quite amazing what Bob can produce with the aid of a simple tin and tin opener. Oh, it's true. Of course on the island I'd have to use a sharpened stick in an oyster.

Bob Monkhouse13:04

Focus on that.

Presenter13:17

Uh any any good at fishing, either? Well, I could tear down a vine, tie it on the end of a branch, I suppose, and use Dennis's bait. What do you think you'd catch?

Bob Monkhouse13:23

I think

Presenter13:24

I think I'd catch a very nasty cold. He'd only last a certain amount of time as bait, you realize that. Yes, well that's what I had in mind, actually, Roy. Um you'd find sea birds' eggs, perhaps. That might be. Oh, well well that's an idea. That's that's a very good idea. We could spend a lot of time spotting sea gulls, and vice versa.

Bob Monkhouse13:35

Get out.

Presenter13:42

Yes, and with all that sand around, we could make some egg timers. And uh then again it would be very interesting to find out whether or not we're a stone's throw from the sea. Oh, Roy, I'm sorry, we'll have to admit it. As castaways, Dennis and I are washed up. I entirely agree. Bob, it's your turn to choose another echo. Thank you very much, Roy. And I'd like to choose something.

Bob Monkhouse13:49

Oh Roy, I'm sorry, we'll have to.

Presenter13:59

Very contemporary indeed this time. I think the greatest composer of popular music is Gershwin. I think the greatest singer of popular music is Ella Fitzgerald. I'd like to combine them with the piano playing of Ellis Larkins and a number that would remind me that somewhere some girl was still looking for a little boy like me.

Presenter14:26

I am just a little girl Who's looking for a little boy Who's looking for a girl?

Presenter14:38

To love

Presenter14:43

Tell me

Presenter14:45

Use

Presenter14:46

Perfect, Roy. That would inspire me to swim back to the mainland. Well, now we've got number eight. That's the last one, and it's Dennis's turn to sew things up with Number Eight. Well, I'd like to make the point, Roy, that my imagination would undoubtedly provide far more entertainment than my partner.

Presenter15:02

And nothing could inspire my imagination more than something from Gordon Jenkins' Seven Dreams record, a musical interpretation of every man's dreams, and my wildest dream would be the final one, the dream of love.

Speaker 315:15

There's a land I know on a distant shore where our love can live by an old

Speaker 315:29

Open door in its shining street cobblestones of gold.

Presenter15:38

And man cannot grow.

Presenter15:45

Well there are your eight records, four each. Now you've each got one more choice to make, and that's your luxury object, one apiece. Oh. Well, may I begin? Yes, dude. Well, I would love to have a complete set of the Encyclopædia Britannica so that I could truthfully say that I may be dirty, but I won't be ignorant. And since we've established the fact that we'll have to forget all about girls, Roy, I'd like a large coloured picture of Marilyn Munro to remind me of what I'm supposed to forget.

Bob Monkhouse15:54

Yeah.

Bob Monkhouse16:02

Uh

Presenter16:09

Oh, incidentally, Roy, we've had time to think during this program, and Dennis and I have a very special request to make of you. Yes, this request isn't a record, Roy. If we have to be shipwrecked, Roy, could it be on separate islands? Far apart? As far apart as possible. We'll organize it. Well, many thanks, Bob Bunkhouse, and Dennis Goodwin for letting us hear your choice of Desert Island Disc. Goodbye, everyone. Goodbye.

Bob Monkhouse16:16

Yeah.

Bob Monkhouse16:29

Yeah.