Bob Mortimer

Presenter0:01

BBC Sounds, Music Radio Podcasts. Hello, I'm Lauren Laverne and this is the Desert Island Discs Podcast. Every week I ask my guests to choose the eight tracks, book and luxury they'd want to take with them if they were cast away to a desert island. This is an extended version of the original Radio 4 broadcast and, for rights reasons, the music is shorter than the original broadcast. I hope you enjoy listening.

Presenter0:46

My castaway this week is the comedian Bob Mortimer. Along with his comedy partner Vic Reeves, he's been making audiences laugh for more than 30 years. Their style is gleefully anarchic, a Dardiest take on conventional comedy that has included, but is not limited to, surreal slapstick, subversive lounge singing and psychedelic versions of variety and panel shows. Born in Middlesbrough, Bob Mortimer was a promising footballer who followed his elder brothers to law school. As a young lawyer, he earned the title the Cockroach King due to his intimate knowledge of obscure provisions in the Public Health Act. His legal career was put on hold in 1986, however, when he met his future stage partner in a South London pub. Reeves and Mortimer's first TV show, Big Night Out, hit our screens in 1990, and the pair have barely stopped or been apart since. The smell of, Randall and Hopkirk deceased, Caterig and the hugely successful shooting stars all left audiences simultaneously in stitches and trying to work out exactly what it was they were laughing at. Ours is probably a selfish approach, he says, but we do what makes us laugh. We're not trying to think will people laugh at this. I want people to watch us and think they're idiots, they're clowns. I want them to watch us and think Tommy Cooper or Spike Milligan. I bet nobody watched Tommy Cooper and thought he's a bright lad, isn't he?

Presenter2:04

Bob Mortimer, welcome to Desert Island Disc.

Bob Mortimer2:06

Hal, thank you for having me.

Presenter2:08

So you are synonymous with your comedy partner Vic Reeves who you call by his real name, Jim Moyer. Is it true that you live quite close to each other as well?

Bob Mortimer2:15

Yes, we live very near each other. We see each other most days. Um spend my days in his kitchen, writing with him and laughing.

Presenter2:22

Yeah, what's a typical writing day like for you?

Bob Mortimer2:24

I arrive at nine thirty. Uh we talk about the the T V and then it drifts into um coming up with funny ideas. I'm the typist, which I think is important when you analyse comedy duos. I think that means I'm I'm the weaker member.

Bob Mortimer2:41

And uh and then we finish at about two o'clock.

Presenter2:44

You haven't been typing all that long though, because I know that you you didn't have scripts in a conventional sense until Catarate.

Bob Mortimer2:51

Katrick was the first time we typed them out, yeah. We used to um

Presenter2:53

Yeah.

Bob Mortimer2:55

Just handwrite little w we had to order our props for the big night out, so there'd be a list of props. Um and that was kind of it really, so that everything was there for us when we arrived at the studio.

Presenter3:06

What kind of thing would be on the list? I mean, just for the theatre of the mind, for for listeners who've never who never

Bob Mortimer3:10

Well, it was always something that um we used to giggle at'cause we would just send through an instruction saying we need the world's smallest puppy inside the world's largest diamond, but with no more explanation and just see what uh what was there when we arrived.

Presenter3:27

How important is music to you in your life?

Bob Mortimer3:31

I had a heart operation and since I had that, I get slightly depressed thinking about all the great songs that have meant so much to me. But if I look back and say, Well, the last time I listened to that Roxy Music track was ten years ago, so if I take the average mortality, then I'm only going to listen to that once more. So I I tend to go through, just try and remember all those tracks, all those albums that I've loved, you know, in me teens and twenties and thirties, and make sure I listen to them again.

Presenter4:02

I hope this hasn't been a depressing experience for you then, Bob, putting together the music for today.

Bob Mortimer4:07

Well I did notice I think the most modern one I've chosen is probably from the nineties I would reckon.

Presenter4:11

Tell me a little bit about the first piece of music that we're going to hear today then. Why have you chosen this?

Bob Mortimer4:15

The first bit of music is A C Symphony by Vaughan Williams and this is the track that we play before we go onstage and have done, you know, for 30 years. And it always gives me goosebumps because it's a very intimate moment that me and Jim backstage, scared stiff, just the two of us, all alone. It's very scary. On the last tour we did, I'd been told that I'd have to stop if my heart rate went over. I think it was 153. And we'd only done one rehearsal, so that's only about two hours. And then we were going out in front of about seven and a half thousand people in Leeds. So it was scary. And then after we'd done our first song, I think my heart rate was in the 160s. And I had to kind of decide at that moment, do I stop? What do I do? But I carried on and I'm kind of really grateful to those people, those 7,500 scary faces that night, because when you've had a heart thing, a lot of the problems are psychological. So I was forced to get through that and realise, no, you're absolutely fine. So I thank you, the people of Leeds, who attended that show.

Presenter6:33

The first movement from a C Symphony by Vaughan Williams, performed by the BBC Symphony Chorus and the BBC Symphony Orchestra, conducted by Sir Andrew Davis. So Bob Mortimer, that's the music that you play before you go out on stage and 20 years or thereabouts separated your tours. How had things changed when you did go back out on tour? I mean obviously you'd, as you say, had a heart problem, but what else had changed?

Bob Mortimer6:49

Yeah.

Bob Mortimer6:56

I think I'd have to admit that like for the first 15 years of touring I don't think we ever did a show sober. What was it like? Well it's more scary you don't have as much bravado that the drink gives you. But I think we did better shows so there's a lesson to be learnt there isn't there? A kind of lesson you know anyway but when we first started doing the big night out it was a show in a pub in a room above a pub. So it was just a an excuse for drinking really.

Presenter7:03

What was it like?

Presenter7:23

You describe yourself as naturally very shy, and that might surprise people who are used to seeing you frolicking so abiliently on our screens and on stage.

Bob Mortimer7:30

Okay, and

Bob Mortimer7:32

My shyness probably defined the first thirty years of my life really. It's a crippling thing. It can be very lonely, you know, knowing that you've got things to say but you daren't say them. Knowing you could contribute to something but you don't dare quite do it. So I've had this gift that um I was on television so people come up to me and say hello, so they make the first move.

Bob Mortimer7:56

And I kind of learnt in an easy way, I learned that it's okay to talk to people, it's okay to contribute and

Bob Mortimer8:04

Try and have your voice heard, you know.

Presenter8:07

So what were you like when you were little then? W were you obviously very shy, but were there any clues that, you know, you had a performer inside you somewhere?

Bob Mortimer8:14

Looking back, I don't think so. I was one of four boys. I was the youngest. I was just like my mum's little helper, you know,'cause my dad died when I was about seven. And it's often the case that what one of the kids will take on the role of being like the little helper. So my memory of my early years is one of um, you know, hoovering, painting, taking the washing down to the laundrette and

Bob Mortimer8:38

Just helping out my mum, you know, so

Bob Mortimer8:41

I say I'm shy, but I've always had one or two really close friends, like my own little gang with its own little jokes. You know, I managed. I wasn't enti never entirely on my own, as it were.

Presenter8:53

Yeah.

Bob Mortimer8:53

Yeah.

Speaker 28:53

Uh

Bob Mortimer8:54

It is a terribly crippling thing for a youngster.

Bob Mortimer8:58

It gives you a certain strength as well. When I went to u university, I didn't meet anyone. I was I was very lonely at university, just sat in my room.

Bob Mortimer9:07

You know, I got some strength from my years before then. Um I didn't really mind sitting on my own listening to my music.

Presenter9:13

Well speaking of music, let's listen to your second disc today. Why have you chosen this one?

Bob Mortimer9:18

Well, it's the band Free. It's a track called On My Way. I mean, Free are that you my elder brothers and they all had something that they really loved and they you know, one of them was a mod, one was a rocker and he had his heroes and one of them like loved Jimi Hendrix, but I didn't have anyone.

Speaker 29:31

Uh

Bob Mortimer9:33

And then when I was about thirteen I went to see um this band called Free Who I'd Never Heard at Middlesbrough Town Hall.

Bob Mortimer9:40

And I just fell in love with them and I'd found my thing. I'd found my heroes, you know. I was stood at the front with my chin on the stage. I was only young and there was Andy Fraser, uh bass player right next to me. And I adore their music, I have to know it's it's interesting'cause

Bob Mortimer9:56

Jim's the same. Jim's favourite band ever was Free and it it's funny when we look back because he came from a town near me, Darlington, and there was a lot of events back in our youth which we were both actually at. You know, say, Oh, I was at that Camel gig, oh I was at that Free gig, oh I was at Redco when they were on and it's interesting we never met, but we were at the same venues.

Bob Mortimer10:18

I also it's quite interesting. I had a girlfriend from when I was about thirteen to when I was about twenty.

Bob Mortimer10:24

And she fell in love with Paul I was in love with Andy Fraser, the base that she fell in love with Paul Rogers.

Bob Mortimer10:30

And then seven years later, she copped off with Paul Rogers' brother called Jake.

Bob Mortimer10:38

So the only free song I don't like is My Brother Jake by Free, but all the rest of it I adore.

Speaker 210:48

She talked to me

Speaker 210:50

Uh where's gone?

Speaker 210:54

Walk beside the star.

Speaker 211:01

Rainy night and rainy day, mighty swell.

Speaker 211:06

Keep away, I got trouble

Speaker 211:10

Oh no.

Presenter11:18

Free and on my way. So, Bob Mortimer, you grew up in Middlesbrough in the 1960s. What sort of place was it?

Bob Mortimer11:25

Well, it's a place I remember really fondly, you know, the fields nearby and the Cleveland Hills nearby to go and frolic in, have a fish, have a lark about. And in my teen years there was plenty of work then. I worked in the chicken factory, in the steel foundry, worked on the uh the bins for a year or so.

Presenter11:45

Yeah, you were a bin man for like eighteen months, weren't you?

Bob Mortimer11:47

Yeah, about a year and a half, yeah. I started as a summer job, but I just stayed on'cause I I liked it very much.

Presenter11:52

What did you like about it?

Bob Mortimer11:54

I liked it that it made you very fit doing all the lifting and that, so I could um wear short sleeved T shirts, which I'd never been able to do before. And I liked it because we finished at midday.

Bob Mortimer12:08

I think it's changed now. I can s I still see dust bin men creeping around the estates around about four or five o'clock now, and I feel sorry for'em, because that used to be the big bonus of being a bin man, was you finished uh it was job and finish, they called it.

Presenter12:22

Mm-hmm.

Bob Mortimer12:22

So if he did it at quite a lick, he could be finished by twelve.

Presenter12:26

In my introduction I mentioned the influence of comics like Spike Milligan and Tommy Cooper on You, Who Else Were Your Heroes?

Bob Mortimer12:32

I watched Monty Python and that was the first time I thought I was watching something that was made for me, you know, not for my parents, kind of thing. Jen Spike Milligan, Laurel and Hardy. I've always liked clowns, you know, i idiots, you know, I think uh Jim and I would be very proud to be called that.

Presenter12:51

Tell me a bit more about you when you were little. You said that you lost your dad when you were little seven, I think.

Bob Mortimer12:56

Um I just remember coming back home, being ushered away by um policemen, not knowing what was happening, and then um a couple of weeks later being told that my dad had died.

Bob Mortimer13:11

just crying and being very sad about it. And then

Bob Mortimer13:15

kind of forgetting about it really and thinking that it hadn't affected me at all, you know, but then later in my life realizing it was, you know, it was pat probably the defining moment of my life really. It's kind of defined my personality and um

Presenter13:30

Hi so.

Bob Mortimer13:31

I think it's just as simple as that something so precious has been taken from you. You you can feel very insecure. I think they call it compulsive helping.

Bob Mortimer13:42

Okay.

Presenter13:43

Okay.

Bob Mortimer13:44

Just to make sure that people aren't gonna abandon you, you know. You make them really rely on you. That that kind of vibe. I'm not sure, it might not be true, but uh

Bob Mortimer13:53

You know, after those first few weeks I don't have any sort of memory of missing my dad or worrying about it.

Bob Mortimer14:00

more the effect it had on my mum, you know.

Presenter14:03

And how did she cope?'Cause she had four of you to look after.

Bob Mortimer14:06

Well, I think she did very well. I mean, bless her, you know, it can't have been easy. One of my elder brothers was a mod, one was a rocker, so the

Bob Mortimer14:14

Our house immediately became the headquarters for all the scooters, all the motor bikes and uh

Presenter14:19

And there's you doing the hooverin'.

Bob Mortimer14:21

Which, yeah, is quite sad, but that's true.

Presenter14:25

On top of everything else, you did manage to burn down the family home when you were little.

Bob Mortimer14:29

Yeah, that's true. I was um counting my fireworks up and I lit some sparklers. It said on the packet of sparklers not suitable for indoor use. To me that meant that they're okay for indoor use. That if they need to put the warning on, it means yeah, you'll usually get away with it, of course.

Bob Mortimer14:48

But, um yeah, and the sparklers lit the box of fireworks and I ran the box through to the kitchen, let them go off, then spent about an hour trying to get rid of all the marks out of the lino and off the cabinets, walked back into the living room, and it was fully ablaze.

Bob Mortimer15:06

Walked around to next door to the two old ladies that live next door and I said, My house is on fire. And they said, You know, we thought it was.

Presenter15:17

Bob Bortman, I think we'd better go to the music. What's next and why have you chosen this track?

Bob Mortimer15:22

This one is like my um

Bob Mortimer15:24

Heroin?

Bob Mortimer15:26

Joni Mitchell.

Bob Mortimer15:28

You know, it's the things that she says, the way that she says them. I always thought I'd never have a chance of of seeing her live. And then, um, for my fortieth birthday, my wife took me to New York and in our hotel room when we checked in, opposite was the Madison Square Gardens and it said Tonight Joni Mitchell.

Bob Mortimer15:47

So I popped over the road and asked if there was any tickets, and there there was two tickets for the very front row.

Bob Mortimer15:52

And I don't remember, but my wife told me this morning that I cried for the first ten minutes just because there she was in front of me, this amazing woman.

Speaker 216:02

Everything comes and goes Marked by lovers and styles of clothes Things that you held high and told yourself were true Lost or changing as the days come down to you

Speaker 216:22

Down to you.

Speaker 216:25

Constant stranger, you're a

Speaker 216:28

Kind person, you're a cold person too. It's down to you.

Presenter16:37

Down to You by Joni Mitchell. So Bob Mortimer, when you were a schoolboy, you were also a very passionate footballer, with aspirations to play professionally. How serious were you about it?

Bob Mortimer16:46

That was what I was gonna do, you know. I captained my school team like three years early and then I shut off kind of thing and I played for Middlesbrough's youth team. But then at the age of sixteen, um I went into it was a shed actually, um at the training ground and was told that they weren't signing me on, so that was the end of that dream. But

Bob Mortimer17:06

Football was my life as a you know, I played football in when I got to school, football in every break and football um as soon as I got home, you know.

Presenter17:14

So how did you cope with a life without it, or at least with the hope that you would do it professionally?

Bob Mortimer17:19

I felt a little bit resentful towards football actually. I stopped I didn't play again till um I was in university. Instead of football I chose to be an electrician with the North Eastern Electricity Board.

Presenter17:32

Because people

Presenter17:33

Okay, talk me through that one.

Bob Mortimer17:36

Well, this is back in the the seventies, so when you finished your O levels, all the um industries nearby came asking you to work for them, giving you free hats, suites, or whatever, to try and entice you. And I was, you know, particularly taken by the N E E B stand.

Presenter17:54

Did they have good hats?

Bob Mortimer17:55

Yeah, NEEB. North East Electricity Board. So that was what I was going to do, be an electrician.

Bob Mortimer18:02

I didn't because my two best friends, they got their O levels and I did. I got my was it five O levels I think you had to have to do A levels.

Bob Mortimer18:11

So they were staying, so I thought, right, that's what I'll do'cause I enjoyed school very much. I didn't take my exams particularly seriously. It wasn't something in my home that I was being encouraged to do, you know. Um but yeah, I got lucky, so I stayed on to sixth form.

Speaker 218:23

Yeah.

Presenter18:23

Hmm.

Presenter18:28

Listeners might have seen your cooking exploits on gone fishing. Was that something that started young? Have you always been a keen cook?

Bob Mortimer18:36

My mum was a cook, that's what she did for a living, and in this little helper role I was the person that helped her cook.

Bob Mortimer18:42

So yes, she taught me good. She never wanted me to work in a kitchen. She said it's too badly paid and it's too hot, and she wished she'd never done it. She said if you're an egg chef, you can do anything. So I'm really good with eggs.

Presenter18:56

And did your mum have a good sense of humour as well? Was that something you got from her?

Bob Mortimer18:59

Oh well I think so. I'm told that I don't really remember my dad but I'm told by my brothers that um my dad was very eccentric. He used to wear li Liederhausen, is that the word? Of a weekend and that it was always very embarrassing for the boys where they didn't want to go anywhere with him because he would wear Liederhausen, which as you can imagine Lauren is is strange in the North East.

Presenter19:20

Why was he wearing Ledehausen?

Bob Mortimer19:22

I'll never know. I can never ask that man.

Bob Mortimer19:26

I suppose it's a bit like wanting to ask Batman, isn't it?

Presenter19:29

Yeah.

Bob Mortimer19:29

You will never know.

Presenter19:30

Sometimes there is no why.

Bob Mortimer19:32

Yeah, exactly. I'd like to think there's no why.

Presenter19:36

Let's go with the music. Tell me about your fourth disc today.

Bob Mortimer19:39

My fourth one is Madness, it must be love. When I eventually did leave my mum who my mum's on her own by then, I was the last one to leave.

Bob Mortimer19:48

And I knew it would be a bit difficult, sort of, abandoning my mum to live on her own. And when I went to uh

Bob Mortimer19:56

University. I got in the car, my brother's car, who was going to give me a lift to university, and the first track that came on

Bob Mortimer20:04

It was this one.

Bob Mortimer20:05

And it hit me kind of just at the perfect time, because I was leaving my mum.

Bob Mortimer20:11

And so yeah, that made me cry. But I knew I was gonna um she would miss me.

Speaker 220:17

I never thought I'd miss you half as much.

Speaker 220:22

As I do

Speaker 220:30

And I never thought I'd feel this way.

Speaker 220:33

I feel

Speaker 220:35

About you

Speaker 220:43

As soon as I wake up, every night

Speaker 220:47

Every day

Speaker 220:49

I know that it's you I need to tell you

Presenter20:53

Madness and it must be love. You chose to do law at university in Sussex.

Bob Mortimer20:57

Yeah.

Bob Mortimer20:59

You know, I'd gone down this odd academic route, which wasn't really my intention, but I had two elder brothers who'd studied law, and I noticed that they had both had jobs, both seemed to be reasonably happy, so I ticked that box. It wasn't something I really wanted to do, and it never suited me. I've kind of, in my heart of heart, I knew it didn't really. On the first day when I was at Sussex University, there was a little card saying, Welcome, all the law students are having a drink tonight somewhere or whatever. So I went down there.

Bob Mortimer21:31

And I thought the appropriate dress would be

Bob Mortimer21:34

My Middlesbrough football shirt and a Levi jacket. That seemed about the right way to pitch myself. Yeah.

Speaker 221:39

Yeah.

Bob Mortimer21:40

But when I got there, they were all in black tie and so on, and I instantly thought, ah, this probably isn't going to be for me.

Speaker 221:44

Uh

Speaker 321:45

Uh

Speaker 321:45

This is probably

Bob Mortimer21:47

So through throughout my entire three years at Sussex, I never spoke to another law student. So there you go.

Presenter21:55

How is that possible, spending three years there? We just talked in.

Bob Mortimer21:58

Well talked in tutorials and so on, but as soon as they finished I was away back to my room to listen to my records. I did pass my exams in the end, um became a solicitor and joined a firm in Peckham.

Presenter22:00

But since that

Bob Mortimer22:10

Where there was a lot of cockroach infestation in the in the high rises, I was aware that there was something legally that could be done about it using the Public Health Act. So uh in that particular borough I was the first one to take them to court using the Public Health Act. I was on the front of the local paper, there was a picture of me as the cockroach king.

Presenter22:30

Wow.

Bob Mortimer22:30

Um

Bob Mortimer22:31

And I'm right proud.

Presenter22:32

You must have been plays.

Bob Mortimer22:33

Thought I'd made it, yeah. King of the cockroaches.

Presenter22:37

What was your own life like at this point? I mean, you just got into law wanting a proper job, you know, wanting that kind of stability that you saw your brothers have.

Bob Mortimer22:44

Funny enough, I was living in a homeless hostel at the time, doing me work.

Bob Mortimer22:49

Um going back to me homeless hostel and then

Bob Mortimer22:53

One day, an old acquaintance from Middlesbrough had asked my mum for my telephone number and he appeared at the door in the hostel and said, Do you want to go to something tonight called Vic Reeves Big Night Out? And I did because I didn't know a soul in London. So yeah, please, I hadn't been out for ages. So I went down there with this friend and that's kind of the moment everything changed for me, really.

Presenter23:22

Tell me about your first memory of of Jim.

Bob Mortimer23:25

Well, w I went to a tiny room in a pub upstairs and there was about six or seven of his friends round a table and Jim on stage with a Brian Ferry mask on and planks attached to his feet tap dancing.

Presenter23:42

Uh

Speaker 223:42

Yeah.

Bob Mortimer23:42

And moaning, making high-pitched wails. And do you know I j I was hooked instantly.

Speaker 223:43

Making ha

Bob Mortimer23:50

As soon as Jim was finished, he just came and sat with his friends, which was the audience. So I got introduced to him and um started going every week. And every one of his friends of that little group of seven or eight people would do something on the show.

Bob Mortimer24:05

So I started doing something. I think the first thing I did was go up and give him a cheque for helping out Daft Kids for seven million pounds or something. And then I came on with a helmet on and I was the the man with the stick was born, which is something that's en endured for us throughout all these years.

Presenter24:23

Oh wow, so that was you to begin with.

Bob Mortimer24:25

Yeah, and then we eventually started writing it together. It transferred from a pub to a little local theatre. And then one night Michael Grade and Alan Yentob were in the audience, unbeknownst to us, and they both asked us if we'd like to go on telly. And I'm only talking about perhaps six months from the very first Victory's Big Night Out to it being commissioned for the T V. It's incredible.

Presenter24:51

Time some more music. It's your fifth disc. Why have you chosen this one?

Bob Mortimer24:55

It's The Who, The Punk, and The Godfather. It's from the album Quadrophenia, which I think was quite important to me in a way because it's like sometimes music can inspire you to take a just occasionally to literally make a big decision in your life. I'm going back to when I was 17 and leaving me mum on the Todd. And I was obsessed with this album at the time and reading the story of Jimmy and having his adventures in Brighton. And I just thought to myself, Yeah, you know, it's time I had a little adventure. I've got to do this. And, you know, silly as it might sound, that's why I went to Brighton because of quadrophenia. No other reason. And it's a great album.

Speaker 225:38

Declared you would be three inches taller, you only became what we made you.

Speaker 225:45

Whilst you were chasing a destiny calling, you only earned what we gave you.

Speaker 225:53

Well and cried as our people were starting, but now you know that we blame you.

Speaker 226:01

Try to walk on the trail, we would call it.

Speaker 226:04

Now you know that we framed you.

Speaker 226:08

I'm the guy who's

Presenter26:11

The Who, the Punk and The Godfather. So Bob Mortimer, you took twelve weeks off from work as a solicitor to give this comedy thing a go.

Bob Mortimer26:20

Yeah.

Presenter26:20

Yeah.

Bob Mortimer26:20

Uh

Presenter26:20

And never went back. I mean, tell me a little bit more about that transition from, you know, your day job to doing comedy professionally.

Bob Mortimer26:27

I took 12 weeks off, but I mean, and Jim would tell you the same thing. We didn't think there was any chance of this show ever being recommissioned. We just thought it was a lovely little thing to do to be able to tell our kids we were once on telly. We literally not for one second thought we would ever be doing it again. You know, it hit a note with enough people that that became what I wanted to do. I'd found sort of like a passion at last, you know, and a soulmate in Jim. He's a genius, total genius. So, you know, to find someone like that and to work with them every day, it's amazing, amazingly lucky and inspired by them every day, you know. So.

Bob Mortimer27:09

So yeah, I'm a lucky boy there, but that's so what happened was that Jim happened.

Bob Mortimer27:16

And everything changed.

Presenter27:17

So how do you assess then your part in

Presenter27:21

The success that you've had is a duo because when I look at the two of you, I see you as equals.

Bob Mortimer27:27

We work well together and it's lovely to do comedy as a duo because we can enjoy the whole thing together and it keeps you grounded. I mean it's a gift not to be a lawyer because after all those years of training and so on it's it's going to take quite something to say no I'm just going to stop, I'm going to put that all behind me, disappoint me mum and everything and there's only something as ridiculous as someone saying would you like to go on the T V and do your own show that we gave me the bottle to actually do it. So yeah thank you to Jim and thank you to the law for making me want to escape you know.

Presenter28:08

What did your mum think about your comedy career? You said she was you risked disappointing her by giving up the law.

Bob Mortimer28:13

Yes, I think she was very proud of me that I was a solicitor because we were like the first generation of that family that had gone to university and stuff. A lot of people get asked when you get I always hear that people get asked, so when are you getting married? So when are you getting married? My question from my mum every time I phoned her up I saw her was when are you going back to the law? And that only stopped when I launched the Cadbury's boost bar.

Bob Mortimer28:35

on T V and I think at that point she realized that I probably was going to be able to make a living. So the question stopped.

Bob Mortimer28:44

After she saw me on a big, expensive advert.

Presenter28:47

But

Bob Mortimer28:48

Um I think she quite liked what we did.

Presenter28:50

So you've done all sorts of shows, quiz shows, variety shows, sitcom, drama. Is there a particular type of comedy that you enjoy the most?

Bob Mortimer28:57

The one that I enjoyed doing most was a series called Catarick.

Bob Mortimer29:02

And that was probably like the happiest time of my T V life.'Cause we were working with um Matt Lucas and Rhys Shearsmith and Mark Benton and the wonderful Moana Banks and um

Bob Mortimer29:17

It was a lovely time and I think but it's both uh Jim and mine's favourite show that we've ever done as well. We think it's probably our best work as it were. And it's interesting really because it gave us the chance to um to put in some of the music that we loved as well. Moena does a very long um Joni Mitchell song in it and uh Matt tried to sing a Morrissey song but corpsed so much that it was completely unusable.

Presenter29:44

Let's have some more music. Your sixth disc today. Who's it by and why have you chosen it?

Bob Mortimer29:48

It's The Beautiful South Hot on the Heels of Heartbreak and I chose it because it's a song that myself and Moenna sang together on Katrick and it just reminds me of that wonderful six weeks when we were shooting that show.

Speaker 230:04

If you could pull yourself away from that mess.

Speaker 230:10

Charlie, if you can pack a punch, then you can pack your dress.

Speaker 230:16

Quashad on the trail of Selpete is wilderness.

Speaker 230:22

Like holla on the hills a heartbreak is happiness

Speaker 230:27

It's an upward struggle just to be a sound

Speaker 230:33

If I climb too hard, I'll end up on the ship.

Presenter30:39

The Beautiful South, hot on the heels of heartbreak. So Bob Mortimer, you were about to take Vic and Bob's big night out on a huge anniversary tour three years ago, and you had to delay it at very short notice because of heart problems. What happened?

Bob Mortimer30:52

Yeah.

Bob Mortimer30:54

We just went to see my GP because I had a tiny little pain on my chest. He didn't like the, you know, he sent me to the heart specialist. Four days after that, I was on the operating table. Because sadly, you don't get any warning with heart disease, really. I'm a bit evangelical, might be the word about it. Is that fellas in their 50s, they all get their heart checked. So easy, you just need a treadmill test. You get no warning, and that's the frightening thing about it. You just drop. It does give you a shock and make you think about what's left to be achieved and what's important to you, you know. Scared stiff. What did you do? Got married. That was good fun because I had to get a special license to be married quickly. My heart specialist sent a letter really laying it on thick. Told me never, don't you dare look at that Bob. So I never have. And I got permission. So we got married. Just myself, my wife, and my two boys. Then we went to cafe for a cup of tea and my last bacon sandwich. And then I went to hospital for my operation.

Presenter32:02

Coming out of the other side of that experience, what had come into clear focus had it simplified things?

Bob Mortimer32:08

It simplified things insofar as I became much more certain of what I wanted to do and what it was important to me to achieve. So for exa just as a daft example.

Presenter32:14

Um

Speaker 232:14

Uh

Bob Mortimer32:18

Jim has no interest in football, but I'm obsessed with football.

Bob Mortimer32:22

So I decided, no, I'm going to do something about football. So I started doing um the Athletico Mint's Football podcast. So that's just a l just a little example. I said, No, I'm going to do it. Time's running out.

Presenter32:30

So that's just a learn.

Presenter32:33

Towes.

Speaker 232:34

Uh

Bob Mortimer32:36

And yeah, I've just renewed vigour really to try and um try and achieve a few more things.

Presenter32:43

Tell me a little bit more about Mortimer and Whitehouse gone fishing, because it is it's a very different pace for you comedically. It's an extremely funny show, but it is very gentle and it does have a kind of tenderness to it. I mean this is the programme where you talk about friendship, health, being a man with comedian Paul Whitehouse and then occasionally catch a fish, obviously.

Bob Mortimer33:04

Yeah.

Presenter33:04

How did the show come about in the first place?

Bob Mortimer33:05

First place. Paul, bless him, I don't go out at all, Lauren. I never go out. I don't see my friends. I go out, say, two or three times a year when I have to. You know, there might be some event that you really are obliged to go to. I just stay at home, me and the wife. And after my heart operation, I think Paul, unbeknownst to me, was very worried that you can go two ways after heart surgery. You can either kind of get scared and just shrink onto your sofa and keep yourself safe, or you can engage with life again, you know. And I think I was probably was in danger of taking the first option. So Paul just kept asking me, come on, let's go fishing. Kept asking until eventually I did go fishing with Paul and I absolutely adored it. I discovered something that I'd kind of lost from when I was young. You know, just a purposeless day with a friend, just chewing the fat, passing time and like immersing yourself in the countryside. And like I kind of got addicted to it. And so the show came from that. We started going fishing together. And I think Paul mentioned it to someone at the BBC that you could maybe film it. Because that's what we do. We just film it.

Bob Mortimer34:16

The loud

Presenter34:16

There's no

Bob Mortimer34:17

preparation, so we go and fish.

Presenter34:19

Did its success take you by surprise?

Bob Mortimer34:22

Absolutely, yeah. If if I'd had my choice on the day it was being broadcast, I'd have had it pulled. Really? Yeah,'cause it's so different from anything I've ever done. It's so kind of gentle and nostalgic, you know.

Bob Mortimer34:36

that I just couldn't see what would motivate anyone to watch it, to enjoy it anyway. But there you go. So that was something, again, I think that ties back to

Bob Mortimer34:48

To my health, I don't think I would have done that show before my um my heart problems, but uh after them I wasn't gonna miss an opportunity like that.

Presenter34:59

Let's have your seventh disc to day.

Bob Mortimer35:01

I've always been a big fan of the band Squeeze. They feel like they've been with me a lot of years. And I think Paul Rogers from Free is the best English singer that we've ever had. But I'd put Glenn Tilbrook right up there. And there's this beautiful song, Some Fantastic Place, which was Glenn's song about a friend that he'd recently lost. Sort of talking about a hope that wherever you go after you're dead, that maybe they'll meet up again in some way. And it's called Some Fantastic Place. And I've asked Jim if he'll sing this at my funeral. So that would be nice. He hasn't asked me to sing it at his, so he obviously knows he's going to last a bit longer.

Speaker 235:40

So he obviously knows.

Speaker 235:47

She gave to me her tenderness, her friendship and her love.

Speaker 235:55

I see her face from time to time, There in the sky above We grew up learning as we went, What a voyage our lives could be

Speaker 236:10

It took us through a wilderness into the commissed sea A smile could live

Presenter36:20

Some fantastic place by Squeeze. So Bob Mortimer, what do you make of the comedy scene these days, now that you're one of its elder statesmen?

Bob Mortimer36:28

Well, I kind of feel a bit apart from it to a certain extent because it's weird that thirty years ago when I was watching comedians on the telly, I was watching people like Tommy Cooper and Spike Milligan and so on, these clowns, these fools.

Bob Mortimer36:43

But since we started, no one there's a few a few except maybe the mighty Boosh and Harry Hill, but basically the playing field's been left clear for us really. I think that's maybe one of the reasons why we're still on the T V, is that if you want that type of comedy, no one else is really bothering to do it, which surprises me, because that's what comedy always was.

Presenter37:06

Why is that, do you think?

Bob Mortimer37:09

I don't know. I s suspect it's something to do with comedy becoming a career path, rather than something that you just do for the joy of it, you know?

Presenter37:19

And what advice would you give to someone who wants to be a comedian who's listening to this?

Bob Mortimer37:23

Well the thing that served myself and Jim quite well is just doing what makes each other laugh and you know never asking that question but will other people find it funny. I don't think little groups of friends sit around doing observation comedy in pubs and saying have you ever noticed or you know I don't think they do that and I think maybe people should return to just you know just do what makes you laugh.

Presenter37:47

And how do you feel about fame and the kind of fame that you enjoy? I wonder how you classify it, whether it's cult fame and national treasure status.

Bob Mortimer37:55

I would think we always have been and always will be just a little bit of a specialist interest, a little bit of a cult. I think there was a time, you know, round about when we did Randall and Hopkirk on BBC One and we did a Saturday night, Saturday evening family show called Families at War, when I think around about that time, it maybe probably I would admit to it did bother us. We don't seem to be big stars and a lot of people who'd started on our show were massive stars and we're thinking what we, you know, like that we would like some of that as it were. But now, as I'm older, I think, no, we've got lucky. It's a really perfect place to be. You know, we live very ordinary lives and can live our lives unencumbered. You know, no one says hello to, you know, I'm not bothered by anyone or anything. And I think that's quite a nice place to be on reflection.

Presenter38:50

And how will you get on on our island, do you think, without an audience or any type of partner? We know that you can do solitude because you mentioned that you did a lot of it when you were young, but do you like it?

Bob Mortimer39:00

I'll miss the television.

Bob Mortimer39:02

Terribly'cause I do watch a lot of television. I'm so good at watching television. I'll miss that, but yeah, I think I'll be okay. I can stare at stuff. I used to wonder when I saw old people, look at that old person just staring at stuff. But I'm beginning to understand it. There's nothing better than just staring at a buttercup struggling to make an impact on the world, you know? I think I'll be okay.

Presenter39:26

I wondered whether you might want to recreate Novelty Island on our Desert Island.

Bob Mortimer39:32

Could do. I'd have to play every competitor.

Presenter39:36

Not that much.

Presenter39:40

Let's have some more music. What's your eighth disc today, Bob?

Bob Mortimer39:41

Yeah.

Bob Mortimer39:43

I got so much pleasure out of music, and I should think everyone's the same. So, when I had two little boys, aged about seven and nine.

Bob Mortimer39:50

I desperately wanted to introduce them to music and I suppose a little bit to make them try and like the same music I liked. And I got a demo disc, just a white label C D that was The Kings of Leon. Never heard of them. They hadn't made any impacts yet or whatever. And I used to play this in the car whenever I took them to school or brought them back from school or took them to the park or to the beach. Because on this particular album, you haven't got a clue what he's singing, other words. They're impenetrable. So me and my boys could sing whatever we wanted. And they used to enjoy that, but as they did that, they were slowly getting into music, you know. And they still both love Kings of Leon to this day. And I think because it was so long before Kings of Leon broke, I think they thought, oh wow, Dad knows what he's on about. He spotted them years ago.

Speaker 240:48

It's all the purity of shaven and a mother

Speaker 240:54

I'm standing on a pigeon toll, and here's this array

Speaker 241:01

Teddy on the pips and poles, he's coming round to meet you.

Speaker 241:07

And seeming like a bottle clock It's more if I stay

Speaker 241:14

Uh

Presenter41:14

Here you come, having enough road, that's a good town road, and a good town road

Presenter41:18

King of the Rodeo by Kings of Leon. Bob Mortimer, I'm about to cast you away to your desert island. Of course, I will send you away with the Bible and the complete works of Shakespeare. You could also choose another book to take with you. What's it gonna be?

Bob Mortimer41:32

I'd like to take My Secret History by Paul Thoreau. I think it's just the book I enjoyed most and I read it when I was a lot younger, and it meant a lot to me then, and I read it the other week when I was a lot older, and it meant something different.

Bob Mortimer41:47

So maybe on the island I'll read it again, and I can find different lives in there, you know.

Presenter41:53

What about a luxury item?

Bob Mortimer41:54

Oh, it's got to be a pillow.

Presenter41:56

Any s specifics that you can give me about the type of pillow?

Bob Mortimer41:59

Well, th the pillow that's on my bed at the moment.

Presenter42:01

Oh, so

Bob Mortimer42:02

I don't know a lot of the details, specifications or anything.

Presenter42:05

How would you describe it?

Bob Mortimer42:06

It's thin, soft and luxurious and has a lovely moisty smell to it that I've created that makes makes me feel at home. The smell of your own head. It must be my head, yeah.

Presenter42:20

Finally, which of these eight disks would you rush to save from the waves?

Bob Mortimer42:25

Joni Mitchell

Presenter42:26

Bob Mortimer, thank you very much for letting us hear your desert island discs.

Bob Mortimer42:29

Thank you for having me.

Presenter42:44

As we leave Bob on his desert island staring at things, there's just time for me to remind you that there's a whole range of fabulous comedians in our back catalogue. Among them Victoria Wood, Seleni Henry, Sir Billy Connolly, Jennifer Saunders and Ricky Gervais. And you can hear all those and many more programmes via the Desert Island Disc's website. Bob recalled the night he first met his comedy partner Vic Reeves in the upstairs of a London pub. Sue Lawley cast Vic away in 2003. Here he is talking about how he was actually trying to invent a musical instrument.

Speaker 243:17

I got a long piece of workman's grey pipe, about twelve foot long, and a funnel and a piece of garden hose and a saxophone mouthpiece and invented um a playable sort of Tibetan pipe, which I wanted to start my own avant-garde jazz band with.

Speaker 243:35

Never happened.

Speaker 343:36

Anyway, let's go back to you now, that moment in the pub when you invent the Vickery's big night out by yourself for a couple of years.

Speaker 243:40

Yeah.

Speaker 343:44

And then suddenly up pops in the audience, I think, this chap called Bob Mortimer.

Speaker 243:49

Well, he was a friend of a friend and he just came along and there's uh some rumours that he was heckling but Bob's never heckled anyone in his life. Um he just uh was watching and he had a good time. And the the whole nature of the thing was that if there was a friend wanted to get involved,'cause there was always it wasn't just me on my own, I'd bring other people in to do things.

Speaker 244:09

If you want to do something, guide and do it.

Speaker 344:11

And you didn't mind sharing the limelight,'cause in the end that's what you did, as we've established, you invented the whole thing. The Big Night Out was Vic Reeves' Big Night Out.

Speaker 244:15

No, I'm gonna

Speaker 344:19

You've never seemed to mind that sort of the l

Speaker 244:21

Well, I'm not a big fan of the Lyme. I'd ra you know, if it's good and it's funny, I'd I'll be the Bill Wyman, I'll sit stand right at the back. If somebody's got a good gag, which I may have written, then let'em have it.'Cause it's the it's the humor and the laughter that is it's not about wanting to be the best.

Speaker 344:40

So when was the moment that you were discovered for the big time, as it were, when you sort of because there you were dabbling on the on the the outer fringes of alternative comedy. You couldn't get much further out.

Speaker 244:49

Comedy

Speaker 244:50

Well, we weren't alternative. I mean, it was beyond that.

Speaker 344:53

Well quite.

Speaker 244:54

Alternatively

Speaker 344:54

Postmodern, dear.

Speaker 244:55

Oh yeah, I'll go back to that, yeah, probably post-modern.

Speaker 344:58

Anyway, who brought you in from the cold?

Speaker 244:58

Anyway.

Speaker 245:00

From the cold. Well, we we left doing the Big Night Out in the pub and we went to the Albany Empire Theatre in Deptford, which held about 350 people, I think. And that was so we'd do these shows every week. And one night, Michael Grade and Alan Yentob was there at the same time, and they both wanted us. Alan wanted us for BBC, and Michael wanted us for Channel 4. So there was a toss-up, really. And I think Alan I think Alan's dad died, I think he went to America, so he disappeared off the scene for a bit. And so Michael jumped in, and we went to Channel 4, and that was it.

Presenter45:45

Jim Moyer, also known as Vic Reeves, Bob Mortimer's comedy partner. Next time on Desert Island Discs you'll be able to hear the Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, Cressida Dick.

Speaker 246:12

The monarch. Many wish the Shahl to fall. Hope for revolution. They're frightened. You can smell the fear. Do you now see why I must be firm with my people? Please, I I am innocent. Lie down on the table. Slide down on the table now.

Speaker 246:27

The insurgent country suffers.

Presenter46:30

Stands against a Shaw, doesn't he?

Speaker 246:33

What does he stand for though?

Presenter46:35

That's a question for Leighton.

Speaker 246:37

And a story that reverberates throughout the world today.

Bob Mortimer46:41

I have one paper

Bob Mortimer46:42

Executed.

Speaker 246:43

Uh God's revenge on this airflower.

Speaker 246:45

The BBC World Service presents Fall of the Shah, telling the story of the 1979 Iranian Revolution.

Presenter46:54

Available now on BBC Sounds.