Lily Allen

Presenter0:00

Hello, I'm Kirsty Young. Thank you for downloading this podcast of Desert Island Discs from BBC Radio 4. For rights reasons the music choices are shorter than in the radio broadcast.

Presenter0:10

For more information about the programme, please visit bbc.co.uk/slash radio four.

Presenter0:33

My castaway this week is the singer songwriter Lily Allen.

Presenter0:37

Less than a decade ago she dipped her toe in musical waters by releasing her demos on social media. This summer she's one of the headline acts at Glastonbury.

Presenter0:45

It's twenty-nine years since she first appeared at the festival. Back then, though, she was a newborn, being carried through the crowd in swaddling. Indeed, she was as good as baptised at the font of celebrity culture. Her dad, Keith, is an actor and writer, her mum, Alison, an award-winning film producer, and for a time, her step-dad was Harry Enfield. So it seems almost inevitable that she's ended up at the centre of a media-saturated life, except that.

Presenter1:10

In all likelihood she would have been propelled there entirely by her own endeavours. Her lyrics are witty and wise ass, and capture precisely what it is to be a savvy young woman now.

Presenter1:21

She says, The only thing I can do really is write lyrics, and the only way I know how to do that is by being honest and doing it with integrity, because otherwise there's no point. So, Lily Allan, uh, writing with integrity, a reading of your lyrics would suggest that you really do put it all out there. Um you don't hold back. Is that a policy of yours, or can you just not help it?

Lily Allen1:42

I don't think it's a case of not wanting to hold back, I think.

Lily Allen1:46

I just sit down and start writing. I don't censor myself, you know, I just can't.

Lily Allen1:51

There's no point in doing it unless unless it's real.

Presenter1:53

Some people wouldn't want to have their innermost thoughts out there, though. They might write them and think, well, that's not for public consumption. Have you ever had that?

Lily Allen2:01

No.

Lily Allen2:03

Simply. Um you know, either you're an artist and you want to express yourself and share the, you know, the way that you f you feel with other people and hope that they can kind of identify, or you're fame hungry and just want to sing and dance and have your picture taken.

Presenter2:18

You've got a shelf full of musical prizes then. A Brit, Ivernovello, NME and Q Awards. Your first two albums had joint sales of five million. Your third album, currently out, went straight to number one.

Presenter2:29

I'm wondering how satisfying you personally find success. Does it quench you?

Lily Allen2:34

Yes, I think it does, but at the same time I think it brings a lot of pressure with it because I think once you've done really, really well, you kind of feel like you've got to keep

Lily Allen2:45

that level. It's difficult and especially like with today's tabloid culture, you know, you put something out and it doesn't do quite as well as the last time and suddenly it's like, ha ha, you're a massive failure. Look at you, you loser. Aren't you embarrassed and ashamed of being so stupid? And that's annoying and something that I'm quite fearful of.

Presenter3:02

It's always interesting, of course, to talk to my castaways and and see the list of music that they've chosen, but it's always especially interesting when it's musicians. When you were choosing your eight discs to take to the island, what was your criteria?

Lily Allen3:13

Variety in terms of pop music. I haven't really got any like world music or classical music'cause they're not really things that I listen to.

Presenter3:21

Yeah.

Presenter3:22

Let's listen to your first then, Lily Ann. Tell me about this. Why have you chosen it and what is it?

Lily Allen3:26

It is Common People by Pulp and I've chosen this because it's an amazing song for a start. It takes me back to an era that I've, you know, very much enjoyed watching from the sidelines, which was kind of britpop and my dad being at his most sort of anarchic and although that was painful at the time, in retrospect it looked like quite a lot of fun.

Lily Allen3:49

And I am very attracted to songs that paint pictures, and Jarvis is a master at that. It's just a song that I heard in my sort of teenage years, and it's been something that stayed with me in in my Discman, Walkman, iPod ever since.

Speaker 44:07

I said pretend you got no money And she just laughed and said are you so funny I said yeah

Speaker 44:15

I can't see anyone else smiling.

Speaker 44:20

You wanna live like common people You wanna see whatever common people see Wanna sleep with common people You wanna sleep with common people like me?

Speaker 44:34

But she didn't.

Speaker 44:36

Understand And she just smiled and held my hand

Presenter4:42

That was pulp and common people. So you live now, Lily Allen, in Gloucestershire, with your husband Sam, and you've got two very little girls. And one of the questions I asked as we were coming in to sit down in the studio was.

Lily Allen4:48

And what

Presenter4:51

Are you permanently tired?

Lily Allen4:53

Um, yeah, I am. I stand by my tiredness. I'm owning my tiredness. Yeah, but you know, we do what we do.

Presenter5:00

Yeah, and you turn up and you hit the mark and you look glamorous. You look incredibly glamorous today. You got red through your hair.

Lily Allen5:05

Yeah.

Presenter5:06

Part of your hair is plaited, and your nails I can only describe as dazzling.

Presenter5:10

Can you describe them better than that?

Lily Allen5:10

They're a bit Barbie ish they're sort of neon barbie these nails. Very sharp.

Presenter5:13

Very sharp. Very sharp looking. We used to see you in the prom dresses and the Nikes and the day glow hoop earrings, and now really.

Lily Allen5:17

This is in the night.

Presenter5:20

You always look incredibly chic and and pulled together and sort of borderline coutureish now when you turn on this thing.

Lily Allen5:25

Yeah, I'm very lucky that there are lots of brands that will lend me clothes for special occasions and

Lily Allen5:31

You know, send me lovely handbags and yeah, you know, I really enjoy I do enjoy dressing up.

Presenter5:36

One of your most recent singles called Hard Out Here was written partly to to satirise this incessant objectification of women in pop culture. It's always highly sexualized now, and a lot of us who have kids, especially girls, you know, worry about that.

Speaker 15:49

Uh

Speaker 45:49

You know what?

Presenter5:51

And there it was, of course, crammed full of jiggling bots of women. And what do you think about the criticism of having your cake and eat it? On the one hand, you're saying this is ridiculous, but also you've got an an M T V suitable video with lots of naked women in it.

Lily Allen6:04

Semi

Presenter6:05

Semi-naked man.

Lily Allen6:06

Well listen, you know, I I try and be as sort of provocative as possible and uh that was the way that I wanted to make my point and I feel like we executed it well. But, you know, I've always said that I'm a mass of contradictions and a massive hypocrite. You can hear it from song to song, you know, I and I I st I feel like I reserve the right to change my mind and and and have a different opinion from one day to the next.

Presenter6:29

It's a risky business, that, isn't it? I mean, we're we're all a mass of contradictions, but when you expose yourself in that way.

Presenter6:35

You're opening yourself up to a real battering.

Lily Allen6:39

Yeah, and I get it. But, you know, I feel like I think it's one thing if you're a politician, you know, you do kind of have to stay stick with what you've said. But I write music and I think we live in a really confusing time. And I think that it's okay to feel confused. And that's kind of a lot about of what my songs are about.

Presenter6:58

Does anybody ever try to temper you? I mean, are there people at your record company who say, you know, what we'd like is you in a room full of kittens, just shutting up and smiling?

Lily Allen7:07

Um

Lily Allen7:09

No, they don't. I do feel like things have become more sort of watered down and I feel like I could get away with a lot more ten years ago in within my music than I can now.

Presenter7:17

It was in my music.

Presenter7:18

Particularly what, can you give me examples of that?

Lily Allen7:21

Well, there's a song on Jesus which says the word period three times in one of the verses, and I felt that it should have been a single, if not one of the lead singles, and the radio people at the record company were just like, No.

Lily Allen7:35

It's just gonna gross people out. I was like

Lily Allen7:37

What the word period? And she said, Yeah, you know, people just don't want to hear that on the radio. And I was like, I don't.

Lily Allen7:44

Care what people want to hear, they're going to hear it.

Lily Allen7:48

But they you know, they won.

Presenter7:50

Anyway. Let's see your second disc, Clear Alan. Tell me about this. What are we going to hear now?

Lily Allen7:54

This one is a bit of a wildcard, it's called Where's Me Jumper by the Sultans of Ping Fc.

Lily Allen7:59

I have no idea what it's about, but it it's just a fun sort of jump-up, anarchic, ridiculous song that's about losing your jumper.

Speaker 48:10

Cover your turn in Yorkshire Toffee. Dancing in the disco bumpa to bump up. Wait a minute. Welcome to Jumper. Welcome to Jumper. Welcome to Jumper. Welcome to Jumper.

Speaker 48:33

That's against go bump bum to pump up. Wait a minute, where's the jumper? Where's the jumper? Where's the jump?

Presenter8:41

I have to tell you, Diliann, that was a first for Desert Islandists. That was the Sultans of Ping Atsea and Where's Me Jumper.

Presenter8:47

So you were born way back in 1985. It seems ludicrous to even say that. Keith Allen, your dad, of course, as most people know, Alison Owen, your mum.

Speaker 18:49

Uh

Lily Allen8:49

Yeah.

Presenter8:55

What do you remember about your childhood?

Lily Allen8:57

Um hmm. This is a tricky one. I don't really remember much about it, to be honest.

Lily Allen9:03

I remember like the houses that I lived in. I remember going shopping at Gap Kids on the weekend sometimes.

Presenter9:11

You have been quoted as saying that your childhood was confusing, hectic, and mental.

Lily Allen9:16

Hmm.

Presenter9:16

Hmm so that doesn't sound like gap kids unless it's like that

Lily Allen9:18

No, I mean actually to be honest that was um I remember my mum went away somewhere I think maybe she was doing a film or something in America and it was just after her and Harry Enfield had split up. But she'd gone off and my brother was at boarding school. I don't know where my sister was, but Harry was looking after me at the time. So we lived in Primrose Hill together and um he would take me shopping at Gap Kids and we'd go and have Chinese every Saturday. I mean I I honestly I I can't remember it. I don't know. I don't think it's because I've, you know, blocked it out. I just think because there was no routine it it was you know a bit all over the place.

Presenter9:55

People who've written about you, who've known you for a long time, say that you know when they met you and you were ten, eleven, twelve, you were wise beyond your years.

Lily Allen9:57

Nope.

Lily Allen10:02

Yeah, I remember feeling very much like I just wanted to be grown up, you know. When I was at sc you know, primary school I just longed for the day that I was sixteen. And then when I was sixteen I just wanted to be seventeen so I could get my driving licence and just drive away.

Presenter10:17

I understand that you don't you don't remember specific memories. Do you remember feelings?

Lily Allen10:22

Um, you know, I think that my mum and dad's marriage was really, really difficult and I remember the sort of fall out of that not being very nice. In fact, I remember do remember the day he left. I remember us all being in the hallway and

Lily Allen10:34

Mum saying, you know, Dad's going now and I remember saying

Lily Allen10:39

So, does that mean you're not my dad any more? And I would have been four then and I think I was sort of reassured. But yeah, it wu you know, f lots of kids go through the same thing.

Presenter10:52

Are creating your your home with Sam and doing the things that families do and deciding that it's going to be this way for us? Are you always deciding it's going to feel the way that you didn't feel?

Lily Allen10:58

For a

Lily Allen11:02

No, no, no not at all. Because I I was very loved, you know, it was not it's not like I was deprived of of that at all. I do feel quite anxious about the time that I spend away and I think because I can't really remember what happened when I was a kid, I know that there were lots of you know like nannies and stuff and um and that my mum was obviously away for work and my dad had us for weekends here and there, but

Lily Allen11:27

I do worry about.

Lily Allen11:28

Leaving my kids for too long.

Presenter11:30

For a long time, then you were Keith Allen's daughter, and now he's Lily Allen's daughter.

Lily Allen11:32

But now he

Lily Allen11:34

That was

Presenter11:34

How's he was that?

Lily Allen11:36

It's quite funny.

Lily Allen11:39

Oh, I do quite enjoy that in a in a horrible way. But I was somewhere the other night and Noel Gallagher came up to me and said, Um, your dad called me the other day I said, Really? He said, Yeah, yeah, it was really weird'cause he called me up and went, Hi, Noel, it's Keith. Lily Lily's

Lily Allen11:58

And Noel was like, Keith, I've known you twenty years. What are you on about? So yeah, that's funny. But I don't know. I'll always be his daughter. I I can't think of it any other way.

Presenter12:10

Let's have some more music, Lily Allan, Keith Allen's daughter. What we gonna hear now?

Lily Allen12:15

Now because my record is called Shesus and I have been away for five or so years, and this is one of my favorite songs of all time, I thought it only right that we play Stone Rose's I Am the Resurrection

Speaker 412:30

Waste your words, I don't need anything from you.

Speaker 412:37

I don't care where you've been or what you plan to do

Speaker 412:45

I am the resurrection and I am the lion.

Speaker 412:55

I hate you as I hate

Presenter13:04

Stone Roses, I am the resurrection. Um, Lily, you said that your school days started well.

Lily Allen13:10

Yeah and then

Presenter13:10

Yeah, and then what happened?

Lily Allen13:12

Well, I don't think they really ended that badly either, to be honest. I I think well, apart from the fact I didn't have any qualifications, I've still got quite a lot of my school reports. Nursery, it started really well. It sort of said, you know, Lily is the life and soul of the class and she always joins in and helps all the chil other children if they're sad and she's a fantastic little helper and blah blah blah blah. And then as I got a little bit older, it became, you know, Lily could really excel at this subject if sh only she applied herself to then being like, well, I would love to tell you what Lily was like in this class, but we haven't seen her.

Presenter13:49

What was Lily doing when she wasn't at school?

Lily Allen13:51

Um hanging out with older kids, smoking and drinking and um snogging, probably.

Lily Allen14:02

Uh

Presenter14:02

Were you I get k a contradictory impression from much of what I read about your childhood, saying that you some interviews say you were a bullied child and that you were very shy. Is it are either of those things true?

Lily Allen14:14

Um I think

Lily Allen14:16

It really depends what was going on in my home life at the time. I think um you know, when I was at I was at a Catholic school in Camden for a few years when I lived with Harry, and that was like one of the most positive school experiences that I had. And actually that's where I've sang for the first time as well. I had a a teach singing teacher called Rachel Santeso who was a supply teacher and she just happened to hear me singing.

Lily Allen14:40

Along to an Oasis song on my Walkman, and um, and said, Hey, you should you should work on that. And so we worked on a song together and

Lily Allen14:47

I sang it at a parents' evening and brought down the house. All the mums were crying. What was the song? Do you remember it? Yeah, it's called Baby Mine from Dumbo. It was the song the mummy elephant sang to the baby elephant.

Presenter14:58

And what did the cool girl who wanted to smoke and drink and and be grown up think of that?

Lily Allen15:01

Well, she is only eleven, so

Lily Allen15:05

I think she liked the reaction that she got and suddenly felt like this was something that she could do.

Lily Allen15:12

When I was growing up, you know, Alfie, my brother, was always the performer, and my dad, obviously, and

Lily Allen15:18

I was actually quite quiet.

Presenter15:19

as a child. And you mentioned the the all girl Catholic school in in Camden. You also went to Hill House School. You went to Bdales in Hampshire, again, a public school. Now I know that was mixed in with lots of other schools, but that is a top drawer education by anybody's standards, isn't it?

Lily Allen15:26

Uh

Lily Allen15:29

Lots of other

Lily Allen15:34

Yeah, I mean I d I wasn't at Bdells for very long. Uh I just didn't want to be in the countryside. I wanted to be in London and amongst it with my friends.

Lily Allen15:42

But I think it was tough because, you know, at Beedell's I'd walk into the

Lily Allen15:46

Canteen on a Sunday, and um, my dad would be on the front cover of the Sunday Times magazine completely naked, and people would be laughing at me. So I didn't feel ashamed of my dad, I just felt like I wanted to be back in London with my family and not with all these super posh people. And I got back to London, and my mum was quite rightly yeah, it was, my mum quite rightly said.

Presenter16:06

Quite rightly.

Lily Allen16:09

You know, you can't sit on the sofa all day watching Jeremy Kyle. Um, so I went and trained to be a florist. Did you enjoy it? I loved it. Flowers don't talk and they're pretty. I still love it actually. You know, I grow flowers in my garden and I went to the Chelsea Flower Show last year for the first time and just went slightly mental on the bulb front.

Lily Allen16:30

Let's have some more music, Lily Allan. What are we going to hear? It gives me butterflies listening to this song'cause it s it takes me back to like a really fun, happy, positive time, but also there's something quite terrifying about it in the sense that, you know, you could put this on and the night could take you anywhere. It's called Blinded by the Lights, by the Streets.

Speaker 116:50

That's the one. Oh. How did he not find a baggie with his hand in my shoe? Way too close for me. Oh well at least they allowed me through. Should be a good night in here. Ramo in the main room. People keep pushing me though. A reception on the phone. And I'm thinking.

Speaker 417:07

Light so blind in my eye.

Speaker 117:10

They said they'd be here, they said, They said in the corner

Speaker 117:13

And I'm thinking

Speaker 417:14

People pushing by.

Speaker 417:18

Then walking off into the night

Presenter17:21

That was the streets and blinded by the lights, and chosen by you, Lilianne, because you said it reminded you of the sense of anticipation. You said the night could take you anywhere. Where did the night take you?

Lily Allen17:28

Yeah.

Lily Allen17:30

Oh God, if I could remember, um, then I would be not as badly behaved as I am.

Lily Allen17:36

Or was. Um, yeah, and I I can't I mean, actually back in those days I we used to go to like these ware illegal warehouse raves on Saturday nights and you would call a number at about midnight, one o'clock in the morning and then there'd be a voicemail message telling you the address where to go. How old were you at th then? Sixteen, seventeen. Yeah.

Presenter17:55

You've been very straightforward about your drug taking in the past, and I wondered as a mother how you will approach that complex subject when your own kids are old enough to start asking questions about.

Lily Allen18:07

Well, I think because my own drug taking has been so well documented, I think that I can't really

Lily Allen18:14

Do anything, except for.

Lily Allen18:16

Be there for them. I'm not going to push them into into drug taking. But, you know, I think.

Lily Allen18:24

people are going to do what they want to do and quite rightly they'd say, Well, you're a hypocrite. You you went and experimented and you said it was a right laugh, so um what do you mean I can't? And I'll s I'll, you know, advise them of the the downfalls and the risks, but yeah, I d I don't really like judging or implementing rules on people. I'm not that kind of person.

Presenter18:45

It it never tipped for you into I mean, you you said it w during some music, you know, you were talking about your fabulous nails and so you said I'm a bit of a control freak and it's never you've always been in control of it, it never controlled you at any point.

Lily Allen18:55

Yeah, I mean, I think probably because I've seen so much of it growing up, and I've seen people really lose the plot, I've seen people die. I.

Lily Allen19:03

I'm hyper aware of when I feel like I'm losing control. And yeah, I've I've nipped it in the bud, I think. And and that that's, you know, one of the amazing things about many amazing things about my husband is that he came along just at the right moment when things could have really gone south. What moment was that? I was really manic and on the road and being chased by people and my life being

Presenter19:28

People.

Speaker 119:29

Uh

Lily Allen19:31

in my groups of friends that were selling stories about me. Feeling like you can't trust anyone in your circle, it, you know, brings on horrible spells of paranoia and um and yeah, my way of coping with it was to not eat very much. That was a control thing for me. Um and to

Lily Allen19:50

Yeah, get out of it, get as wasted as I possibly could. And I just I never used to remember, I just used to wake up in the morning and think, What what happened last night?

Presenter19:59

I couldn't remember. Was that two thousand nine then? Is that second album time?

Lily Allen20:02

Yes, yeah. And then Sam came along and he sort of said, you know, I really fancy and I really want to be with you, but this is I can't be with someone like this. And I remember sort of being at a crossroads and I sort of thought, but this is how I deal with stuff. So if I'm going to give all of this stuff up, I need to know that you're going to make a commitment to me and that you'll look after me because this is how I cope.

Presenter20:06

Dina

Presenter20:27

Let's have some more music, Lily Allen. We're on your fifth. Yeah. A different note. Tell me about this.

Lily Allen20:31

A different

Lily Allen20:33

Yeah, it's by a guy called Jerry Rafferty and it's called Right Down the Line. There's a sort of weepy guitar in it that I really identify with and just watch out for how he says woman. It's very good.

Speaker 420:46

Put something better inside of me

Speaker 420:50

You brought me into the light

Speaker 420:54

Throw away all those crazy dreams

Speaker 420:58

I put the mole behind

Speaker 421:00

And it was you.

Speaker 421:03

Who be

Speaker 421:05

Right down the line.

Presenter21:21

That was Jay Rafferty and right down the line. Um your first album then came out in two thousand five, All Right Still. It went straight to number two. Then suddenly Lily Allan the florist turns into Lily Allen, the very, very well known pop star. You put your stuff out there on social media, first of all.

Lily Allen21:35

Yeah.

Presenter21:38

You seemed very, very determined and self-propelled at that time. Would that be fair?

Lily Allen21:43

Yeah, the MySpace thing, because Parlophone at the time, they were super busy. It was a summer in 2005, 2006, and they hadn't really assigned me a sort of team of people, and I just felt quite frustrated that I was sort of I had all of these songs and I thought that they were good, and so I sort of took it into my own hands really, and I started making these little mixtapes, and it was literally like, you know, pieces of paper like this. I folded them up to, you know, to cut them out to make little C D covers and put, you know, one out of a hundred like they're sort of special editions and ha spray painted and stenciled the front of them and mixed in a lot of my songs with other songs they're kind of a bit like this playlist today. And then I put on the MySpace, you know, does anyone want a copy?

Lily Allen22:27

And I'd get these responses back and I'd handwrite the jiffy bags and send them all off. And a lot of people still have them to this day, you know, they're kind of like treasured possessions now.

Presenter22:35

And that first album that came out got five Brit nominations.

Lily Allen22:38

Yeah.

Presenter22:39

When you were at the Brits, was there a sense of unreal?

Lily Allen22:41

Reality to it.

Lily Allen22:44

I was told by my record company before I turned up, you know, don't get your hopes up, it's not gonna happen. That's why the Ivanovellos that I won,'cause I won three in one year, really do mean something to me.

Presenter22:53

What what have you got your Ivora Dello for?

Lily Allen22:55

Most performed work, best song, and songwriter of the year. The three best ones that you can get, really. And I got them all.

Lily Allen23:05

It's just nice to get that inside. It's just nice to get it. But then since actually Plan B did the same and someone else That was amazing.'Cause I felt sort of vindicated, you know, for my peers to go. And not just my peers, but people that are, you know, really well respected to go. You're good. It was great.

Presenter23:22

Let's have some music, Lily. What are we going to hear now? We're on your sixth. Tell me about this.

Lily Allen23:26

Hmm, this song.

Lily Allen23:29

Uh it's quite difficult actually to talk about it.

Lily Allen23:33

S sometimes I find that, um, you know, listening to certain songs can be really helpful to take you back to a certain place. And, you know, I I lost a child three years ago now, um, and I just remember uh leaving the hospital, you know,

Lily Allen23:50

empty handed, so to speak, and driving from Homerton and Hackney all the way down to

Lily Allen23:56

Gloucestershire and um this this song being on a C D that Sam was playing and it's in a weird way just a nice song to kind of connect to.

Speaker 424:08

Something deep down.

Speaker 424:10

In my soul surprise.

Speaker 424:17

When I saw you and that girl walking down

Speaker 424:26

I would rather, I would rather go blind.

Speaker 424:29

And boom

Speaker 424:35

Then to see you walk away from me, child

Presenter24:40

That was Etta Jane's, and I'd rather go blind. Uh Sue Lily, you married Sam in twenty eleven. Yeah.

Speaker 424:45

Yeah.

Presenter24:45

And you gave birth to your first daughter in November of that year. A happy time, but again, things were not straightforward for you, because, as I understand it, sh she was unwell when she was born.

Lily Allen24:55

Yeah, she had she had a a condition called laryngomalacia, which is not actually that serious, but it basi it's a problem with the throat. So she was working so hard to breathe, to just exist really and she just wasn't gaining any weight at all because all of the food that she was taking on, she was just expending the energy on this breathing process. And so when she was really, really little, the doctors said she had to

Lily Allen25:22

have an operation to correct it and

Lily Allen25:26

Uh and then that didn't work, so she had to have it again. Um and she was really you know, she was tiny, she lost so much weight. And then as a result of that, you know, because of what had happened before with my previous, it was just a really tough time. And um

Lily Allen25:44

I probably went about it the wrong way, but I was just so neurotic about her growth that I was almost kind of force feeding her because every time the doctor and the midwives came over, they would just say, No, she's lost another fifty grams and

Lily Allen25:55

And uh, you know, I couldn't really see it'cause I was just with her the whole time and I was like convinced that she was growing and she just wasn't. Um and so then I was sort of trying to get food into her and then of course she just vomited all back up again and then it was yeah, it was just really, really tiring and she had to be sort of tube fed for about seven months or eight months. Um but she's fine now, absolutely fine.

Presenter26:18

It's an exceptionally gruelling

Presenter26:20

Period that you went through by anybody's estimation and um.

Presenter26:26

By your own summation earlier, you're a coper and you're somebody who gets on.

Lily Allen26:30

You know what, I th I remember when we lost our first, you know.

Lily Allen26:34

I remember at the time just thinking.

Lily Allen26:36

It's just so bizarre that, um

Lily Allen26:39

I seem to have all of these just really, really unique experiences, you know, the highs along with the lows.

Lily Allen26:48

from like playing on the main stage at Glastonbury to seventy thousand people to losing a child. You know, it's just it's it's everything just seems to seem to be extremes. And I think when, you know, my oldest was born,

Speaker 126:53

It's just

Lily Allen27:00

I just remember the doctor saying

Lily Allen27:02

When they first diagnosed her with the condition, they said.

Lily Allen27:05

you know, it's a one in a hundred chance that you're going to have to

Lily Allen27:10

Operate, and uh, and then of course she needed the operation, and they said it's a one in a hundred chance that they will have to operate again, and I just thought.

Lily Allen27:18

How many one in a hundred chances

Lily Allen27:21

This stuff

Lily Allen27:23

Hmm. Yeah, it just sound kind of seemed like wh when are these when are just things going to be a little bit more normal? I just want children.

Lily Allen27:30

Um

Lily Allen27:31

And to be a mum, you know. I was so scared of losing her the whole time really and I just I think that was the toughest thing'cause all all I wanted to do was just to breastfeed her and to sit there in my chair with her and

Lily Allen27:42

And spend those, you know, precious hours into into the night looking after your child.

Presenter27:47

How was Sam, your husband, in the middle of all of this?

Lily Allen27:49

He was amazing because, you know, I tend when things get really, really difficult, I tend to kind of go into shutdown mode. And sometimes at sort of four o'clock in the morning once she was just vomiting, I would just jump into bed and bury myself under the duvets and just cry and he, bless him, would, um, you know, go and defrost the breast milk out of the freezer and go and sit next to her bed and just try, try, try again. He's an amazing, amazing man, um and I don't know where I would be without him.

Presenter28:20

Did you um need to write during any of this? Was it a time for writing?

Lily Allen28:24

I think no, I mean I at the time I was just really consumed with just making sure that she was gonna be okay, you know. And it wasn't until she was out the other side, so to speak, um, and we that I kind of felt like, okay, now I n I just need to do something for myself, just for a few hours a day.

Lily Allen28:43

And that's when I start fer started writing again. And yes, when I first went back, you know, the songs were predominantly about loss. But yeah, I've I find it a very cathartic process, writing songs. It's definitely one of my coping mechanisms.

Presenter28:58

Let's have some more music, Nellie. Um we're on your seventh. Tell me about this.

Lily Allen29:02

Mhm. Well

Lily Allen29:04

Any of my friends will tell you that I get very, very excited when people start playing raggo or jungle music at parties and um I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to have a drink in my hand and have my hood up and be dancing in my trainer.

Lily Allen29:20

And this is one of my favourite songs. It's called Traffic Blocking by General Degree.

Speaker 429:26

Traffic locking, yellow come down in our tights and stocking. Watch our hairstyle whopping, whopping, and the dress code never shocking, shocking. See rusting, traffic blocking, yellow come down in our tights and stocking, watch over here, style whopping, whopping, and the dress code never shocking, shocking.

Presenter29:55

That was general degree and traffic blocking. Um I've heard that you're very interested in writing musicals. Given your affinity for very concise uh lyricism, do you think that's where your heart lies in the future?

Lily Allen30:07

I hate to sort of talk about the future because it comes to bite you in the ass, but yeah, I think it would be perfect sort of transition for me because, you know, my kids are gonna be starting school in the next couple of years and I do really want to be around when they're older and, you know, can remember stuff. So, you know, writing musicals would bit would fit perfectly for me because I can be at home, right, and not have to tour the world.

Presenter30:33

How practical will you be on this island that I'm about to cast you away to, Lily Allan? Will you build a shelter? Will you fish for food? Will you cope?

Lily Allen30:41

Yes, in a word, yeah. I'm quite good at building things.

Presenter30:44

Are you a good good

Lily Allen30:45

Yeah.

Presenter30:45

Cool.

Lily Allen30:45

I'm quite good at the classics, like a shepherd's pie, uh spaghetti bolognese, but I do do ve this very good, like, twenty four hour roast pork shoulder in sort of aromatic spices.

Presenter30:57

Welcome to your thirties, Lily Ellen.

Lily Allen30:59

Not yet, I've got a year.

Presenter31:03

It's time now, I'm afraid to say, for your final disc of the morning. Tell me about this. Yeah, what are we going to hear?

Lily Allen31:08

This song was the first dance of mine and my husband's.

Lily Allen31:13

It's really sweet actually. I mean, Sam and I got together the day that I played Glastonbury, and I remember I had like a week off after that Glastonbury, so I actually hired a yurt, which is like a teepee, and put it up in my dad's back garden and invited him down. And as we left, he gave me a mix C D that he'd made for me, and this was the first song that was on it, and it became

Lily Allen31:36

the song that we danced to at our wedding. We actually flew the guy that s sang it, Tommy McLean, who's in his nineties, all the way from Louisiana with Eleven Peace Band, and he played this song, which is called Before I Grow Too Old.

Speaker 431:51

Take a trill.

Speaker 431:54

Round the world.

Speaker 431:56

Gonna kiss out the

Speaker 432:00

Pretty girls of Dora do everything.

Speaker 432:06

Silver and gold, you got to hurry up before I

Speaker 432:12

Right too long.

Presenter32:19

That was Tommy MacLean, and before I grow too old. So, Lily, I'm going to give you some books to take to this island. I'm about to send you away there. As you know, you get to take with you the complete works of Shakespeare and the Bible and one other book. What's your other book going to be?

Lily Allen32:33

Well, I I found this really tricky, but I actually settled on Auntie Mame, which is a book by Patrick Dennis, which is set in Prohibition, Manhattan. You know, the Prohibition era and New York. Fascinating. That era, that that glam, those clothes, the smoking with the long cigarette holders and the fancy hats, sequined flappery dresses. Just yeah, dreamy. Lovely.

Presenter33:01

That's it.

Lily Allen33:01

Back.

Presenter33:01

That's your book. And you're allowed a luxury to go with it. What's your luxury going to be?

Lily Allen33:05

Now, I connect very well to not only just pictures but smells. And when I first got together with Sam, we loved going to the cricket all summer, and the England cricket team gave me a cricket shirt, which Sam then wore. And when I had to say goodbye to him and go off on the road, I would take this shirt. So I'm not only taking that shirt, but I'm sewing my youngest daughter's bunny that she goes to bed with every night to Sam's shirt, so I've got both the smells, and I can smell them.

Presenter33:37

Uh Okay, it's really two luxuries, but I wouldn't dare deny you your daughter's bunny.

Lily Allen33:38

It's a bit

Lily Allen33:40

But that's it's sewed to the other one, so it becomes one.

Presenter33:45

You can indeed have that. And if you had to save just one of these eight discs from the waves, which one would it be?

Lily Allen33:50

I think it would be I am the resurrection.

Lily Allen33:54

A stone rises.

Presenter33:55

It's yours, Lily Allan. Thank you very much for letting us hear your Desert Island discs.

Lily Allen33:58

Thank you so much for having me. I really feel like I'm not at the point in my career or life yet where I can do this, but I'm very honoured to be here. Thank you.

Presenter34:47

You've been listening to a download from the BBC. You'll find more information on the Radio 4 website: bbc.co.uk slash Radio4.