Bill Bailey

Presenter0:00

Hello, I'm Kirsty Young, and this is a podcast from the Desert Island Discs archive. For rights reasons, we've had to shorten the music.

Presenter0:08

The programme was originally broadcast in two thousand eight.

Presenter0:27

My castaway this week is the comedian and actor Bill Bailey. Lauded for his hugely inventive stand up, he's carved out a highly successful on stage career with an altogether atypical approach. He's also a familiar face on television, from his regular appearances on quiz shows like Have I Got News for You, Q I and Never Mind the Buzzcocks. His act, described by one critic as a masterpiece of high concept silliness, is short on ego and long on whimsy, an exploration of his unending curiosity with the world and all its contrasts and contradictions something of a specialist subject for the man himself. At school he was a gifted pupil who gave up on his education, and a pitch perfect piano student who flunked his music school entrance.

Presenter1:10

Comics, he says, are all a bit neurotic, brilliant, strange a bunch of egotistical lunatics. Um so Bill Billy I'm wondering from that quote which uh which particular boxes you tick are not egotistical. I don't see having watched you on stage

Speaker 21:20

Uh

Bill Bailey1:20

Yeah, that's

Bill Bailey1:24

I don't know having watched you on Steve. Perhaps I am and I'm unaware of it.

Presenter1:28

Brilliant, strange, neurotic, any of those?

Bill Bailey1:30

Certainly neurotic in the way that you can get quite obsessed by it. And it's you you get so obsessed by it that

Bill Bailey1:38

It sounds mad to to a normal person. You what do you mean you you you can't sleep because you can't think of this way this punch line's gonna work, or you can't think how this got bit of routine's gonna work, or you're up till three o'clock in the morning trying to make this routine fit with another bit of routine and

Presenter1:50

The n

Bill Bailey1:52

It sounds inconsequential and mad and a bit neurotic, but actually that's what we do.

Presenter1:57

Do you rely entirely on yourself? Are you when you're at home, it d are you saying to your wife, Cook, Come on, come on, come into the kitchen and hear this, this is good.

Bill Bailey2:03

Yes, this is good. Oh yes, yes, definitely. I mean I she's a great sounding board for all this stuff. I get a very very concise and uh often quite harsh critique, but which is good.

Presenter2:09

Very concise and

Presenter2:13

Which is good. Very quickly when you come on stage, I've noticed one of the things you talk about is your appearance. Yes. And and critics always mention your appearance. One critic noted you have the innately funny face of a baffled spaniel.

Bill Bailey2:16

Decorate.

Bill Bailey2:18

Yes.

Speaker 32:21

Yeah.

Bill Bailey2:21

Do you

Presenter2:26

Does that just about cover it?

Bill Bailey2:28

I've never I've not come across that one before.

Presenter2:30

You look very

Bill Bailey2:31

Distinctive. Spaniels are never baffled.

Presenter2:34

Well, I've got a spaniel and it's often baffled. You know, it's that cut well, it's your hair, isn't it? Your hair goes onto your shoulders.

Bill Bailey2:39

I suppose, yeah, that's it. The long hair. I've it yeah, um

Presenter2:42

Those round very round eyes.

Bill Bailey2:43

round eyes, which is the always the best shape by far.

Presenter2:48

But you do play up to it. You play up to this idea that you look

Bill Bailey2:49

I don't know this idea that you look quirky. I've never re made any effort to to look like this.

Presenter2:55

What on both?

Presenter3:00

Tell me about your first piece of music.

Bill Bailey3:02

This is a piece of music called Mervis Solstew by King Curtis, who was a fantastic saxophone player, part of a concert which he gave at Fillmore West, this legendary San Francisco venue.

Bill Bailey3:14

I just love it because.

Bill Bailey3:16

It's just a joyful celebration of musicianship. And it just makes me smile every time I hear it. You know, I just need to put it on and I just get a kind of surge of adrenaline.

Presenter3:57

King Curtis and Memphis Soul Stew, and you were sort of playing along there. I was thinking, how many of the instruments on that could you play if you wanted to play?

Bill Bailey4:05

I could play the drums.

Presenter4:06

Yeah.

Bill Bailey4:06

Yeah. I can play the electric piano, I can play the organ, I can play the congas and the bongos. I'm quite good on percussion.

Presenter4:13

Impressive.

Bill Bailey4:14

I can't play the saxophone now. Play the clarinet. I've got Grade Six clarinet.

Presenter4:17

And it all started when you were very young. I mean, music was there at the beginning for you. You grew up between Bristol and Bath, a little place called Canesham.

Bill Bailey4:21

Yeah.

Bill Bailey4:23

Yeah.

Bill Bailey4:24

Cancham.

Presenter4:25

Your dad was a GP. Yes. Your mum was was she a a nurse or a ward sister?

Bill Bailey4:29

Ward sister? That's right, yes. Well, Wardsister, yeah.

Presenter4:31

And your dad had his GP surgery in the house. As a little boy, did you sneak in and see the surgery and look at the the bits and pieces that were associated with being a G P?

Bill Bailey4:38

He's a

Bill Bailey4:40

The front of the house had two rooms, and the front room was the waiting room, so that was the reception area. Then there was my dad's surgery. I was occasionally allowed in there to sort of have a peek at it.

Presenter4:50

What did you make of it, as a little boy?

Bill Bailey4:52

I see you grow up with it, and you think that's normal, you think this is what everyone has in their houses.

Presenter4:56

Did you think I want to do that when I'm big?

Bill Bailey4:58

At one stage, yes, there was obviously a great deference to my dad. A lot of the area is countryside, a lot of farmers and so we get these fantastic things given to presents at Christmas. Like what sort of thing? I'd go to the door and then there'd be a bloat standing there with a brace of pheasants. There you go, for the doctor

Presenter5:08

Like what sort of thing?

Bill Bailey5:13

Excuse me.

Presenter5:14

And it wasn't you were an only child.

Bill Bailey5:15

Yeah.

Presenter5:15

But you did your grandparents live in the same house, or they lived as part of the

Bill Bailey5:18

No, they they lived in the h same house. Right. My grandfather, my mother's father, was um the builder, a stonemason. Right. And he built the end of the house. So they lived in this little annex on the side of the house.

Presenter5:20

Right.

Presenter5:25

But

Presenter5:30

I'm thinking of you getting quite a lot of attention, given that you were the only child and you had the grandparents and the mum and dad.

Bill Bailey5:33

And you have to

Bill Bailey5:35

That's right. Yes, I did. I mean, my grandparents would wait for me to come home from school for the full report of what had happened at the the school. Now, any tests do you have any tests, any any essays, marks, what did you get? And so it was kind of a routine, a ritual.

Presenter5:52

Something you looked forward to or something you dreaded?

Bill Bailey5:54

I just accepted it as part of the fact that they lived with us and I really enjoyed it'cause my my granddad he was quite funny and he had quite uh forthright opinions. Right. And he was quite a socialist. He would have great debates with him about this, this and that and and my grandmother was so sweet, so proud. I I suppose I thrived I had I enjoyed the attention.

Presenter6:02

Right.

Presenter6:12

And the music began when you were young. What were you what were you playing as a little boy then? Piano?

Bill Bailey6:16

Piano, yeah, yes, we had a piano in the house. I used to play every day. And did you put on shows? Well, I certainly would play when people came round. I remember once an aunt died, a very el elderly aunt, and everyone came to the house afterwards for a cup of tea and a sandwich, and I did a routine of Les Dawson's because he was on the T V and he did this thing where he'd play the opening for the eighteen twelve overture. And then he'd get it wrong. You know, he'd say, play the first few chords and then he'd go, Oh, I can't think of it anymore. That's all I know.

Bill Bailey6:46

And I think he said something, he swore or something, and he said, That's all I can do then, I'm not good.

Bill Bailey6:51

And I said this when I was a kid and I remember my dad, he'd had half a cup of tea and he was drinking the cup of tea, looking very serious at somebody talking about it, and he spat all the tea out.

Bill Bailey7:04

I said, That's all I can do with them.

Bill Bailey7:08

and sprayed this tea all over this board.

Bill Bailey7:10

And then my mum went, Oh, like that and she swore. She dropped a cup, like smashed, and someone else knocked knocked some cheese and pineapple over and there was just chaos.

Presenter7:20

Power of Coma

Bill Bailey7:21

Chaos.

Presenter7:22

Tell me about your next piece of music.

Bill Bailey7:24

Teenage Kicks by The Undertones. I loved going to see Punk when I was a teenager. And this was a classic punk track. I've very vivid memories of going to see them at the Colston Hall in Bristol and thinking this was the greatest, the greatest gig I'd ever seen. And what was made it more exciting was the St John ambulanceman told us to sit down because we were pogoing.

Speaker 37:49

Activate dreams so hard to beat Every time she walks down the street

Speaker 37:56

Another girl in my neighborhood Wish she was mad, she looks so good I wanna hold her, wanna hold her tight Empty days, she kicks right through the night I'm gonna call her on the dy

Presenter8:13

Teenage Kicks by The Undertones. I'm calling you Bill Bailey, but you weren't called Bill Bailey. You were called Mark.

Bill Bailey8:17

But when

Bill Bailey8:18

Yeah.

Bill Bailey8:19

Mark, that's right.

Presenter8:20

How did you become Bill Bailey?

Bill Bailey8:22

I ended up uh as Bill because I had a geography teacher at school who decided this was my nickname. It was because of this song, you know, the classic Oh, Won't You Come Home, Bill Bailey.

Presenter8:33

The wailing

Bill Bailey8:34

I just got stuck with his name, Bill Bailey.

Presenter8:36

Let's concentrate on school for a moment, a huge success at school.

Bill Bailey8:37

Yeah.

Presenter8:40

What were you particularly good at?

Bill Bailey8:42

Quite a few subjects I would always do well in English and languages, anything really, geography, biology, all of them.

Presenter8:49

I'm gonna have to winkle it out of you, aren't I? I mean it is sort of embarrassing to talk about your business, but for example, I mean when School Prize Giving Day came round, how many times was uh Mark or Michael Bailey getting up on the stage?

Bill Bailey8:52

It is advanced.

Bill Bailey8:58

Or Marketing along the stage. I c I won all the prizes. I mean, I didn't win all the prizes, but every year I'd win a a a substantial number of them. And that was say there were twelve subjects, I'd win nine of them.

Presenter9:05

Pina.

Bill Bailey9:09

And that went on for three years, for the first three years of of senior school. I was an academic, really, I'd be very attentive, I did all my homework and

Presenter9:16

Did you find it all easy or were you really studying?

Bill Bailey9:18

I found it very easy. It sounds arrogant to say so, but it was just that was the truth of it. I did find it easy.

Presenter9:26

And your parents must have presumably loved that. I mean, most parents would.

Bill Bailey9:29

Yes. Well, my grandparents, of course. Yes. They were What first again?

Presenter9:35

I suppose it could have gone either way. It could have made you very popular within the school, or it could have made the pupils a bit resentful of the fact that you seemed to breeze through and win all the prizes.

Bill Bailey9:42

I think where it it caused a rift between me and the teachers was the fact that they could see that I was academically very gifted or I was I had a propensity for these kind of subjects. And so they could see a kind of arc of success leading off from this. And so when I started to just fall behind and not actually do so well and get distracted by playing in bands and going off and doing other things, they got very frustrated and they didn't quite know how what to do about it. It threw them off a bit and they were

Presenter10:14

When did that begin?

Bill Bailey10:15

That probably started around about the fourth or fifth year at school.

Presenter10:17

Scope. See you at a fifteen?

Bill Bailey10:19

Fifteen there. I was distracted by other things, bands, playing in bands.

Presenter10:23

And so your parents did what? Did they do anything?

Bill Bailey10:26

They do anything. They were quite frustrated by it, and they didn't quite know what to do either. But they were very understanding and they were very supportive. And.

Bill Bailey10:35

Perhaps thought that it would be better off to let me do what I wanted to do. You know, I think they were f quite liberal in that regard, you know, they weren't disciplinarian at all.

Bill Bailey10:43

and it caused quite a lot of tension in the house.

Presenter10:45

But you say you were in a band. Was it your band, or did you join somebody's band?

Bill Bailey10:48

I had a band called Behind Closed Doors in school. That was where we did most of our gigs. And.

Presenter10:51

Okay.

Presenter10:55

What sort of stuff were you playing?

Bill Bailey10:56

All kinds of things. The whole melange of what we were listening to at the time was.

Presenter11:01

Were you doing covers or were you writing your own stuff?

Bill Bailey11:02

That was all all original stuff.

Bill Bailey11:04

Apart from um the ba we did a couple of Bowie covers and a Kinks cover.

Presenter11:09

And what was it about that sort of music, rather than sitting down and doing your piano study, what was it about it that so used to you?

Bill Bailey11:14

Just the thrill of performance, I think, that's what it was. And I think once I had that, that was it really. The school was it had lost its appeal.

Presenter11:25

What did you want to do by that stage?

Bill Bailey11:28

I had no idea. At that time, when I was fifteen, I wanted to be the keyboard player at Talking Heads.

Presenter11:33

Did you have a plan to get it?

Bill Bailey11:34

At the front, how'd it all worked out?

Bill Bailey11:37

that David Byrne and his representatives would turn up at the House one day and say, Yes, we've been uh listening to your boys playing, it's great. We'd enjoy the technical proficiency and also the improvisational style and uh we'd like them to go on tour with us and uh

Bill Bailey11:50

And that'll be it. I'd say, All right, okay, thanks very much. And he'd be in the car in the in the drive. In his big suit. In a big suit. A massive, probably a very wide car.

Presenter11:55

Massive.

Presenter11:57

Could still have to be.

Presenter11:58

What?

Bill Bailey11:59

I can always dream.

Presenter12:00

Tell me about your next piece of music then.

Bill Bailey12:01

This is uh of course the band that I should have joined really when I was fifteen, Talking Heads. It's a track called Once in a Life Time. I often listen to the keyboard part and think perhaps I could have done that.

Speaker 312:13

And you may ask yourself, well

Speaker 312:16

How did I get here?

Speaker 312:34

And you may ask yourself

Speaker 312:36

Time to our workforce.

Speaker 312:38

And we may ask ourselves

Presenter12:42

Talking Heads and Once in a Lifetime Not With You Playing on Keyboards, Bill Bailey. Probably the worse for that.

Speaker 312:46

Thank you.

Speaker 212:46

Uh

Presenter12:48

Keyboards then. Music at school. You you were excelling in piano at school. I mean, you were the only child at school taking A-level music.

Bill Bailey12:55

That's right, yes.

Presenter12:55

Did you like that uh that you were different from the crowd, that here was something you were saying?

Bill Bailey12:59

Yes, not very much, yes. I was very lucky inasmuch as I had a terrific teacher, Linda Phipps, who was my piano teacher and my tutor for my A level music. So it was just one on one teaching, which was fantastic. And I totally thrived off that and uh went through all the grades and then I went to the next stage of performance examination which is um associateship with the London College of Music, which involved preparing and performing a recital to a board of examiners. It was incredibly daunting.

Presenter13:31

Given that you liked you were the sort of young man, young boy at that stage who liked to step up to the mark, did you quite enjoy the idea of examiners sitting there watching you, scrutinizing you?

Bill Bailey13:37

Do I

Bill Bailey13:39

Scrutinizing you? I did actually, yes. I I think I probably enjoyed the fact that it was more of a performance than it was just an exam.

Presenter13:46

But you don't Uh

Bill Bailey13:46

And

Presenter13:47

To any of the music scores.

Bill Bailey13:47

I took the A level music and I got an A E for that so I was I had the right qualification. Something about the the courses was just so academic that I di it didn't appeal to me.

Presenter13:58

You ended up studying what was the English and drama.

Bill Bailey14:01

Uh yes, I got into London University.

Presenter14:03

But then you dropped out a year into the course, less than a year?

Bill Bailey14:05

Less than a year?

Presenter14:09

Well I mean what do you you suck

Bill Bailey14:10

Thirty six hours into it I thought, can't be bothered with this

Presenter14:14

So there you were, this person it's curious, isn't it, Bill? Because there's this person with all of this ability, talent, a very curious mind, very capable, and yet you seem to be somebody who's be who's drifting in the wind. Were you depressed by that?

Bill Bailey14:16

Yes.

Bill Bailey14:25

And we

Bill Bailey14:26

I I was kind of restless.

Bill Bailey14:29

for the next thing, the next thing. You know, I was at college, I went to a lecture, I thought, oh, for goodness sake, I've we've done all this in two years ago and that I just didn't have the patience to go to the next lecture.

Presenter14:41

And when did the comedy start?

Bill Bailey14:42

Well, in the first week of college they had a thing called a balloon debate. I took on the role of WH Orden because I loved the poetry, and I took on his persona and I won this debate. I was getting laughs off strangers. That again intoxicating.

Presenter14:55

And I imagine terrifically difficult thinking on your feet, trying to make people engage with you.

Bill Bailey14:59

Yeah, just sort of i improvise imagination on the spot, in the crucible of that pressure of the moment, coming up with ideas.

Presenter15:01

Using your imagination.

Presenter15:08

So comedy attracted you because it was difficult. It was the thing that you had to try hard to do.

Presenter15:14

And because of the sound of laughter also, which is intoxicating. And so you decided this is going to be the life for me. This is it. Let's take a break. Much more to come. Tell me about your next piece of music.

Bill Bailey15:19

This is it.

Bill Bailey15:23

I chose this piece because this was uh my first proper recital that I gave to the public. Mozart's Coronation Concerto, the first movement, it's very technically um demanding, lots of long, sparkling runs and it's just uh a milestone for me of performance. So it it always has a quite a special place.

Presenter15:37

Demand is

Presenter16:46

Part of the opening movement of Mozart's Coronation Concerto, played by Murray Pariah. So comedy, then, had seduced you. When did you begin how did you begin to make a living out of comedy?

Bill Bailey16:57

The first time I did a a gig that was part of a show that we'd double tickets to was in Edinburgh, the Edinburgh Festival, eighty four, eighty five, and around about then. I was in a duo called The Rubber Bishops. It was me and a a guy from school, Toby Longworth. We'd been doing this double act around Bath and Bristol since we left school. And uh one of those things where a a show pulled out and the the venue became available. One of those sort of happenstances.

Presenter17:25

And you became very successful, did you? You did lots of student gigs. I mean, you were booked back to back each night. Oh, yes.

Bill Bailey17:27

Yeah.

Bill Bailey17:29

Yeah, well yes. Then um Toby subsequently went on to to do other things. And then the the fellow was at college with Martin and he took over. And we just toured constantly. We would gig constantly. We did three hundred odd gigs a year for years and years.

Presenter17:42

is

Presenter17:43

And wasn't that satisfying? Did you enjoy it?

Bill Bailey17:45

It was great fun and it was a great way of learning the trade. But at the time it was just a bit of a laugh.

Presenter17:52

This was also at a time when there was an explosion in the comedy circuit of using politics as well, and you were beginning to develop your political sense. You you became a member of the Workers' Revolutionary Party.

Bill Bailey18:01

Well, I was I was never actually a member. I was involved with them for a few years and

Presenter18:05

So what did that, being involved, what did that mean?

Bill Bailey18:08

I was in this play that Corinne Redgrave wrote, called The Printers, about the history of the print unions, and it was to to raise money for the printers who'd been sacked after the whopping dispute, 1986. And it was fascinating. It was kind of

Bill Bailey18:22

What I expected London to be like, in a way.

Presenter18:24

But did the politics engage you?

Bill Bailey18:25

Did the

Bill Bailey18:26

Were you radicalised by those people? I was educated by it, certainly.

Presenter18:30

And you do quite interestingly employ politics in your stand up, although you're not known for being either a sort of a radical or a political comedian. It's it is there, you know, the images of George Bush, the songs about the lack of political awareness of mid America, all those kind of things.

Bill Bailey18:35

Mm.

Bill Bailey18:37

Cool.

Bill Bailey18:44

Those kind of things. Yes. It is there. It is. It's it's it always has been, really. It's always been a strand of it because I was drawn to it because I think naturally I was drawn to the morality of it, of fairness, of righting injustice. And if that is if that's kind of a socialist ideal, then I suppose then that's what it was.

Presenter19:02

I mean, they're there to laugh, aren't they? The people who pay you to come to the market. How do you judge that they're interested? Exactly right.

Bill Bailey19:05

Yeah, of course.

Bill Bailey19:07

Exactly right. And that's why I've never been overtly political because I d I just think if I go onto the show, I don't want to be preached out, but I want to be entertained. And that's always been the purpose of the show, to make people laugh.

Presenter19:09

Right.

Presenter19:16

There is this inc incredible eclecticism in your comedy, whether it's talking about, you know, Rigveda, the oldest sort of Hindu text and man or whatever y you draw in all of the things that seem to stimulate you intellectually and and you expect your audience to do you expect them to keep up or do you want to educate them while they're there?

Bill Bailey19:23

Yeah.

Bill Bailey19:29

Yeah.

Bill Bailey19:34

I like to go along to a show and hear something I've never heard before and then

Bill Bailey19:38

It'd ring a bell in my head and think, Well, what was what was that? That's interesting, and go and find out for myself. That's what I'd I'd try and do in my shows.

Presenter19:46

Tell me about your next piece of music then.

Bill Bailey19:47

This is David Bowie, Rebel Rebel. I went to see David Bowie at the Milton King's Bowl in 1983. I was 18. This was the first big gig I've been to. It was fantastic. Hot, terrific atmosphere. And when he came out, when he appeared on the stage in this white suit and just walked from the back of the stage, it was like some kind of s religious experience. People just...

Bill Bailey20:11

Overwhelmed by it. It was a kind of rite of passage, I suppose.

Speaker 220:17

Yeah.

Speaker 220:20

Not sure if you're a boy or a girl.

Speaker 220:23

Baby, your health's alright.

Speaker 220:27

Hey, baby, let's go out tonight.

Speaker 220:31

Lucky and I like it all

Speaker 220:35

We like cats and now we're looking

Speaker 220:38

You know fans when they play it for hard

Presenter20:44

David Bowie and Rebel Rebel and memories there, Bill Bailey, of going to that first gig and uh communing with all those people in front of this great god of music.

Speaker 220:50

And yes,

Presenter20:52

What about your own live performance then? How do you manage to work up the confidence to think I can walk out there in front of well, what if you're playing Wembley Arena, how many people? Twelve thousand. Walk out in front of twelve thousand people and I'm going to make them laugh.

Bill Bailey21:02

Twelve thousand

Bill Bailey21:07

Yeah.

Presenter21:07

Where does that confidence come from?

Bill Bailey21:09

You have to go into a bit of a zone before you do something like that. You have to kind of look yourself in the eye and say.

Bill Bailey21:16

you you can do this because

Bill Bailey21:19

It's very hard.

Bill Bailey21:21

to do that if you'd just been doing something very mundane, like taking the bins out.

Presenter21:26

You described there getting into the the zone and believing that you can do it. What do do you have something ritualistic you do before you get on stage? Or is it just reminding yourself of all the people you've made laugh before?

Bill Bailey21:36

I always am reminded of a bit of advice that a very fine comedian called Bob Mills once told me.

Bill Bailey21:43

It was one of those kind of what's it all about conversations. And he said comedy He said uh I'll tell you what it's about and he says Always remember this And I went What's that, what's that? and he said keep saying funny things.

Bill Bailey21:55

And it sounds like a sort of truism, but it's absolutely right. You can get distracted by trying to educate or trying to be too intellectual. Just keep saying funny things. As long as they're funny.

Bill Bailey22:07

Then that's fine.

Presenter22:09

And is it enough? Do you get enough of a sense of satisfaction from doing your gigs now? I mean, given that you've been doing it for many years and that you do these huge tours and they sell out and you can fill arenas with tens of thousands of people, is it is it satisfying? Or is there a sense that well, you know, is that all there is?

Bill Bailey22:15

Yeah.

Speaker 222:16

Yeah.

Bill Bailey22:27

It's tremendously exciting and it's very satisfying when you see people.

Bill Bailey22:34

in large numbers that are into your stuff. The the size of the gig is also very exciting. It's just another it's the next level in a way. It's it it turns into some spectacle. It's not me in a little theater or a little club. It's a big spectacle. I suppose my ambition was always to keep moving.

Bill Bailey22:51

What's the next challenge? I don't know what the next one might be.

Presenter22:54

We'll explore that a bit more in a second, but for now tell me about your next piece of music.

Bill Bailey22:58

This is The Pretenders Chrissie Hind. I just thought I had a bit of a teenage crush on her. And I did a gig and she was in the audience. I came off stage and there was a long corridor.

Bill Bailey23:10

and she entered the corridor at the top, and there was just the two of us in this long corridor. As I was walking towards her thinking,

Bill Bailey23:16

Oh, I've got to say all these things that I've been th thinking about for years. I oh, I loved it with great inspiration, the music, da da da da and she came up to me and she just she looked up and she goes, Hi she goes, uh I really enjoyed your set And uh I just burst out I think you're brilliant

Bill Bailey23:33

In this ludicrous high-pitched voice, like I was twelve.

Bill Bailey23:37

And this is really cheap. I think you're brilliant.

Bill Bailey23:40

And laughed in this ludicrous way. Tika laughed and yeah, oh, thank you.

Bill Bailey23:47

Didn't go as planned.

Speaker 323:50

Maybe tomorrow, maybe someday

Speaker 323:57

You change you change.

Speaker 324:00

Replace in this world

Speaker 324:04

You've changed you've changed your place in this world.

Speaker 324:15

All the time to live by the rules

Presenter24:18

The pretenders and talk of the town. In amongst all this comedy, you do a lot of travelling.

Bill Bailey24:23

A lot of travelling, yes. That's a big part of my life, yeah. We travel all over the place. Mainly d in the last few years to Asia and specifically Indonesia.

Presenter24:24

That's a big comp.

Presenter24:31

Do you have a

Bill Bailey24:31

Do you have a question?

Presenter24:32

Kristen, yeah. You traveled in South America, you've been to was it Columbia? Columbia, yeah.

Bill Bailey24:35

Columbia, yes.

Presenter24:35

A ukaima cropper in Colombia.

Bill Bailey24:38

Nearly went very wrong, yes, there. Sean and I went to the Sean Sean Locke. That's right, yeah. Two of us, we went on a jungle trip to the La Ciudad Perdida, which is the lost city. You go from Santa Marta and the Caribbean coastline, and there's two ways of getting there. You either go on a helicopter, which takes 45 minutes, or you trek on foot and it takes a week. So we went for the trekking option. Obviously. Obviously. And we had no preparation for this at all. We didn't think we were going to go on a jungle trip. We didn't have any anti-malarial pills. We didn't have any antibacterial pills. We had nothing. We had a packet of custard creams and a sports sack we bought from a market for three quid. You're not kidding. You didn't. Right. And luckily for us, we bumped into a biological field trip from the University of Stuttgart, who had all the.

Presenter24:40

Okay, what happened?

Presenter24:42

This is Sean Locke.

Presenter25:03

Obviously.

Presenter25:18

Are you you're not kidding, you did it right.

Bill Bailey25:27

Necessary medical facilities.

Presenter25:28

You were very, very ill.

Bill Bailey25:29

I got very ill, yes, I got some sort of amoebic dysentery. I lost two and a half stone.

Bill Bailey25:35

I started to get a bit delirious walking back from the city to the road where the van was going to pick us up. And the the guides could s sense I was actually losing it a bit and they said, I said, How long? They said, 20 minutes. And so, right, okay, what's 20 minutes long? I know my act. So I started to do my act, my 20-minute walking along and going, good evening.

Speaker 325:51

To myself.

Bill Bailey25:54

And when I got to, thank you very much. Good night. I thought we might as well we'll be there. And of course we went. We were hours away.

Bill Bailey26:01

Yeah.

Presenter26:01

So they were just keeping it.

Bill Bailey26:01

So they were just keeping me going. Quite scary in a way. But it was a fantastic experience.

Presenter26:07

Tell me about your next piece of music.

Bill Bailey26:07

Uh

Bill Bailey26:08

Well, this is a piece of Javanese gamelan, which is quite unique uh in Indonesian music. The gamelan is this the the name of the instrument. It's a kind of a like a xylophone, a metallic xylophone. It's huge, isn't it? Huge thing, yeah. And they have all great orchestras of these things.

Speaker 326:20

But you

Presenter26:20

Huge, isn't it?

Bill Bailey26:24

Balanese gamelan is on bamboo xylophone called a rindic, but the Javanese

Bill Bailey26:28

and it was sort of more haunting in a way, and slower, more stately.

Bill Bailey26:32

It's otherworldly. My first time I experienced it was in Java. We were staying at Borobudur and uh it just happens, it kind of flows over you. And uh for that I I love it. I love its otherness.

Speaker 326:47

Yeah.

Presenter27:11

some traditional Javanese gamelan music reminding you of your travels. I I want to bring you solidly back to the here and now. You have been with Chris for twenty years, married for ten, and you have a son now, Dax, who's four.

Speaker 227:21

Right.

Speaker 327:23

That's right.

Presenter27:25

How difficult is it to combine the rock and roll stadium life of stand-up tours in front of tens of thousands of people with taking Daks to school and emptying the bins? Is that tricky?

Bill Bailey27:34

Yeah, it is a bit tricky. I like to do both. I don't like to just go off and go on tour and go into a bubble. I like to go home and do all those normal things. It keeps your head in the right place, I think. Otherwise you just tend to th maybe think you you are some some sort of ludicrous cult figure.

Presenter27:52

And does Dex inform your comedy in any way? I'm not I don't mean in the sort of kids say the cutest things kind of a way, but has he presumably has changed you, being a father?

Bill Bailey28:00

I think so. Yes, you do change, you know, your priorities change a bit and, um it's great having him around actually. It's less about you then, you know, done a gig and then he's the focus. It kinda takes the pressure off a little bit.

Presenter28:13

And what about what's next for you? Because of course when we were talking initially we established this continuing theme in your existence, certainly when you were younger, that that things were never quite enough. If if you could do them and you could do them

Bill Bailey28:21

Good.

Speaker 228:21

Yeah.

Presenter28:26

Relatively easily, then you want it to be on to the next thing. What will the next thing be?

Bill Bailey28:30

What will the next

Bill Bailey28:32

I think really to revisit the music side of my career. Just to go back and play more music. I've missed playing it to a certain level for so long.

Bill Bailey28:42

In comedy you can no, I just I just play little bits and pieces here and there. I mean it is part of an act, it's integral to the s to the act, but I haven't really been that serious about it.

Bill Bailey28:52

I want to go back and actually go back to the piano and try and push myself a bit and actually try and improve it and try and learn learn more.

Presenter29:00

Tell me about your final piece of music then.

Bill Bailey29:02

This is some part of Foray's Requiem, the in Paradisum. It was the music we played at my mum's funeral.

Bill Bailey29:09

and rather like the gamelan actually, it's kind of music which for a while you're not aware of instruments being played or songs being sung.

Bill Bailey29:19

You're just aware of something else.

Bill Bailey29:22

takes you to another place, and it was beautifully appropriate at that point.

Speaker 330:01

Swashy almost stayed.

Presenter30:17

Part of the paradisum from Foray's Requiem, sung by the choir of King's College, Cambridge, with the new Philharmonia Orchestra conducted by Sir David Wilcox. So, as you know, Bill, we will give you the complete works of Shakespeare now, and I'll give you the Bible too, and you're allowed to take a third book.

Bill Bailey30:33

Collected works of Somerset Moore.

Presenter30:35

You may have that. And a luxury to make life more bearable. Pack cards.

Presenter30:41

To do tricks with or to play old maid with or what?

Bill Bailey30:43

Uh solitaire, you can build them up into a lovely um pyramid, throw them into a old coconut shell, the possibilities are endless.

Presenter30:52

That's a good three hours' worth of fun you've got there then. Right, you may have a pack of cards. And I'm going to force you now, if the waves were to crash to the shore and wash away the music, which one would you run to save of these discs?

Bill Bailey31:02

Well, it'd have to be the one that uh I was supposed to play keyboards on, once in a lifetime.

Presenter31:07

Phil Bailey, thank you very much for letting us see your Desert Island discs.

Bill Bailey31:10

Pleasure.

Presenter31:17

You've been listening to a podcast from the Desert Island Discs archive. For more podcasts, please visit bbc.co.uk slash radio four.