Michael McIntyre

Presenter0:00

Hello, I'm Kirsty Young. Thank you for downloading this podcast of Desert Island Discs from BBC Radio 4. For rights reasons the music choices are shorter than in the radio broadcast.

Presenter0:10

For more information about the programme, please visit bbc.co.uk/slash radio four.

Presenter0:34

My castaway this week is Michael McIntyre, the best new comic in the English speaking world is how his first Edinburgh Festival show was built.

Presenter0:42

Unfortunately, it was a quote he'd made up himself, and it only persuaded one person to buy a ticket. But in less than five years he's gone from being an unknown stand-up, deep in debt, to one of the most successful comedians in the business, with awards, chart-topping DVDs and sell-out arena shows under his belt. He comes from entertainment stock. His father wrote the Kenny Everett Show, and his mother was a dancer. He says of his spectacular success it's just mind-blowing. One minute I was traipsing around comedy clubs telling my jokes. The next, I'm playing arenas. It simply doesn't get any bigger than this. Given the heights to which you've soared, Michael McIntyre, I wonder if you ever look down and get a bit dizzy with it all.

Michael McIntyre1:22

Well, it is mind blowing. It genuinely is. The way things have gone, it has been amazing and a bit uncomfortable as well because I've just been busy working and creating this stuff and now I've sort of stopped for a bit. And until you actually go out and meet people and see what the results of that are,

Presenter1:38

Yeah, and also

Michael McIntyre1:38

And people are so lovely to me, and it's um it's wild, but I'm very happy with it.

Presenter1:43

I think somebody some wise and very famous person once said that if you don't know who you are when fame hits you, fame will define you. Are are you feeling pretty steady on both legs right now?

Michael McIntyre1:52

I think I am because it took me so long. You know, I was on the circuit for like ten years. I lived a lot of real life and had my family and my wife. So I appreciate it. I mean, I really do every day. I love it.

Presenter2:04

I love it. You know, that you described this ten years of being a stand up and it and it did turn into a bit of a nightmare. I mean, you found yourself stuck at the middle of the bill to the bottom end of the bill at comedy clubs where you weren't being paid very much money, you were deeply in debt. The moment that the the nightmare turned to a dream was at the Royal Variety performance. It was what was it two thousand seven or two thousand six? Can't remember.

Michael McIntyre2:22

It was 2006. Because it really did sort of drag on, and I just couldn't get a break. I would go to the Edinburgh Festival, which is where you get your break. I mean, so many great comics have been discovered there. It's there to discover talent. And I went five times, and I never got discovered. And this went on and on and on. And as you mentioned, I did get more and more in debt because it's very expensive to take yourself up there. It was about sort of 10 grand a go, and I had no means of paying that back. So it was very frustrating. But when my chance came,

Michael McIntyre2:55

I'd envisaged it so many times, I mean, so many times I I di I wasn't even nervous. I knew I could do it, and so I think it all helped. It all helped. It was all for a reason. It just didn't feel that way.

Presenter3:06

And when it was I mean, it uh I've read, I don't know if this is right, I've read anywhere between thirty thousand and forty thousand pounds in debt. Uh, did you think I mean, by that time you've got to do it. I think I split the difference.

Michael McIntyre3:15

It was thirty five. I mean that's about the difference. I don't know.

Presenter3:18

So you were married and you had a young child. Did did you?

Michael McIntyre3:21

When you're in debt, you never know the actual figure. People who are in debt don't tend to work it out.

Presenter3:25

Okay.

Presenter3:26

Uh

Michael McIntyre3:26

Uh

Presenter3:26

Uh

Michael McIntyre3:26

Uh

Presenter3:26

Thirty-five thousand pounds ish.

Michael McIntyre3:26

Thirty-five thousand five.

Michael McIntyre3:29

Yeah. Uh

Presenter3:29

Did you think about chucking it in, getting a proper job and putting food on the table and paying the bills?

Michael McIntyre3:36

Yeah. Uh

Presenter3:36

Uh

Michael McIntyre3:36

Uh

Michael McIntyre3:36

Whether we were married then or not, I don't remember, but I remember her saying, Seriously, do you want to carry on doing this? Are you cut out for this? Because it wasn't just the fact that I wasn't getting a break and I was in debt. I was struggling greatly with nerves, and the pressure was it got it was too much for me a lot of the time. When I knew that the press would come to see my show, for example, in Edinburgh, I would crumble.

Presenter3:58

So the answer to the question, did you ever think about chucking it in is Kitty, your wife, did think about getting you to chuck it in, but you didn't. You were wedded to it as an idea and a life.

Michael McIntyre4:08

Yeah, because of those moments when I I felt that I could do it very well. I felt you know, it's when I'm happiest, when I'm really relaxed on stage, when I'm in that sort of zone, and it it felt to me magical when I'm still happiest when I'm doing it, and I'm confused when I'm not. You know, we talk about you know things going well for me, but I'm only really enjoying my life when I'm on stage doing what I can do best. I'd had those fleeting moments and I couldn't do anything else but to try and, you know, have more.

Presenter4:39

Let's have some music, Michael McIntyre. We're we're going to listen to your first choice today. Tell me about it. Why have you chosen this?

Michael McIntyre4:44

This is Massive Attack and Unfinished Sympathy, which I actually thought was Symphony until I selected it as a Desert Island disc. If I like a song I will play it until I don't like it. I just play it back to back. Some people don't use the repeat button on an iPod. I do. I mean everything I like, it's repeat. And on this album I listened to this song over and over again when I was about 17 years old. It still reminds me of that time and I was 17 and had a lot of hope and optimism and just always made me feel fantastic.

Speaker 35:18

And how it could be with you

Speaker 35:22

Yeah.

Speaker 35:26

If you have a deal without a night

Speaker 35:30

You're the button, I can't okay

Speaker 35:34

And now I've got to know my war

Presenter5:41

That was massive attack and unfinished sympathy, that is, Michael McIntyre, not symphony. Um so obsession, that that's a a a big part of your life, is it? You're an obsessive character.

Michael McIntyre5:51

It's like I find something that I like, with particularly with music. It was just fantasies really and dreaming. I would just dream basically and fantasize um when I was younger and I had a much better fantasy life than than my real life. Always with a soundtrack. And I would be enjoying it so much by the time the song ended that I would have to replay the song and just carry on with this um with this parallel world.

Presenter6:14

You you once wrote, I've spent most of my life dreaming about success. W so what measure were you aiming for? Was it popularity? Was it money? Was it the girls? What was it?

Michael McIntyre6:25

Uh

Presenter6:25

Uh

Michael McIntyre6:25

Um, it was definitely girls. I mean, massively, hugely. I was very unsuccessful with women.

Michael McIntyre6:32

I was in the wilderness with girls all through my teens. I mean nothing, no nobody was interested on any level.

Presenter6:38

And then you did,'cause you met Kitty, who you're married to now, you have two young uh children and you were uh you were in your ear very early twenties when you met her.

Michael McIntyre6:45

Uh I did meet her in my early twenties.

Presenter6:47

And then it took you how long to persuade her to go out with you?

Michael McIntyre6:50

Um two years of sort of stalking. I mean, it was stalking. We had a really good start. I think she really liked me, but I didn't know how to handle that. So what did you do? I think we might have kissed after our first date, which was something that I'd seen happen in in movies.

Speaker 37:06

Right.

Michael McIntyre7:06

But it actually happened in real life. So that was it for me. I announced to everybody that I'm in love now. I'll be marrying this girl. And then I think telling her that I had announced this to everybody, that probably was my first mistake. How quickly did you tell her that? Oh, the next day. I was like, great news. You know, my mum loves your name because she was Cottie McIntyre and you'll be Kitty McIntyre. You know, that probably scared her off a little bit.

Presenter7:29

Did you really do that? Are you d are you saying that to be entertain?

Michael McIntyre7:30

And they're used

Michael McIntyre7:32

No, I did. Of course I did that. Well, you know, that's the least of it.

Michael McIntyre7:39

Um well, I called her a lot. I said, I've got this problem. I can't leave messages. You know, hi, call me back. That's that done. But for me, I would just call until somebody picks up.

Michael McIntyre7:51

So I called so many times, you know, twenty odd miss calls. I mean, record breaking numbers of missed calls. And then I moved in, of course, near her. I got a flat on the next road to her. So I was

Speaker 47:54

Yeah.

Presenter7:55

Yeah.

Presenter8:03

Did you hide in a head?

Michael McIntyre8:04

Oh, yes, there was that as well. Yeah, that was later. That was when she actu we actually got together.

Michael McIntyre8:09

she was having a sort of relationship with somebody else and felt it was good to go out and tell him that um she was going to be with me now after two years of of stalking. And I was very upset that she had to go and tell him personally. I thought, well, you know, send him a text or I mean, I'll tell him. I'll be glad to tell him. You know what I mean?

Michael McIntyre8:28

And I completely lost it. And then I decided that what I should do is go via her house, which of course was near me because I'd moved into the next road, and make sure that her car was there. She had this little mini. And if her car's there, she's home. She's away from this man forever. The deed is done. We can now get married. But unfortunately, as I was walking past her home at one o'clock in the morning, at that exact moment she was driving, chugging along, because you could hear those minis. And I suddenly realized, oh my god, this doesn't look good. You know, I've just convinced her that I'm the man for her and not some obsessive stalker. And here I am on day one outside her house at one o'clock in the morning. So I dived into a bush which is in her front lawn and I hid in it. And then there was this moment where she stopped and she looked at the bush.

Michael McIntyre9:17

I don't know, something must have been sticking out. I'm assuming it was my hair.

Michael McIntyre9:22

And she just went, Michael?

Michael McIntyre9:24

Michael? And I thought, well, I've got options here. Either I can hope that she she moves on.

Michael McIntyre9:31

I chose to act quite normal, like it was fine, so I just stood up and went, Hello, darling.

Michael McIntyre9:36

Time stopped, really.

Michael McIntyre9:38

And she she thought, you know, is this worth it? Am I going to love this lunatic? And she just said, j you know, are you going to come in? And that was it. Once a stalker gets access, they don't leave.

Michael McIntyre9:50

The door opened. I've been standing outside that door for two years. The door opened, and uh we're still together.

Presenter9:57

We should have a big love song now, but I'm afraid it isn't quite. Tell me what we're gonna hear next.

Michael McIntyre10:01

This is a song that I had never heard until I was about maybe 20. And it came on the radio, and I just had this instant affinity with it. And during a conversation with my mother, I said, What I really like this song from the 1970s. Why? And she said, That's hilarious, because that's the song I played almost every day, because she's much like me and incredibly obsessive, when she was pregnant with me. So I had heard this song through my entire development in the womb. And then 20 years later, I just had this extraordinary reaction to it. Super Tramp's the logical song.

Speaker 310:36

There are times when all the world is fear.

Speaker 310:42

Where's too fun for too deep?

Speaker 310:46

For such a sinful mind.

Speaker 310:52

Peace, please tell me what's wrong.

Speaker 310:58

I know it sounds like

Speaker 311:02

Please tell me who I am.

Presenter11:06

That was Super Tramp and the Logical song. You first made a connection with that Michael McIntyre, you think, when you were in Utro. That was thirty five years ago. Tell me about your mother. I see photographs of her in your autobiography. She looks very young and very glamorous.

Michael McIntyre11:13

And that's

Michael McIntyre11:18

My mum, um yes, she was very young, Clarice. Um did she doing a bit of modelling?

Michael McIntyre11:24

stage school it gets a confu she was basically a mum. Um so yeah, I had a very glamorous young mum. Because I do re yeah, I really remember everyone at school really fancying my mum. She was much more glamorous than the other mums.

Presenter11:37

And your dad was a quite a good bit older than her. He was how much older? There was a quite an age gap. She was nineteen and he was in his mid thirties.

Michael McIntyre11:42

Yeah, I think he was like thirty seven. Yeah. Um so yeah, there was a big age gap.

Presenter11:44

Right.

Presenter11:46

And your your father was one of the originators of the Kenny Everett show, which was, I mean, the biggest sh comedy show on television at the time.

Michael McIntyre11:53

Yes, my dad wrote the Kenny Everett Show with Barry Cryer and Kenny Everett. Did you go on set? Did you? Yeah, I remember going on set. You know, because I look at it with my own children. You see the world through their eyes, and you know, with my five-year-old, and he doesn't quite know what's going on with me. And he shouts my name out because he hears it at school. I mean, like in restaurants, he's that the other day. He literally just shouted out, Michael McIntyre, you're famous! In the middle of a restaurant, everybody in the restaurant just doesn't be quite, but you are, Daddy, you're famous. You're Michael McIntyre Rocho! That's what he kept doing. But anyway, very embarrassing. So, likewise, with my dad, I remember there was a lot of excitement. And then Kenny Everett would come and pick me up from school because he was really good friends with my mum and the excitement around that. I mean, literally, I mean, I couldn't, that is unforgettable because he was mobbed. I mean, just absolutely. Probably the most famous man in the country around then.

Presenter12:50

And what was Kenny Edward like? I mean, if you saw him in his in his private personal moments when he was visiting your mum and so on.

Michael McIntyre12:56

Well, I suppose I was a bit shy around him, but I remember him being really, really funny.

Michael McIntyre13:02

He was very, very sharp and just naturally hilarious.

Presenter13:05

Is it true that you do you live in the same street that you moved to with your family?

Michael McIntyre13:09

Yeah.

Michael McIntyre13:10

We lived in this flat. My dad started making money when he was doing the Kennedy Show, and we bought all the other flats in the building.

Michael McIntyre13:17

and turned it into a house, I suppose, like it was originally, and then sold it even more bizarrely to Ozzie Osborne.

Michael McIntyre13:24

And it was a beautiful big house in Amsterdam by the time we sold it. And um a house came up on the very same road that I lived when I was a kid and I always wanted to go back there. And uh I it's it's nice and it's poignant and I do have memories of of being there and I've knocked on the door of my old house and walked around it. I I you know, I know the people who live in it now and

Presenter13:44

Not Ozzy and Sharon then, no, no.

Michael McIntyre13:45

Um they've moved on.

Presenter13:46

Let's have some more music, Michael McIntyre. What's next?

Michael McIntyre13:49

Okay, well this is probably the best singer alive.

Michael McIntyre13:52

And I wasn't very familiar with her until I heard this song, and it's not one of her more well-known ones, but it had a huge impact on me at the time. And it was at that time when I was at university, and my friend was in love with this girlfriend in the next room. And I was alone in the living room, and I couldn't even bother to make it back to my bedroom. I used to sleep on the sofa, and there was footage of Aretha Franklin singing this song, and she had so much passion and angst, and it just reflected exactly what I was feeling at the time. And I've loved it ever since. It's Aretha Franklin's Don't Play That Song.

Speaker 314:31

Uh

Speaker 314:33

You know that you lie.

Speaker 314:38

Get no man to laugh.

Speaker 314:41

Get out!

Speaker 314:45

Hey, Miss! Don't play no more!

Speaker 314:51

The Penelope!

Speaker 314:53

Okay, so

Presenter14:55

That was Aretha Franklin and Don't Play That Song. Uh poignant. You were talking there about Hampstead and returning to the street where you originally lived with your family. Poignant because that was the family home you left when your mother and father divorced.

Michael McIntyre15:07

Doors

Michael McIntyre15:09

Yeah. I mean, it's not as romantic uh because the fact is it it wasn't that happy a home because it was a broken home. So

Michael McIntyre15:17

It didn't end great. Um.

Presenter15:19

What do you remember about the end of the how old were you when the match was

Michael McIntyre15:21

I think I was seven. I was seven when when we moved and and and sold the house.

Presenter15:26

You wrote in your autobiography about a moment uh I I I imagine I mean it seemed to me you wrote very honestly about it when you discovered a a love note. Was it in your mother's handbag or in your mother's purse that had been

Michael McIntyre15:37

It was in her very eighties Filefax.

Presenter15:40

Ah, right. And the note said

Michael McIntyre15:43

Um, yes, I it said I love you and it was not from my dad, it was from one of the builders who was uh renovating this house that w that that w we were creating from the flats. Um

Michael McIntyre15:56

That felt like a huge turning point. But when you look back on it, it wasn't. It was just how things went, and it was for the best. It was for the best. My parents didn't really like each other. And that fact is things things did work out. And, you know, that builder is my stepfather, and we've been married well over twenty years. I shouldn't know exactly how long they've been married, but they're still married and they're really happy.

Presenter16:20

And so these days wh when um parents get divorced, you know, the parents sit them down together and they explain what's going to happen, and it's not because uh we don't love you and you've got nothing to do with this and you must understand that we're still going to be your parents and were any I mean you know in nineteen eighties Britain, where any conversation

Speaker 316:32

Yeah.

Michael McIntyre16:35

In 80s, Britain, or any conversation. I think there's a lot of talks, and it's hard because I think about now that I'm a dad, and you can remember that, and you can remember what I remember my dad making that speech to me so many times, especially when we used to go my sister and I used to go and visit him because he ended up moving to America. And he was obviously so desperate for us to understand how he didn't want this and how much he loved us, and how circumstances created this situation. I remember being a kid and half-listening, I suppose. A byproduct of that is probably also my comedy. A lot of my comedy came from being an outsider. And some of the things that happened in my childhood made me more of an outsider. And I think I've needed to be that because I'm the guy who's standing, you know, the audience are facing me, and I'm the guy on his own. I'm an outsider in my gigs, and I'm happy there. And I've created my life there, and it's been created there for me. And it's probably made me funnier. I hope.

Presenter17:33

Yeah. Tell me what we're going to hear next.

Michael McIntyre17:35

We are going to hear um Abracadabra by the Steve Miller Band. This is my first favourite song. You only have fleeting memories from your childhood, and for some reason one of my memories is me vowing to one day cover this song. So that still hasn't happened, but should I ever get into the musical industry, this is the one I'll be singing.

Speaker 317:57

E the f

Speaker 317:59

I can't cool down You got me spinning round and round

Speaker 318:05

Round and round and round it goes.

Speaker 318:09

Where it stops, nobody knows.

Speaker 318:12

Every time you call my name

Speaker 318:16

I heat up like a burning flame.

Speaker 318:20

Burning flame, full of desire Kiss me baby, let the fire get higher

Presenter18:28

That was the Steve Miller band and Abra Cadabra. One of one of the side effects o of um your father moving to America and things were a bit more difficult for him, you know, money became tighter, you moved from a posh school to not a posh school. Yes. Do you think that's part of the outsider thing of slightly feeling very self complaining?

Michael McIntyre18:42

Yeah, that really absolutely. I never felt like I belonged to anything, to any group of friends. Everybody had groups of friends, and I.

Michael McIntyre18:52

I never really had that.

Presenter18:54

But you sat your A levels, did you not, in the same year that your father died? He died of a a massive heart attack.

Presenter19:01

How come you actually had to sit your exams in that same year? Did people not say you need to take some time to deal with this? I mean, how was it?

Michael McIntyre19:07

It was a very, obviously an awful time and a very strange time. He was only fifty-three when he died, should I? Yeah.

Presenter19:12

He was only fifty three when he died, Judas.

Michael McIntyre19:14

He was living in America, so you know, we spoke to each other on Sundays. But I was a teenager now, and I was, you know, starting my life and

Presenter19:23

Yeah.

Michael McIntyre19:24

You know

Michael McIntyre19:26

It's it's awkward to say, but obviously I I didn't always want to talk to him on a Sunday. I didn't want to talk to my dad in America. And so when he died, nothing changed except for this sort of news. My daily life, because I was living with my mum, I was living in this country. I still had my exams to do. Nothing changed in my life apart from this knowledge that my dad had died.

Michael McIntyre19:45

So I was I had this I had pain, but I was still filled with

Michael McIntyre19:50

with excitement about my life and and confusion over my life as every teenager has.

Presenter19:55

And how had he been the last time that you had seen him? I mean, how how long had it been between you seeing him and then learning that he'd died? Had you seen him recently?

Michael McIntyre20:02

Yeah, he you know, I I really love my love my dad and and

Michael McIntyre20:07

When I used to visit him and when he would come and visit us, I got more more happy and excited than anything else made me. And he was very preoccupied when I saw him. So it was only a few weeks, and and he said, I'll see you and he was gonna come back. He said, I'll see you in a after Christmas. And then and then he died. I think it was on Boxing Day. It's it's hard and it's difficult, but for me, it came at a time in my life where

Michael McIntyre20:31

You know, I'm gonna live forever at eighteen, and that's how I felt.

Presenter20:35

Um how has it influenced the way you parent your little boys, I'm wondering. You know, there's a hole in the middle of your life where the person who was your father was, and it you know, it's been there since you were seventeen. Does it change the way you you parent?

Michael McIntyre20:42

Yeah.

Michael McIntyre20:46

Um

Michael McIntyre20:47

I think it does. Parenting is actually dealing with things on a day-to-day basis. You can have moments of clarity where you think, you know, I know I should be doing this and I plan on this. But actually, parenting is about trying to make sure that your child eats food that you make and doesn't eat glass off the floor. I mean, it's just things like that. I can have a few drinks and go, this is my plan. When it comes down to it, it's just like, don't interrupt me, I'm on the phone. That's more parenting. I'm on the phone. Don't you understand what a phone is? That's more parenting.

Presenter21:19

Let's have some music, Michael McIntyre, what's next?

Michael McIntyre21:21

Well, I talked earlier about fantasy and that being a big part of my life, dreaming about how I want my life to go. And my fantasizing sort of became started to become a reality when I wrote a a film script at university and it was funny. So I started to find my sort of comedy through writing. And that during that whole time I played Natkin Cole. And this was my favorite and reminds me very much of that time when I stopped going to my lectures at university and spent their night writing.

Speaker 421:51

Smile.

Speaker 421:54

Though your heart is aching

Speaker 421:59

Smile even though it's breaking

Speaker 422:04

When there are clouds

Speaker 422:08

In the sky you'll get by

Speaker 422:14

If you smile through your fear and sorrow.

Presenter22:22

That was Nat King Cole and Smile. Uh tell me, Michael McIntyre, about your grandmother.

Presenter22:26

And

Presenter22:28

Really? Go on. Tell me about grandma. Grandma.

Michael McIntyre22:32

She was a quiet character, my grandma. A big part of my life, I suppose, growing up. She was so funny, grand my grandma. She lit up a room. She looked and sounded like Jean Jacques Gabord. She had quite a lot of money. She wielded it um for all the power that money can have.

Presenter22:47

Yes, you you say in your uh autobiography uh she wielded her purse like a lightsabre and changed her will on a weekly basis.

Michael McIntyre22:56

She did, yeah. Uh

Presenter22:57

Is that for comedy effects?

Michael McIntyre22:57

No. She was constantly my ville, my bloody vill, I'll cut you out So that I should say that she was Hungarian if you don't know that. Um but yes, she was always threatening to cut everybody out and tinkering. She would tinker with her will, like Raffa Benitez with his Liverpool formation.

Presenter23:14

And she was not always kind to your mother, wasn't didn't get on very well with your sister, but did get on very well with you.

Michael McIntyre23:21

Yeah, I was her favourite. I can confidently say that, in the sense that she would say, You're my favourite quite a lot.

Presenter23:25

Go my f

Michael McIntyre23:28

So I was quite confident that I had that status. Susie got

Michael McIntyre23:34

Oh yes, she was hilarious. With regards to writing my book, it was great to have her there as a character. But with regards to growing up, it was quite confusing for everybody. Especially because she did have money. You know, she would have um a lot of fifty pound notes hidden around her house. I found one once in the remote control where the batteries are. She had stuffed a few in there'cause it it wasn't working because she'd used the battery compartment for more fifties.

Presenter23:58

And how come with the rich granny when you were the favourite, did you end up in debt? Did granny not just bail you out of debt?

Michael McIntyre24:03

Oh, well, unfortunately, my grandma didn't really like it when I got a girlfriend.

Michael McIntyre24:09

All I can say is that when Kitty finally made it to her house, I went to the loo. I don't know if this is suitable for Radio 4, to be honest. I went to the Loo. She basically said to her, I'll change the words for Radio 4. He does the smelliest poo. He comes here. He pooze. I have to fume again. I don't know what's wrong with him. I think he should have medical attention. Darling, would you like me to order you a taxi and you can go back to wherever you came from? She was literally trying to break us up to that extent, which was funny for a while, but then it became quite vicious and it was just an untenable situation. And the last time I saw her was horrific. Oh my god, it was awful. I went round there and we had a big row and I left and.

Michael McIntyre24:54

She slammed the door and then started throwing all these all this money, fifty pound notes, through the letter box, screaming at me, This is all you bloody want!

Speaker 425:01

This is

Michael McIntyre25:03

Take it.

Michael McIntyre25:04

That was it.

Michael McIntyre25:05

That's the last time I saw her. And she died a few years later and she had no interest in me and I wrote her several letters. You know, I used to drive around her area where she lived and burst into tears. I missed her terribly and she did not let me back in.

Presenter25:20

Did you go to her funeral?

Michael McIntyre25:22

Um no. She didn't have a funeral. She was cremated and my mother took her ashes down to the south of France, I think, where my mum lives. No. I didn't like it. I mean, it was her dying was it's it was final and

Presenter25:34

Yeah.

Michael McIntyre25:38

It was horrible. Her pride was so great. She wanted to hurt me so much that she didn't want to get back in touch at any moment.

Presenter25:46

Um, we're gonna have some music, Michael McIntyre. Tell me what's next.

Michael McIntyre25:49

Oh well this is um

Michael McIntyre25:51

The most poignant Edinburgh Edinburgh Festival has been a massive part of my life and.

Michael McIntyre25:57

I went when my son was born, and I decided to go up on my own without my wife, without my son, and I was.

Michael McIntyre26:05

It's so insanely focused that people were really worried about me because I was so panicked about having a child and being so much in debt. And it's called Miss You and it just refocused my mind on I miss my family and I'm here for a reason and it got my head right for me to to take my chance.

Speaker 326:24

I've been holding it so long, I've been sleeping all along, Lord, I miss you.

Speaker 326:32

I've been hackin' on the phone. I've been s

Speaker 326:36

Now alone, I won't be

Presenter26:50

That was Rolling Stones and Miss You. So as well as these um fastest selling D V D in British history or something you've had and you've sold out at the O two for in front of sixteen thousand people for four nights?

Michael McIntyre27:02

The O2 four times.

Presenter27:03

So, why then did you decide to be a judge on Britain Scott Talent? Because that seems to me certainly an unlikely decision, given how popular you were. You didn't need to do it. Why did you do it?

Michael McIntyre27:04

Yeah.

Michael McIntyre27:13

I really like those shows. There's only a few.

Michael McIntyre27:17

sort of juggernaut T V shows in this country. The peak of Britain Scott Talent when Susan Boyle was on it was nineteen million. The whole country stops to watch this show. And I was asked if I wanted to be part of that. I just thought, that's going to be so much fun. What else am I doing in January?

Presenter27:33

Uh success, especially the sort of success that you've had, Michael McIntyre, uh generates a lot of attention. It also generates a lot of envy. Um I remember somebody once telling me, who's in your business, that you know Michael McIntyre. Yes, you think he's funny. You know he has seven writers.

Presenter27:46

Have you got seven writers?

Michael McIntyre27:48

And I don't have any writers. I couldn't have a writer. I couldn't. I've tried. Um I never get a laugh at somebody else's joke. Even when I hear a joke from somebody and tell my wife and go, Oh, this is so funny and it's always really embarrassingly. I can't do it ju do it justice.

Presenter28:01

What what about the the envy that is heaped upon you? The and envy I say envy and sometimes derision. You know, there are people who are very rude about your comedy. I um Stuart Lee, who's a stand up comedian, said that he he felt that you were spoon feeding your audience warm di I think it was warm diarrhea.

Michael McIntyre28:08

Um

Michael McIntyre28:17

Right.

Michael McIntyre28:20

I think it comes with the territory. I'm sure it does, actually. And of course, I can't say it's water for ducks back, and I'm so thick-skinned that I can just say that. I can say it now, because I'm getting used to it, but it did come as a shock at the beginning. I can't deny that. It was confusing, because when I you talk, you know, we talked about having a big break and everything going so well, but that came with, certainly at the beginning, amazing amount of hostility.

Michael McIntyre28:47

Because I would never be rude about somebody else in my profession, because we're all doing the same thing. We're just trying to make people laugh, and I have my audience, other people have their audience. Um I'd I'd go to a d w you know, the British Comedy Awards and quite a few people were making jokes at my expense and

Michael McIntyre29:06

It just made me feel awful because my I'm there with my wife and she's gone out and bought a dress and it's my big night.

Michael McIntyre29:12

And I won.

Michael McIntyre29:13

And the overriding experience was that of nastiness.

Michael McIntyre29:19

For what reason I don't know.

Michael McIntyre29:21

And what I was doing is just making people laugh.

Presenter29:23

Let's have some music, what's next?

Michael McIntyre29:26

This is a song that was played endlessly on my honeymoon, and we just loved this song and all the love in it. And we loved the words, and obviously changed the words slightly to each other, but sung it a lot to each other. And it was such an intense time that just listening to it sends me back there. It's O Yoko by John Lennon.

Speaker 329:46

In the middle of the night.

Speaker 329:51

In the middle of the night I called your name

Presenter30:13

That was John Lennon and O Yoko played Michael McIntyre for you and Kitty. You played that a lot on your

Michael McIntyre30:18

I'd like to kill I'm not married to Yoko Ono.

Presenter30:21

Right.

Presenter30:22

But you are married to the the lovely Kitty, and and how does she find life married to, I think I mean, I was gonna say that, yeah.

Michael McIntyre30:24

As

Michael McIntyre30:27

Has been saved.

Michael McIntyre30:29

How d what how did you find life back to me? Yeah, how is it, Fortnite? How do you think? I think it's really difficult. I think it is. She just keeps me um a afloat and a worry a lot about things. What do you worry about?

Presenter30:30

Yeah, how is it for you?

Michael McIntyre30:42

I worry about the next thing, and I worry about things changing, and I worry about things ending. I have like catastrophic.

Michael McIntyre30:50

I just you know, everything going wrong. And I do it too much, and I need her to set me right, and she does it has to do it so often that I think it it can be really hard for her to just recalibrate my mind to be happy and enjoy my life and stop worrying about everything. And I worry about my children like you wouldn't believe. I mean, like you would not believe. I worry about something happening to them. Just every single scenario.

Michael McIntyre31:14

that happens in life carries on happening in my mind and then something horrendous happens at the end of it and it just can get too much. And I'm just I'm so grateful to her and I and her putting up with me because, you know, I am I think I need uh as much looking after as uh as our children and they're pretty wild.

Presenter31:35

And given that your father was a writer of comedy and he was himself very early on, he he did some stand-up. You you even have some of his early stand-up scripts.

Michael McIntyre31:43

That's right, yes.

Presenter31:44

Do you think about I mean do you think about him and wonder what he might have made of this astonishing success?

Michael McIntyre31:49

Well I genuinely think that my comedy and the person I am

Michael McIntyre31:53

is because of who I am and how it's come about, and that does include unfortunately my dad not being around. It did it did push me further, like I said, into a

Michael McIntyre32:04

Quite an insular place, just completely in my own world and in my own mind.

Michael McIntyre32:10

I've just wondered sometimes whether if he was around and he was also in the business it mu whether it might have gone the gone the same way.

Michael McIntyre32:18

One of the nice things about having success is that I've managed to meet

Michael McIntyre32:23

His friends, and it's great to hear from them and to hear them saying that he would have been proud of me.

Presenter32:30

Let's have some music then to finish on, Michael McIntyre. Tell me about your eighth disc.

Michael McIntyre32:34

Finish on um

Michael McIntyre32:38

This is the song that was my first dance at my wedding. I would also like to say it was my only dance. I'm not a dancer. So we had our first dance. It's um, I think, very romantic. Kind of an awkward affair because we have no real I have no experience of dance. I don't have any moves. It was sort of like a hug. I'd call it more of a hug. A hug to music. We don't really dance. Maybe we should dance more. But anyway, this is the one we dance to. It's a wonderful song, and it's Elephants Gerald's Bewitched Bothered and Bewildered.

Speaker 333:07

Couldn't sleep and wouldn't sleep Then love came and told me I shouldn't sleep be witched

Speaker 333:26

Bothered and bewildered am I

Presenter33:35

That was Ella Fitzgerald and bewitched, bothered, and bewildered. So, Michael, we come to the point where I'm going to give you the books now. You get the Bible.

Michael McIntyre33:42

Oh, great. You get that's a lot of reading.

Presenter33:42

You get That's a lot of reading. It is. You get the Bible and the complete works of Shakespeare. You get to take your own book. What book would you like to take?

Michael McIntyre33:49

Oh, I I'm gonna go for um complete prose of Woody Allen. I became very obsessed with Woody Allen when I was a teenager and I I read this an awful lot. I love it and it makes me laugh. So I'm gonna take that book.

Presenter33:57

Practice.

Presenter34:00

That's yours, and you're allowed a luxury to to make life a little more bearable on the island.

Michael McIntyre34:04

This I found that I really have struggled to think of a luxury item. I was going to do something as boring as a pen, actually. I don't want paper. I've bought pads in the past to try and write jokes, but they're empty. I've just got endless empty pads. All my jokes end up on sort of little bits of newspaper or on my arm or, you know, on receipts. Loads of jokes on receipts. So I thought if I just take a pen, I'll just have like loads of leaves with jokes, maybe an entire tree if I was particularly creative that day. Obviously, my body will be covered. So I'll just take a pen, a lot of pens and no paper. I'll find places to write that just keep me occupied.

Presenter34:38

Right, you may have a pen then, Michael. And if you had to choose just one of the eight discs, which one disc would you choose?

Presenter34:46

Uh

Michael McIntyre34:46

Uh

Presenter34:46

I have to say listening

Michael McIntyre34:47

To them as we have done here. That was a better version of Bewitched Brother Builder than I've ever heard. That was live. I loved it. So I'm going to take that one. I'll take Ella Fitzgerald.

Presenter34:55

It's yours. Michael McIntyre, thank you very much for letting us hear your desert island issues.

Michael McIntyre34:59

Thank you so much, Castill.

Presenter35:37

You've been listening to a download from the BBC. You'll find more information on the Radio Four website: bbc. co. uk slash radio four.