Julian Clary

Speaker 30:00

Hello, I'm Kirsty Young, and this is a podcast from the Desert Island Discs archive. For rights reasons we've had to shorten the music. The programme was originally broadcast in two thousand and five, and the presenter was Sue Lawley.

Presenter0:30

My castaway this week is an entertainer. He's the man, or one of them anyway, who brought Camp out of the closet and on to mainstream television. With his full make up, garish costumes, and endless innuendos there's nothing he likes better, he says, than the warm hand on his entrance he enjoyed great success with, among others, his show Sticky Moments on Channel Four.

Presenter0:50

He had a conventional upbringing in South West London, but was teased at school for being effeminate.

Presenter0:56

He enjoyed some success as a drag artist, worked the alternative comedy circuit, and then glittered into television.

Presenter1:03

Over the last ten years or so his career's moved via his one-man show and appearances in pantomime to his present-day role as family favourite in all sorts of different shows, not least strictly come dancing, in which he reached the final last year. If I never went on stage again, he says, maybe I'd miss it, but I don't think I really would. He is Julian Clary. I can't believe, Julian, that you could do without an audience. I mean, it's what you do, isn't it? Strut your stuff, launch yourself, you you need it.

Julian Clary1:32

I quite like it, but I I think when I said that I was responding to um someone else who'd said that, you know, they could absolutely wither and die if they if they didn't appear on stage, that it was the meaning of life to them. It's not the most important thing in my life, you know, I I would get by.

Presenter1:46

But what used to be important was shocking people, but you're you're not so shocking now. Now we've moved into mainstream, as it were, huh?

Julian Clary1:53

No, I'm not so bothered about that. I mean, things evolved.

Julian Clary1:57

You kind of grow out of it. I mean, I n I never set out to shock at all. I I wasn't shocking to myself.

Presenter2:02

Month here.

Julian Clary2:03

I don't think so. I think it was uh it's all how things are perceived.

Presenter2:07

It was pretty shocking. I mean, going back to your first big show at the Hackney Empire, which was what, late eighties, wasn't it? You were on stage there and I mean, you know, we can't repeat it.

Julian Clary2:12

Yeah.

Speaker 42:12

Yeah.

Presenter2:19

First of all, I mean to set the tone you would enter through curtains as if through a man's legs. I came through a men's trousers.

Julian Clary2:23

I came through some flies, but that's not shocking anymore.

Presenter2:28

Oh no, it wasn't, but it set the tone, because after that what you then said was completely explicit.

Julian Clary2:34

Well I want to

Presenter2:34

About gay sex, yeah.

Julian Clary2:35

I wanted yes, I wanted to demystify gay sex and and be very specific.

Presenter2:41

I see. But you demystified it in fairly um explicit terms, I think is the word. In front of your mum and dad and your auntie Tess and your uncle Ken on the first night.

Julian Clary2:46

So

Presenter2:53

Sneak without

Julian Clary2:53

Well, that was the act I'd written and that's what you know, if I didn't talk about that, there wouldn't be much else left. You know, a few impressions from the dog, and then we'd all go home.

Presenter3:02

But it took courage, hm?

Julian Clary3:04

I didn't think of it that way. They understand my sense of humour.

Presenter3:08

Hmm.

Julian Clary3:09

I find old ladies like me a lot and and they like to come and sit in the front row and they know exactly what I'm talking about.

Julian Clary3:15

They

Presenter3:16

They don't need demystifying.

Presenter3:19

Let's have a first record. What's it to be?

Julian Clary3:21

Oh, Dana Gillespie, um, who is I've been a a fan of hers since I was about fourteen. This is her in her kind of boogie guise. This is a song that I play a lot and it's um as I think I'm right in saying the the song they used to play in the in the old Bordellos, uh while the if the ladies were all occupied to keep the the gentlemen busy while they were waiting their turn to go upstairs for a good seeing to, they'd they'd play something like this on the piano to get them in the mood.

Speaker 43:55

Listen, sister?

Speaker 43:58

You should wear a smile Jump for joy like a child Big fat mama's a back in style Baby, keep that waistline Mama, don't get streamlined Keep that fat right where it's at, it's mine

Presenter4:16

Dharma Gillespie and Big Fat Mummas are back in style again.

Presenter4:21

We shouldn't go any further, Julie and Clary, without talking about Fanny the Wonder Dog, who used to be very much part of your act. Is she no longer with us, gone to Doggy Heaven?

Julian Clary4:24

Oh, yeah.

Julian Clary4:29

She's passed away to the great behind. She was my co-star, a small mongrel that came from a dog's home. Her first ever appearance was when I was doing a club where there was no dressing room, and I told her to sit quietly by the side, and she she started to get laughs and upstage me. But she did seem to have comic timing and she did seem to, night after night, deliver the goods. So what can you say?

Presenter4:57

But what did she do? D um describe what she did.

Julian Clary4:59

It is quite hard to describe.

Julian Clary5:03

Impressions. She would do a very convincing Sarah Ferguson and The Queen Mother.

Presenter5:10

How does she do them?

Julian Clary5:12

She wore a wig.

Julian Clary5:13

For Sarah, um for the Queen Mother, you would just lift her gums up, and she had rather brown teeth.

Julian Clary5:20

And facial hair.

Julian Clary5:22

Um but her main gift was giving withering looks to the audience. If if I was playing a rough club and people would heckle, and I suppose it was she was protecting me, but she would just stare people out.

Presenter5:33

She was also upstaging you a lot of the time, of course. You were mad to allow it, but then you're mad, I swear.

Julian Clary5:38

I've never been called mad before.

Presenter5:41

Crazy, I mean off the wall about these things. I mean, it was that always part of your your makeup? Is that what you're like? Is that what it was like at home?

Julian Clary5:50

It was. It wa there was a lot of sort of comedy at home and a lot of sort of silly, silly things, like walking into the room with a pair of knickers on her head, my mother would do sort of once a week and ask a very bland question like, Do you fancy a hot cross bun, but with a pair of knickers on her head?

Presenter6:07

This this is your mother who was a probation officer, I understand.

Julian Clary6:09

Yes, I am the product of a probation officer and a policeman, um, which is s sounds very staid and um it was very proper, very moral upbringing, but um they did have a laugh.

Presenter6:20

Or was your dad equally capable of being daft?

Julian Clary6:23

He was more the kind of fool guy.

Julian Clary6:27

And my mother and I were we were a bit of a double act, you know, we were very sort of queeny really and would refuse to if we went on holiday we would refuse to put up the tent. My father and my sisters would do that and we'd s we'd sit there in the car and and shout out instructions. Um

Presenter6:43

So you I mean, we get the picture, you very sort of precious little boy, who was besotted with his guinea pig called Hildebrand.

Julian Clary6:50

Who died of cystitis, unfortunately.

Presenter6:53

But your father must have been bemused by what he

Presenter6:57

Produced?

Julian Clary6:58

He was bemused. I don't think, you know, if you have an only son and you you have certain expectations that you might play football together and you might have joined in the decorating or tinkering with the car and I was

Julian Clary7:09

Very adamant from a very young age, I'm afraid, that that wasn't an interest of mine.

Presenter7:15

Didn't he try to get you to join the army later on?

Julian Clary7:17

He suggested when I was sixteen and I didn't know whether to stay and do A-levels at school, he did foolishly suggest that I join the army.

Presenter7:26

But it wasn't gonna happen, was it?

Julian Clary7:26

But it wasn't

Julian Clary7:27

Well, it quite appeals in retrospect, but I didn't take him up on it.

Presenter7:31

Anyway, you got a was it a scholarship you got?

Julian Clary7:34

Yes, I got a scholarship to St Benedict's School in Ealing.

Presenter7:37

Which is very posh.

Julian Clary7:38

Ray Posh Catholic School run by a Benedictine monk.

Presenter7:41

All boys.

Julian Clary7:42

All boys.

Presenter7:43

But you didn't get on too well there, as we shall hear. But let's pause for record number two. What is it?

Julian Clary7:48

Aretha Franklin of Course Can Do No Wrong, and that's not the name of the song, but Aretha Franklin Can Do No Wrong, and I've been listening to her forever. And this is from I think it was her last album, or the one before last. It's the title track called So Damn Happy.

Speaker 48:05

You can always have what you want, but you got to take the bird down.

Speaker 48:14

In this way.

Speaker 48:17

I'm a big girl, and I know what I want.

Speaker 48:21

Three nights in your arms would be

Speaker 48:25

I slew my tree, got a journey by the light.

Presenter8:34

Aretha Franklin, and so damn happy. So what kind of figure would you have cut then when you got to Saint Benedict's School in Ealing, Julian?

Julian Clary8:42

Um

Julian Clary8:43

I was quite a chatty eleven-year-old. I was quite um

Julian Clary8:47

into my guinea pigs. Quite extrovert pre adolescence, quite friendly, and um I used to like it. I used to like them there was one monk in particular, Father G. Um and very religious. I used to go to Mass a lot and I used to

Julian Clary9:05

Pray a lot.

Julian Clary9:07

So that's what I that's what I was like until it all all went horribly wrong.

Presenter9:10

When did it all go horribly wrong and how?

Julian Clary9:12

Well

Julian Clary9:14

I was suddenly disillusioned by.

Julian Clary9:16

this favourite monk of mine, because he he he used to beat naughty boys. That was that was part of the rule of Saint Benedict. But um never me because I never did anything wrong and uh I I one day forgot my swimming things. I forgot them so he used to get up to my office and uh he beat me very hard um with his strap and uh I was terribly shocked by the

Julian Clary9:42

the violence of it really and and

Julian Clary9:45

The humiliation and the transformation of of this rather holy man into into something strap wielding. And his whole face changed, you know, he was very

Julian Clary9:56

very cross about something that and I hadn't done it deliberately I quite liked swimming

Presenter10:00

Hmm.

Julian Clary10:00

It was my loss.

Presenter10:01

And you suggest that that changed everything for you?

Julian Clary10:04

Um

Julian Clary10:06

Yes, that my religious fervor rather evaporated, probably not overnight, but um.

Julian Clary10:13

And then the onset of adolescence, and then I had to go to the upper school, and then I met my fr I'm I'm skipping through my life here, but then I met my friend Nick, and the two of us became

Julian Clary10:24

increasingly um theatrical and deliberately provocative reading Quentin Crisp and Mural Spark and wanting to be la creme de la creme. And we rather enjoyed provoking people, but

Presenter10:38

And and they responded,'cause you you were called all sorts of names.

Julian Clary10:42

Yes, it was it was a sort of um fame within the school. I mean, obviously we were bullied, but I don't I don't like to portray it as being a total victim because um

Julian Clary10:52

We enjoyed our our celebrity status.

Presenter10:55

You brought it on yourselves in a sense, didn't you?

Julian Clary10:57

That's what someone said in my school report, you bring it on yourself.

Presenter11:00

Really?

Julian Clary11:01

We certainly didn't want to be rugby playing public schoolboys. We didn't want them to be like them.

Presenter11:09

But you went to the other extreme.

Julian Clary11:10

We certainly did. And it was a time of

Presenter11:11

Yeah.

Julian Clary11:13

David Bowie and Mark Bolan and there seemed to be some life, a glimpse of a life outside of St Benedict's that rather attracted us. I think we were so sure of ourselves, we were so sure that we were going to be terribly famous pop stars and we were amusing ourselves'cause it was a very boring life there and we were highly amused by each other.

Presenter11:38

Tell me about the next record.

Julian Clary11:40

Oh, this is Mark Bolan, the aforementioned lovely Mark Bolan. I play this nearly every morning, um, either this or yodeling. This is what wakes me up and puts me in a good mood for the day.

Speaker 411:56

Just that

Speaker 412:05

Let's see your back of the end your phone.

Speaker 412:10

To retire.

Speaker 412:12

Training legendary choice I wanna be a god

Presenter12:19

T-Rex and Twentieth Century Boy Music to Wake Up by

Presenter12:23

You went to Goldsmith's, uh, University of London to read English and Drama, Julian, and um you did lots of plays, Twelfth Night, and As You Like It, and some you wrote yourself. What did you write yourself?

Julian Clary12:27

Yeah

Speaker 412:27

Uh

Julian Clary12:32

What?

Julian Clary12:33

I've I'd been writing plays since I was at school, and I we we took some shows to the Edinburgh Festival, and we have one slot left in our venue, so I I put one of my plays on in there, The Acts and Victims, which is a sort of peculiar black comedy.

Presenter12:49

The Axe and Victim

Julian Clary12:50

That's what I called it, yes.

Presenter12:52

Was it as nasty as it sounds?

Julian Clary12:54

It was about uh I'm embarrassed to say what it was about, really. It was about a a rapist, um, but it was a comedy. There was an old lady and one of her lines was, He broke in halfway through Charlie's Angels and I'll never know what happened in the end.

Julian Clary13:09

But I was only a teenager.

Presenter13:10

And and what you loved, as I understand it, was the dressing up and the being on stage. I mean, you were just hooked by all of that, really?

Julian Clary13:17

I was. After this sort of oppressive life at St Benedict's, when I arrived at Goldsmiths, I just seemed to flourish and and suddenly you're encouraged to be an individual and you're allowed to grow your hair and wear makeup and put on shows and uh I just did it all. I was constantly acting in plays and putting on cabarets in the lunch time.

Presenter13:36

And you invented a double act with a friend called Glad and May. What does Glad and May do?

Julian Clary13:39

What is that?

Julian Clary13:41

Well, my friend Linda and I, we were two char ladies and the highlight of our act was a handbag competition where we'd both grab a girl's handbag from the audience and uh empty out the contents. I still do it now from time to time. I've got my eye on your handbag.

Presenter14:01

I wouldn't like to tell you what we can find in there. Then there was Gillian Pie Face, who looked like she sounded, presumably. But all of these female inventions of yours were precursors to the Joan Collins Fan Club.

Julian Clary14:14

Yeah.

Presenter14:14

How did she come to you, as it were? How did she find her moment?

Julian Clary14:18

Well, Gillian Pie Face uh was a sort of Mother Earth figure. She wore a caftan and wooden beads and plimpsoles. And she was kept in a holdle which was stolen from the back of my van. I I was doing singing telegrams and balloon deliveries at the time. So Gillian was gone and I did actually stop and think what did I want to

Julian Clary14:37

Look like. And I th I I loved the makeup and the glamour, but I didn't really want to be a female impersonator. So I thought, right, rubber then, black rubber would be good. And it doesn't crease and you rinse it under the tap. And Joan Collins was everywhere at that time. So I called myself the Joan Collins Fan Club and

Julian Clary14:58

Suddenly felt much more comfortable being a glamorous man rather than.

Julian Clary15:02

called Gillian or Glad or May. It was a it was a bit of a breakthrough for me.

Presenter15:07

But you had a girlfriend, didn't you? Didn't you? When you got to university, you had a heterosexual affair, did you have? Yes.

Julian Clary15:13

Yes, I did, and very successful it was too.

Julian Clary15:17

I wasn't just dabbling, I was quite accomplished at heterosexual goings-on, I'll have you know.

Presenter15:23

You're not suggesting that she ruined you for all time, for all women.

Julian Clary15:26

No, I'm not.

Presenter15:27

That was a bit pat.

Julian Clary15:28

I'm not but but there was something sacred about that in my mind, you know, that was that was a very special thing. And um so yeah, then I did um, as we know, go in the other direction.

Presenter15:41

Come on, next piece of music.

Julian Clary15:42

Ah, yes, now I can only apologize, it's Mary Schneider.

Julian Clary15:47

I don't know why I'm apologising. I'm a huge fan of Mary Schneider and yodeling in general. It it makes me laugh and it's it's much cleverer than you might think. Here she is yodling uh the William Tell overture.

Speaker 416:00

For layo lay would take what lay would lay but lay with lay to dit little ditch for lay with lay with layer lay for lay with lay with little ditch for letter

Julian Clary16:02

Yeah.

Julian Clary16:04

Yeah.

Presenter16:08

Hey, yeah.

Julian Clary16:08

Yeah.

Presenter16:09

Hey, the man.

Julian Clary16:09

Yeah.

Julian Clary16:10

Leave, leave, do.

Presenter16:27

There we are, Mary Schneider, yodling in Rossini's William Tell overture. There's a first. Um, nineteen eighty seven it was, your big break, Julian Clary, because you were picked up and put on Friday night or Saturday night live, you can't remember which. Um and so it all happened, did it, as a result of that experience, that that that break.

Julian Clary16:40

Mm-hmm.

Julian Clary16:45

One yeah, it seemed to me fairly overnight, you know, one seven-minute slot on that show and uh a whole different world opened up'cause I was perfectly happy on the Cabaret Circuit. My self-sufficient life of, you know, writing my own act and negotiating my own fees and taking the dog and getting on the train and going to do gigs was it was a very pleasant life. As it turned out, that slot led to me c having my own show on Channel 4 Sticky Moments. And then one thing just leads on from another. Suddenly you find you're in a different different world.

Presenter17:17

Different world.

Presenter17:19

As I was suggesting earlier on.

Presenter17:22

beginning to find a a new way of presenting a a camp act from the kinds of camp that had gone before. Is it have you I mean you must have analysed it over the years how does what you did then differ from, let's say, Larry Grayson before you, who was also obviously gay and could be outrageous, or Kenneth Williams, or what was different about your act?

Julian Clary17:44

Well, I just transferred my

Julian Clary17:46

my comedy club act to television, I didn't I didn't think, Oh, I better toned this down or anything. I suppose what had changed is that I was allowed to be an out gay man and Larry Grayson wasn't, you know.

Presenter17:59

Wasn't he?

Julian Clary18:00

No, he he did everything but, but I don't think he could

Julian Clary18:05

Say I'm a gay man and carry on working.

Julian Clary18:09

I didn't feel I was on any great crusade. I mean, I wasn't all about gay sex, was it? I mean, my act was, but Sticky Moments wasn't. That was just a a parody of a game show. I obviously I was a gay man and so there there was no point in no one's that stupid, no point in saying I wasn't gay and no point in

Julian Clary18:32

Talking about anything else, really?

Presenter18:33

But so you weren't on a mission, it was just that

Presenter18:37

Comedy should be dangerous, and it was dangerous to be outrageous.

Julian Clary18:42

And it was very

Julian Clary18:43

Daring of Channel Four to commission a show, my my show at that time, I think.

Presenter18:50

You'd have still been delivering singing telegrams.

Julian Clary18:52

Yes, quite happily.

Julian Clary18:54

It toughened me up. I certainly

Julian Clary18:57

helped me with the act, I think, and you had to be fearless.

Presenter19:01

And you've always been fearless, Julian.

Julian Clary19:03

And what happened by always?

Presenter19:05

Next piece of music.

Julian Clary19:07

Oh, what's next? Oh, um well, when I extended my act from a sort of twenty-minute act on the circuit to

Julian Clary19:15

playing bigger venues and and playing for longer, I've ran out of material and I thought I really ought to pad this out with some songs. So I got a pianist, Russell, and I got a a backing singer, Barb Younger, to carry the tune. And Barb is a very dear friend and a very wonderful singer, and here is Barb's version of Peace in the Valley.

Speaker 419:35

Oh, well, the morning is so bright

Speaker 419:40

Tell me love is the lie.

Speaker 419:46

And the night is as fair as the day.

Speaker 419:55

Then there's gonna be peace in the valley.

Presenter20:03

Bob Younger and Peace in the Valley. So you were having great success, Julian, through the late eighties and into the nineties, um but behind the scenes life was going pear-shaped, wasn't it? Your um live in lover, Christopher, was dying of AIDS.

Julian Clary20:15

Mm-hmm.

Presenter20:17

Um

Presenter20:19

He obviously meant a lot to you. How long were you together?

Julian Clary20:21

Uh about two or three years.

Presenter20:24

And you nursed him until he died.

Julian Clary20:26

Yeah.

Presenter20:27

Um and after that things only got worse.

Julian Clary20:30

Well um after Christopher died um I was very I was very busy. I was in the middle of writing a show and recording a show and I didn't I don't think I in retrospect I th I don't think I dealt with um that bereavement very well and I carried on working and then I had another relationship which went horribly wrong and uh

Julian Clary20:53

Then everything seemed to conspire to.

Julian Clary20:56

Turn round and bite me.

Julian Clary20:58

Oh, everything just kind of spiralled oh spiralled out of my control.

Presenter21:02

And you ended up going on live television while you were feeling like this. This was 1993 British Comedy Awards.

Presenter21:09

And um you were going to open an envelope, like you do, um, and you decided to make a joke at the expense of the former Chancellor, Norman Lamont, which um which we can't repeat, but it was um

Presenter21:22

How can we say it was a an obscure reference to a particular sexual act performed by what?

Julian Clary21:28

Got the f

Presenter21:29

Sadomasochistic gaze, huh?

Julian Clary21:32

God bless the BBC. Did we like that? Beautifully put.

Presenter21:33

Did we like that? Beautifully put.

Julian Clary21:37

It was. I mean, I didn't I I know it was a rude joke, but I didn't expect it to get the reaction it did. And I'm still a bit bemused, but it was

Presenter21:43

It was all right in the hall, wasn't it? I mean, it seemed to go down well with the audience, but there was a kind of hoo-ha afterwards. I don't know. Tabloids. Moral outrage.

Julian Clary21:44

Seems to go down.

Julian Clary21:48

The tabloids.

Julian Clary21:52

That infamous uh joke uh haunts me still. But I I I was very um depressed and uh drugged at the time. I was on Valium and uh

Julian Clary22:02

mi sort of mixture of valium and alcohol, which which makes you reckless and uh probably if I'd had any if I'd been sober I'd have I'd have had some self-restraint and and thought that through. But anyway I said it.

Presenter22:14

It was a bit of a misjudgment in the moment, but it did did do for you really, isn't it?

Julian Clary22:18

I know, but I can't regret it, you know, I I can't regret it.

Presenter22:21

Well, what would be the point? You can't regress it. But there was a kind of edict that you shouldn't be allowed out on live television again and

Julian Clary22:22

Yeah.

Julian Clary22:28

Yes, a sort of fatoire.

Presenter22:30

Mm f

Julian Clary22:30

That still holds actually it's still um on L W T I think I'm not allowed.

Presenter22:36

Well you're lying on BBC. You've done the national lot right now.

Julian Clary22:38

I know, and well I think maybe I'm forgiven these days.

Presenter22:41

But you were in big decline. You went you went home to mum and dad, didn't you?

Julian Clary22:45

Yes, I did. And then I went to Australia and did a big tour of Australia because they didn't know what all the fuss was about, being such a vulgar nation. They loved all that. They were all for it. Um I got myself together eventually and had some counselling and and just had to then be very tenacious really and start all over again.

Presenter23:04

Record number six.

Julian Clary23:05

Ah, this is a very dreamy song produced by Andrew Thomas Wilson, and uh if I were on a desert island this is probably how I'd pass the time just staring out at the horizon, listening to an alternative rendition of Ness and Dorma.

Presenter23:48

Di Varia's version of Nessundorma from Puccini's Turin Dot and the soprano was Karen Cummings. Um you did bounce back, Julian, obviously, and here you are and it's all happening and you've got a career and so on. But it it it did get

Presenter24:01

Pretty bad. I read somewhere that you did contemplate suicide, is that right?

Julian Clary24:05

Oh, where did you read that?

Presenter24:07

Probably in your book.

Julian Clary24:08

Well, we all contemplate all sorts of things, don't we?

Presenter24:11

But did you seriously? Was it just is this just a line?

Julian Clary24:14

Oh, yes, I did, but um, you know, I didn't follow through.

Presenter24:18

Why not? What stopped you?

Julian Clary24:20

Oh, well, I'm I'm very fickle, you know, and I th I think depression doesn't last very long.

Julian Clary24:25

I get very depressed for sort of 20 minutes, and then I think, oh, I've over that now, I feel fine.

Presenter24:30

So you have panic attacks, then you?

Julian Clary24:32

I did, yes. I haven't had one of those for a while. That whole thing of being recognized I did find difficult and it was all related to that.

Presenter24:39

So it cuts yourself off from the reality of you, doesn't it?

Julian Clary24:42

Yes, the anxiety um was related to that. I think anxiety is is sort of very close relative of depression, so when when that was all going on, that that's probably why I don't I didn't have those panic attacks anymore. The funny thing is, I found I could make very unreasonable demands and people would go along with it. Um s for for example, I decided I you know, I couldn't possibly travel in a maroon car and uh

Julian Clary25:10

So I said to my agent, I can't travel in maroon cars and and rather than say don't be so stupid, they say, of course, we qu we quite understand and it becomes a vital requisite of transporting me anywhere that I can't have a maroon car.

Presenter25:23

But panicking at the idea of fame is just uh such a contradiction because, you know, you are an an arch exhibitionist.

Julian Clary25:30

I'm not really. I'm quite introverted. I mean, I if if I'm on stage and I'm being paid to be uh, you know, an exhibitionist, as you call it, then that's that's fine. But I'm lo most comedians are actually qu quite uh

Julian Clary25:43

introspective and um

Julian Clary25:46

Busy observing people.

Presenter25:48

Nickel number seven.

Julian Clary25:50

I was in the Boy George musical Taboo for a while, playing the part of Lee Barry, and without giving the plot away I had to die on a nightly basis and I would lay on my death bed a very sort of sad part of the show and uh Gail McKinnon would sing this song, this beautiful song, Ila Dor.

Speaker 426:08

Where is we?

Speaker 426:12

Never move.

Speaker 426:17

How could you go and die?

Speaker 426:21

What a lonely thing to do.

Presenter26:37

Gail McKinnon and Ela Dore from the cast recording of the musical Taboo in which Julian Clary played Lee Bowery, the Australian performance artist art on legs, he called himself.

Julian Clary26:47

He did, but now I think other people called him Art on Legs.

Presenter26:49

Amazing character.

Julian Clary26:50

Amazing character.

Presenter26:51

So you've done that, and you had your own show in the West End, you've done a stint on the Lottery Live, as we say, and you've done strictly ballroom, right up your street, all that.

Presenter27:00

Frocks and flaunting, huh?

Julian Clary27:01

I think so.

Presenter27:02

Yes. Um but I wonder if Underneath and a lot of people who've written about you have have suggested this.

Presenter27:08

There isn't really a very conventional man trying to get out. I mean, you you talked about wanting to have children. In fact, you tried, haven't you?

Julian Clary27:17

Um well, we I arranged to um have a child with with a lesbian friend of mine when we were on tour of in Australia. Um

Julian Clary27:26

And she worked out her cycle and everything. We did.

Julian Clary27:30

I did think about such things. You do think about such things. You know, I got sort of forty ish and thought, Oh, I haven't had a child. Um how am I going to preserve my genes for humanity? And uh then you decide that obviously you're not going to go down that path.

Presenter27:47

But you thought about adopting as well, didn't you?

Julian Clary27:49

Thought about adopting. I still do. You know, I think I've got a spare room and.

Julian Clary27:55

I give some child a very nice life, I think.

Presenter27:58

Hm. So so you do

Presenter28:00

want to be conventional now in in in other ways too. I think you've taken to gardening, hm?

Julian Clary28:05

Gardening's a marvellous thing. Do you garden?

Presenter28:07

I don't garden.

Julian Clary28:08

Window box?

Presenter28:10

No, don't do my window box. I basil plant on the window ledge.

Julian Clary28:13

Run off.

Presenter28:14

And you want a nice little house with geraniums in the garden, I read.

Julian Clary28:19

I've got that, yes.

Presenter28:21

You've got it.

Julian Clary28:21

Yes, I've got geraniums, a nice little house.

Presenter28:24

And what do you want to do ultimately? I mean, if you did turn away from the stage, what would you like to do?

Julian Clary28:30

Um well, I've started writing a a novel, which is a very different kettle of fish from a memoir, because you you can do what you like. I killed a couple of people off last night, they're getting on my nerves. So perhaps that. Perhaps I'll go and live in Nicaragua and uh and write books.

Presenter28:46

So it's it's Julian Clary the reclusive novelist next, isn't it?

Julian Clary28:49

Well, I'm only fantasizing. I'm sure I'll do none of those things. I'll probably just carry carry on with with tired old innuendos and um playing smaller and smaller venues.

Presenter29:01

Last record.

Julian Clary29:02

Last record, we're going back to where we started with Dana Gillespie, and I was imagining.

Julian Clary29:08

Being on this desert island and needing to keep my spirits up really, and th this is a devotional Indian song that you might hear in in any temple if you went there. I can't even pronounce the title. You do it,'cause you're imagining a reading when you

Presenter29:22

Imagine reading the news. Not sure I can do it either, but Guru Nanaka Jiki Jaika. What about that?

Julian Clary29:29

Lovely.

Speaker 429:31

Where the chants the name of God attains the final goal of liberation.

Speaker 429:39

Peace unto you a thousand times, peace and salutation.

Speaker 429:47

Whoever chants the name of God attains the final goal of liberation, peace unto you a thousand times. Uh

Presenter29:58

Donna Gillespie and the Indian peace I pronounced earlier.

Julian Clary30:03

Peace and salutation.

Presenter30:04

Peace and salutation, that'll do. You're going to be all right on this island, are you, Julian? You're going to fend for yourself. You're not going to get into a terrible state.

Julian Clary30:13

I think just you on your own on this island's the idea. I'd absolutely hate it. I'd absolutely hate being isolated. And and that's why I chose these songs quite specifically, like th th the last one, Dana Gillespie. I I'd need to do a bit of meditation and uh

Presenter30:15

Yeah.

Julian Clary30:30

Um well to stop yourself going mad, you'd go mad, wouldn't you?

Presenter30:33

You would be mad.

Julian Clary30:34

I think so.

Presenter30:35

Finally you would be mad.

Julian Clary30:36

Yeah, so give in to it.

Presenter30:37

If you could only take one of those eight records, which one would you take?

Julian Clary30:42

I think it would be that last track.

Presenter30:45

Okay. Peace and salutations. And your book as well as the Bible and Shakespeare.

Julian Clary30:49

This is it's all about my mental health, using my mental well-being. A book I'm always banging on about, but it's Stop Thinking and Start Living by Richard Carlson. And it's I contemplated poetry and Sylvia Plath and Jane Austen, but really, if I'm seriously stuck on an island by myself, I'll need to.

Julian Clary31:11

look after myself and this is this is stops you thinking negatively.

Presenter31:15

And your luxury.

Julian Clary31:17

Um I did a show recently and the soundman had a prosthetic arm and and and instead of a hand he had this sort of multipurpose tool thing which I thought would be very useful for cracking open shell fish and um things to do with trees that you might want to do.

Presenter31:33

Peeling the bark off.

Julian Clary31:34

Building things and it would glint in the sunshine if a passing ship might come and rescue me.

Presenter31:40

An all purpose prosthetic arm.

Julian Clary31:43

Mm-hmm.

Presenter31:43

I see. Okay. Julie and Clary, thank you very much indeed for letting you see your desert island discs.

Julian Clary31:48

Peace and salutations.

Speaker 331:58

You've been listening to a podcast from the Desert Islandists Archive. For more podcasts, please visit bbc.co.uk/radio4.