Paul Whitehouse

Speaker 10:00

Hello, I'm Kirsty Young, and this is a podcast from the Desert Island Discs archive. For rights reasons, we've had to shorten the music.

Speaker 10:08

The programme was originally broadcast in two thousand and three, and the presenter was Sue Lawley.

Presenter0:23

My Costaway this week is a writer and comedian. Having dropped out of university, he worked as a plasterer in East London, where in the local pub he and his friends would make each other laugh with impressions of people they'd met. This became his stock in trade, first in characters he wrote and developed for Harry Enfield, Stavros and loads of money, and then in his own right as one of the creators and performers of The Fast Show on BBC Two. From Cockney to toff, from football pundit to nosy neighbours, the people he's created are a comic mosaic of everyday life in modern Britain. He's currently starring in another of his television creations, Happiness, a comedy drama about a man facing a midlife crisis. He's modest about what he's achieved and often feels happier off the screen than on it. Writing is what I really enjoy, he says. I wonder if it'll be appropriate in a few years' time to ponce around in silly wigs and whiskers if I last that long. He is Paul Whitehouse. Do you mean we won't be laughing at such things in a few years' time, Paul, or that you'll be just tired of doing them?

Paul Whitehouse1:22

I was thinking oh it might be it might be an embarrassing spectacle more than anything.

Presenter1:26

Well because you really do prefer the writing.

Paul Whitehouse1:26

Look.

Paul Whitehouse1:29

That's that's obviously a showbiz lie, isn't it? To mask my giant ego.

Presenter1:32

It is masked.

Paul Whitehouse1:34

No, I couldn't just come out and go, No, I love it, I love the adulation. So it sounds much more intellectual that to say, I prefer the writing process.

Presenter1:34

No, could you come at

Presenter1:37

So it sounds much more intellectual that I prefer the writing process. You don't like the adulation, do you like it?

Speaker 11:44

Well don't

Paul Whitehouse1:45

I must enjoy some aspect of performing and therefore the response to that, or I would just write. But as I get older I do think that's what I should do.

Presenter1:51

Or are we

Presenter1:52

But I was like

Presenter1:55

I see.

Paul Whitehouse1:56

So I I'll just write

Presenter1:57

But as I was trying to say there i in that introduction, all your characters are born of your observations, aren't they? They're the people you have seen and picked up on and exaggerated to make funny. It's you observing the world.

Paul Whitehouse2:08

Yeah, I to to a certain extent. I remember um listening to Vic Reeves being interviewed once and somebody asked him, um, you know, where do you get your characters from? And he said, Out of our minds And uh it sounds like a trite response, but of course it that's exactly where y you get your characters from.

Presenter2:25

But do you spot him in the moment when you meet him? I mean, you met that porter at Hackney Council, didn't you, who became the sut you sur person?

Paul Whitehouse2:31

Yeah, I mean he was a he was a bloke who used to walk around going, Hello, sir, how are you today, sir?

Presenter2:37

And enjoying your sex life by proxy.

Paul Whitehouse2:37

Enjoy.

Paul Whitehouse2:39

Absolutely. Not that there's much to enjoy, but

Paul Whitehouse2:43

He tried. But he wa I mean, he can I say now I apologize if I call you Sue a lot. Uh why? Well, I know it's your name, but I might say things like, Well, Sue. Well, actually, Sue, the reason I like this song, Sue,

Presenter2:43

Deep right.

Presenter2:49

I might say

Presenter2:56

Tell me about Burke in QC and where you met him. Well, you better just for people who don't know.

Paul Whitehouse2:59

Well, you better

Paul Whitehouse3:01

Yeah.

Speaker 13:02

Yeah.

Presenter3:03

Yeah, exactly.

Paul Whitehouse3:06

Yeah.

Paul Whitehouse3:06

Yeah, I met uh the inspiration for Roly Bucking when I was I went fishing in Iceland. We stayed in this quite remote lodge. And there was a this bloke who he he was there with a a female partner, although they weren't together, but they fished together.

Paul Whitehouse3:23

She was the only person who could understand him, because he would he would I said she'd go, Sit over here, Andrew, come sit here.

Paul Whitehouse3:30

Yeah.

Speaker 33:31

You guys have it, right?

Paul Whitehouse3:32

Yeah, uh that is.

Speaker 33:34

Yeah. Look there.

Paul Whitehouse3:35

One fish yeah. So we'd say we'd actually ask her to interpret, you know, what is he on about?

Speaker 33:41

Andrew had had a couple of good fish, and uh I mean I can't understand what he's saying half the bloody time.

Paul Whitehouse3:46

A pendrew!

Paul Whitehouse3:48

Um

Paul Whitehouse3:49

And I thought what a perfect kind of character for the fast show.

Presenter3:52

For the fast show.

Paul Whitehouse3:55

Absolutely, yes.

Presenter3:56

Which is

Paul Whitehouse3:56

Oh, I'm afraid I was very

Speaker 33:59

Yeah.

Paul Whitehouse3:59

Very junk.

Speaker 34:00

Mm

Presenter4:03

It is wonderful. But does it mean then when you're out and about and spotting these cats that you're always kind of sitting on your own shoulder, always observing yourself, observing the world, thinking, can I use that?

Paul Whitehouse4:14

I don't think it's very healthy pursuit actually. I don't you know,'cause laughter is supposed to be spontaneous expression of joy. You know, it's what hey, along with music, Sue, it's what separates us from the edibles. Right, that'd lurve. So to sort of pursue it and to regard everything as potential to use to make somebody laugh, I don't think it's probably very healthy. You destroy your own spontaneous law. Yeah, you remove your response.

Presenter4:38

You destroy your own spontaneity.

Paul Whitehouse4:41

And that's not very healthy, is it?

Presenter4:43

Makes you a very peculiar animal. Tell me about your first record.

Paul Whitehouse4:45

Oh yeah.

Paul Whitehouse4:47

My first record is Love Train by the OJs and I think it's particularly appozite given the current political situation in the world. I also have a strange image when I was thinking about this of this little love train going past. There's a line that goes, Please don't miss this train at the station,'cause if you miss it, I feel sorry, sorry for you. And I can picture the OJs and me on this train hurtling past the station and there's Sue Lawley on the platform with her pro-war placards and Saddam Hussein and all the other warmongeres. And there's me and the OJs saying, put down your weapons, join us.

Presenter5:32

Join me, join me.

Speaker 15:36

Uh

Speaker 15:37

Hey,

Paul Whitehouse5:39

Oh my god, now

Speaker 15:41

Uh

Paul Whitehouse5:41

Join in the drink the drink the next love that we make

Paul Whitehouse5:50

So big fun.

Paul Whitehouse5:53

So tell all the folks to rush up and die up

Presenter6:00

Love train sung by the O. J. So the man can sing, we hear. And that's not an accident, is it? I mean, that's accurate.

Paul Whitehouse6:07

Well, I that probably that probably will sound awful, that bit of singing I did there. But uh I love to sing, I do I I sing constantly, um and I come from a very musical background.

Presenter6:19

Your mother was an opposing or is an opposing

Paul Whitehouse6:20

Isn't an opera singer? Yeah, she was well, she doesn't she does sing a little bit now, but not she doesn't actually perform anymore, but she was a she was an opera singer, yeah.

Presenter6:28

Golden Voice of Wales?

Paul Whitehouse6:29

She won the Golden Voice of Wales when she was very young. Strange to think of your mum being young, but she was. I know she was young once. What's that? She claims that I could sing Nompandraia eighteen months.

Presenter6:36

What sort of thing?

Paul Whitehouse6:40

But she would, wouldn't she?

Presenter6:42

I heard you do I mean the f the figaro once on the Harry Enfield show a long time ago and suddenly you burst and it was obvious you could sing. I mean you can sing the opera, yeah?

Paul Whitehouse6:44

Oh yeah.

Paul Whitehouse6:45

Long time.

Paul Whitehouse6:50

Well, I don't know about that. Although my mum's you know, my mum she thinks I'll be a tenor s if I add lessons and

Presenter6:56

So it's lurking in there really, the ambition still for

Paul Whitehouse6:59

Not really, I don't I wouldn't want to be an opera singer, no, not a singer.

Presenter7:01

No, no, no, but the ambition to sing. You had a rock group once, didn't you?

Paul Whitehouse7:04

Oh, I've been in a few dodgy groups, but um

Presenter7:06

The right hand lovers

Paul Whitehouse7:07

Oh, don't don't ask.

Presenter7:09

But there's obviously, from everything you you describe, a performer in there and was from the very beginning.

Paul Whitehouse7:13

Yeah, very much so, yeah.

Presenter7:15

You but

Paul Whitehouse7:16

A show off, I think, really, would be

Presenter7:18

Wanting to be center stage.

Paul Whitehouse7:20

Yeah, I'm quite good at being not being totally centre-stage as well. People used to uh ask me, you know, when we did the Harry Enfield show, did you enjoy being sidekick? Was it nice to move into the limelight? And the answer really is no. It's quite a nice position to occupy that. Harry, you know, took all the responsibility and the attention really is focused on Harry, but then in a performing sense, you can be an equal while you're doing a a sketch.

Speaker 17:33

Uh

Presenter7:47

Sure. So you were there without having to carry the can? Absolutely.

Paul Whitehouse7:49

Absolutely, yeah. I tend to want to work in a team both I always write with somebody else, I always collaborate, I never write by myself.

Presenter7:55

What's coming?

Presenter7:56

But tell me about you at school. I mean, were you taking the lead there? Were you, you know, the classic class clown?

Paul Whitehouse8:02

No more than anyone else. I mean I I remember my school days as being populated with very funny kids. I mean I think if I think of kind of teenage, young teenage boys, you know they lack so much as we know. But what they do have is a a fantastic ability for comedy I think and very they can create a very insular world which is impenetrable to us. And I can still see it now when I see kids, you know, apart from obviously the f fear that we all have they're going to shoot and stab us these days, you know, and nick all our consumer durables. But they do still even despite all that, their flick knives and and their oozies, they still seem to have a sense of humour that I kind of admire them for.

Presenter8:44

It's all about boys, isn't it? Your whole humour is about men and observations of men of blokes. Yeah. Well, we'll come to that. I'm going to stop and ask for your next record. Oh, this is your morning.

Paul Whitehouse8:47

Do you think so?

Paul Whitehouse8:51

Next record. Oh, this is your marketing.

Presenter8:55

Yeah.

Paul Whitehouse8:55

Uh

Paul Whitehouse8:57

My mum was an opera singer, but the song I'd like to hear her sing is a traditional Welsh song called Ean Wain Theto. It means to see you again and it's a dreadfully manipulative song about Wales actually. It's a kind of lament to your homeland, you know. So there you go, one from me, mum.

Speaker 19:07

What does he mean?

Paul Whitehouse9:22

In wise at Unbrew.

Speaker 19:29

Yeah.

Paul Whitehouse9:30

Yeah.

Speaker 19:30

Uh

Paul Whitehouse9:30

Uh

Speaker 19:30

Uh

Paul Whitehouse9:31

Yeah.

Paul Whitehouse9:36

Oh, good is the hung of white.

Speaker 19:43

He is our Lord in Lord.

Paul Whitehouse9:43

Yeah.

Presenter9:51

Enwai Theto to see you again, performed by Mike Costaway's mother, Anita Whitehouse. I mean, she was professional, she sang at Covent Garden, didn't you?

Paul Whitehouse9:58

Yeah, she did, yeah, but not bad for an old bag, really. There, she was sixty when she did that. Ah, it's beautiful.

Presenter10:02

Ah, it's beautiful. Lovely to have on your desert island.

Paul Whitehouse10:05

Yeah, I think so, yeah.

Presenter10:06

So you were I mean, whatever else you're saying here, you were obviously very at school, clever and bright, and you got some A levels and you went to university, you went to the University of East Anglia.

Paul Whitehouse10:15

University of Easy Access, apparently, that's what they call it. I didn't realise that. No, yes, that's true. Yeah, so I went to school in Enfield. I think by that time, all schools were comprehensive in Enfield. It was just a standard comprehensive school. Baggy trousers, my madness summed it up. But yeah, I mean, I suppose I see it as a time where I had a lot of fun. And it got you.

Presenter10:19

Big area.

Speaker 110:20

Uh

Presenter10:20

True, yeah.

Speaker 110:21

Uh

Presenter10:36

Yeah.

Presenter10:39

And it got you. Only you did get some decent efforts. I did, didn't you?

Paul Whitehouse10:41

I did, yeah. Well, actually, I took, I did three and I failed one, which was the one subject I thought I was going to pass.

Presenter10:47

Well it got you into university. What did you read?

Paul Whitehouse10:49

Yeah, what good did that do me?

Presenter10:50

What did you read?

Paul Whitehouse10:51

What did I read?

Presenter10:53

Yeah, I mean, what subject did you study?

Paul Whitehouse10:53

I studied something called development studies. To this day, it sort of eludes me, really. I don't know what it was. And it was. But it didn't go anywhere. I need someone, I think, standing over me. Or I did at that time.

Presenter11:05

But it didn't grab.

Presenter11:10

So are you saying you're lazy or you lack discipline or you lack ambition?

Paul Whitehouse11:13

I don't I'm not lazy and I don't uh but academically I think I'm lazy. I've always worked quite hard and I've never I've never shirked my work, Sue.

Speaker 111:20

Uh

Presenter11:20

Mm.

Paul Whitehouse11:26

I told you I'd say so a lot.

Presenter11:26

Yeah.

Presenter11:27

Uh

Paul Whitehouse11:27

But you dropped out, you did it. Yeah, but academically, I don't think I'm a very I'm not a very academic person.

Presenter11:27

But you dropped out. You did it.

Presenter11:32

No. And you dropped out. You just got bored, did you?

Paul Whitehouse11:34

Do you just go

Paul Whitehouse11:35

I did and I I oh, I look back now and I think I'd hate myself if I saw me at eighteen. I think get a job, you student punks. You did get a job when you dropped out. But what

Presenter11:45

You did get a job when you dropped out. But what what is really interesting is that you can't do that. I think it's what I wanted to do, actually. Well, but it's what you did, isn't it?

Paul Whitehouse11:48

I think that's what I wanted to do, actually. Yeah, that's why I said it to myself.

Presenter11:53

You went to work for Hackney Council, huh?

Paul Whitehouse11:55

Yep, I did. And uh I met some great people there, really, really brilliant people.

Presenter11:59

But then you also became a plasterer, which can be a very, very satisfying job.

Paul Whitehouse12:02

Come in.

Paul Whitehouse12:04

Did you know that? Yeah, and also um the person I used to work with was an old friend of mine from Enfield who uh my sister dragged home one night from the pub. And yeah, I eventually went to work with him as a plasterer, yeah, and we worked.

Presenter12:17

But tell me about doing the plastic. I mean, I think it's a very good question.

Paul Whitehouse12:19

Well, it's um it is a satisfying thing to do actually, but after four and a half years of it I was quite happy to hang up my trowel through again. Hang up my trowel and pick up my pen.

Presenter12:31

Record number three.

Paul Whitehouse12:33

Right, record number three. Actually this uh fellow I was talking about there, that my plastroom mate, I'll give him a name. We'll call him Martin because that is his name. At th at this point in my life, around about nineteen seventy seven,

Paul Whitehouse12:48

Punk rock emerged and uh it's almost laughable now but the effect that the the Sex Pistols especially had was quite astonishing. And when I heard this record I played it to this friend of mine Martin and we were both astonished by the kind of power of it and the impact it had and uh it never fails to excite me and it's it's the kings of punk.

Paul Whitehouse13:10

Sex pistols with the God Save the Queen.

Speaker 113:14

It's coming!

Speaker 113:17

Based on my corridor

Speaker 113:37

Teacher.

Paul Whitehouse13:43

Excellent.

Presenter13:43

Pistols with God Save the Queen.

Paul Whitehouse13:45

You loved that, didn't you?

Presenter13:46

I really enjoyed that, but you patently did, huh?

Paul Whitehouse13:46

You please

Paul Whitehouse13:48

I really did and I still I think what all I like to think anyway the music that I've chosen is stuff that's been done with real passion and I think that John Lidden, as we're supposed to call him now, vocal, really is a controlled, snarling, brilliant performance.

Presenter14:04

I believe you.

Presenter14:05

Can I ask the next question now?

Paul Whitehouse14:07

Yes, ask away.

Presenter14:09

What I want to know about is

Presenter14:11

Well I suppose it's the idea that you guys at university dropping out together, you know, being there together, dropping out together, going to sort of you know ordinary skilled jobs together, all of the time underneath the surface was an awful lot of talent, because we're talking here about not just you but Charlie Higson with whom you then created the fastest Dave Cummings.

Paul Whitehouse14:27

You trying to link Charles Nixon and and talents in the same sentence.

Presenter14:31

And Dave coming with whom you write happiness. So I want you to give some hope to all those mothers out there who have kids at university who are doing nothing but drink. What is under the surface? Why doesn't it come to the surface sooner?

Paul Whitehouse14:39

Well, you

Paul Whitehouse14:41

No, why doesn't

Paul Whitehouse14:44

Well, Charlie and Dave didn't drop out, they were good boys. They saw their courses through to the end and got very good degrees.

Presenter14:52

Yeah, but then Charlie became a decorator, didn't he?

Paul Whitehouse14:54

Yeah, but he c he and well, Charlie and Dave were in a band as well at that point, a different group, and uh they were very, very unsuccessful bands. He had to supplement his income by um decorating, whereas I was a real tradesman.

Presenter15:07

Yes, but you were suppressing your talent, weren't you?

Paul Whitehouse15:07

There's no computer.

Paul Whitehouse15:10

Oh, I don't know if I was suppressing my talent. I was earning some money serving in a quite enjoyable way and with a good mate of mine. Martin, the the plastru I worked with, we we were we were a kind of musical liaison as well. We would uh write and perform songs as well. So it was all there. We were singing plasters. It was all there waiting to me off we'd knock out a little bit of puccini.

Presenter15:27

So it was all there. It was all there waiting to

Speaker 115:31

Uh

Paul Whitehouse15:35

Yeah, but there was a lot of us lived in that area of Hackney, and including Harry, you know, that's that's when I first met Harry.

Presenter15:37

Again

Presenter15:40

Harry Enfield.

Paul Whitehouse15:41

Harry Infield, yeah, I was introduced to Harry by Dave Cummings and

Presenter15:44

But he, Harry, then, was the catalyst to all of this, wasn't he?

Paul Whitehouse15:47

Definitely. Harry was quite an ambitious person. I wouldn't say he was pushy, but he certainly knew who to talk to and knew what to do to get on. And so.

Presenter15:56

And in the end he got an offer from Channel Four.

Paul Whitehouse15:58

Yeah, and he m he established himself quite quickly, really.

Presenter16:02

But he established himself with characters like Stavros and loads of money. Now what was their provenance? How much did you have to do with them?

Paul Whitehouse16:05

Yeah.

Paul Whitehouse16:06

Yeah.

Paul Whitehouse16:08

Well Stavros actually was influenced by uh uh a bloke who lived near us, who worked in a kebab shop, Adam Anastasiou. And he was always crying out, How you to depo, you a little bit sad, you not been doing no love making? No, that's right, in it So I'd started half-heartedly writing stuff, having sort of previously just given Harry the odd phrase here and there, you know, in the pub. He'd say, Can I use that? and I'd say yes, for no money and I thought, Hang about let's make this a financial transaction.

Presenter16:35

But what about loads of money at that point?

Paul Whitehouse16:37

Um well I'd started writing Stavros with Harry but I felt personally I needed somebody else. I don't know why it was, I c I couldn't sit at home and write stuff so I kind of I I asked Charlie'cause he had a word processor. And so that's what we did and we started our collaboration then and while we were writing Stavros for Harry we were also trying to develop new characters and uh and loads of money came out of that really and he was a short, sweet money spinner.

Presenter17:02

And you were what, about thirty?

Paul Whitehouse17:04

Yeah, yeah, I think we managed to get on top of the pops with the loads of money single before my 30th birthday. Did it!

Presenter17:13

We're not having that next. We've got a bit of caroozo. Tell me about this one.

Paul Whitehouse17:17

My dad is uh a very passionate music lover as as well as my mum. And my dad introduced me to Caruso. What you can hear with this voice is extraordinary because the degradation of sound quality with the orchestra, I mean it sounds like me in a you know, in a couple of strangled cats and a few maracas, and yet still you can hear this astonishing voice.

Speaker 118:10

Oh, it's God's way, Hallelujah.

Speaker 118:17

Then Almighty God is part of the world.

Speaker 118:26

In the age of fair soul upon a birth, burden flows over.

Presenter18:40

Unal for diva lagrima A Furtive Tear from Donisetti's Elixir of Love sung by Enrico Caruzzo and that was recorded in nineteen hundred and two.

Paul Whitehouse18:43

From Ghana.

Paul Whitehouse18:49

Oh, slimey.

Presenter18:50

It's

Presenter18:51

So, Paul, Whitehouse, you you started performing in the end, having done all the writing, you started perform you and Harry Enfield together gave us uh Smashy and Nicey, the kind of Tony Blackburn DJs, didn't you?

Paul Whitehouse19:01

We'd been mucking about with these ideas for uh a couple of DJs who said things like uh fantabulous and uh pop-tastic. And and uh I remember actually trying Smashy Out on a it was a jazz program called Into the Groove. I thought I'll try it as this, you know, ridiculous DJ out of his depth in the world of jazz. So I come along and go, Hey, great little jazz, I love jazz, it really is kind of jazz mugus. And uh the jazzers got very upset. One girl came up at the end and said, Don't you ever do that again.

Presenter19:33

Spool on a bit, mid nineties, the Fast Show was created, as I understand it, for several reasons, but first of all, because it was a kind of recycling bin for characters that Hari that you created that Harry wouldn't do.

Paul Whitehouse19:44

We had offered Harry the suit new characters and he he didn't go for them at all. So we had these a few characters and ideas lurking around. The Ron Manager, isn't it? You know. Ho ho, soccer, small boys, mm, you know. A holiday home in Sri Lanka. Enduring image, isn't it? Mm, you know. Marvelous. Mm? Hm. The kids are all right, isn't it, Pete?

Speaker 119:59

Yeah.

Presenter19:59

Mm-hmm.

Paul Whitehouse20:04

Mm. Oh.

Presenter20:05

The endless interrogative that's a little bit more.

Paul Whitehouse20:07

Yes, he well, he's always asking a question. He always answers a question with a question, doesn't he? Mm, isn't it? You know, Sue. I remember Plumley. Mm, you know, marvellous. Mm, Joanna Lumley, isn't it? New Avengers. Oh. Sorry, I've completely lost myself now.

Presenter20:22

It's a

Paul Whitehouse20:25

But Harry didn't want to do it.

Presenter20:25

But Harry didn't want to do these people. No, no. So you were championing it the picture.

Paul Whitehouse20:27

No, you didn't. No, you always liked that character, actually, Harry. But there didn't seem to be a place for it. And then Charlie and I watched a compilation that Jeff Perkins had put together to show to journalists, actually, of the new series of the Harry Info show, kind of edited highlights. And we actually watched it and thought, well, actually, that's quite a good way to do a show, to present a show, cut to the quick, get out the fat, just cut to a joke or a catchphrase and get off. Hence the fast show. Except actually, when it came out, it was quite slow, I thought.

Presenter20:58

Not at the time. It fell off.

Paul Whitehouse20:58

At the time, it felt like it wasn't. Well, I suppose it was. I suppose it w it was quite what's strange, it was actually quite radical at the time. You rejuvenated the sketch show, which was falling out of the way. I don't know about that really. Maybe

Presenter21:03

Mm, rejuvenated the sketch, which was

Presenter21:07

Following the market.

Presenter21:13

But did it have what effect did it have on you? Because that then meant that you were going to carry the can, as we've been saying. You were center stage, as it were. You yours was the responsibility. You were the final arbiter. Absolutely in the headlights, weren't you?

Paul Whitehouse21:23

Yeah.

Paul Whitehouse21:26

Yeah, spotted assume.

Presenter21:27

New experience.

Paul Whitehouse21:28

Yeah.

Presenter21:28

Yeah.

Paul Whitehouse21:30

Well, yeah, it had you know, swings and roundabouts. It was a daunting thing, but I think you do have to you you know, you do learn to step back. You've got to, you've got to let it go.

Presenter21:30

Uh

Paul Whitehouse21:42

You have to we're making this song sound farty.

Presenter21:45

Oh no, it's just quite interesting actually, the analysis of it. I mean my just my feeling is that at that moment, if you like, you had finally come to terms with what you could do and with what you were going to do in life, you know.

Paul Whitehouse21:46

Interesting actually.

Paul Whitehouse21:55

Yeah, and you yeah, you're right to a certain extent, you are, and lucky it was successful then, isn't it? Yeah, it is, really. Thank God for John Peel and everyone else who got behind it.

Presenter21:59

Yeah, it is really nice.

Presenter22:03

Take care number five.

Paul Whitehouse22:04

Um record number five is a record called Carmen Miranda by Hackney Fivo, who are a

Paul Whitehouse22:12

A loose association of musicians, uh friends of mine, including actually Martin the Plastro who I've talked about earlier. He keeps cropping up. Especially someone I don't look don't give the time of day to anymore, now I'm famous.

Speaker 122:21

He's busy.

Speaker 122:25

No one favours.

Paul Whitehouse22:27

And I would also like to use this song as a tribute to the drummer John Watson who very sadly died a couple of years ago.

Speaker 122:37

There was a pulpit this morning And the fuses only fixed

Paul Whitehouse22:45

I was tired of moving the wide phone from one room to the next.

Paul Whitehouse22:52

There's been arguments with exploring

Paul Whitehouse22:56

There's been fun

Paul Whitehouse22:58

Uh

Speaker 322:59

You're only

Speaker 323:01

I'm not going anyway

Presenter23:06

Carmen Miranda by Hackney Five O. So, mister Whitehouse, no sooner was the fast show established, you know, three series, you know, midnighties, during which time you've gone to the Oxford Dictionary of Catchphrases. I never knew there was such a thing

Paul Whitehouse23:14

See you.

Paul Whitehouse23:19

No, no, no.

Presenter23:19

Record entry of twenty six, apparently. Yes. Um then you ended it. Uh you know, you stopped doing it. You you seem to have this fear of wanting to get out before you kind of go off the boil.

Paul Whitehouse23:21

And

Paul Whitehouse23:29

I would have got out after the second series.

Presenter23:31

Really?

Paul Whitehouse23:31

Well, yeah. The problem with the file show is that it it relies heavily on repetition, as you said earlier, you know, on Rolly Birkin, you know, you know what's coming, you know he's gonna say

Speaker 323:40

I'm afraid I was very drunk.

Paul Whitehouse23:42

And you know that Ken and Kenneth are going to say hello or Miss Lawley Oh do you want it, madam, do you?

Speaker 323:47

Yeah.

Paul Whitehouse23:48

Oof.

Paul Whitehouse23:49

You know, you know what's coming.

Presenter23:50

It's coming. I suppose Dick Henry did it for years, didn't he?

Paul Whitehouse23:51

I suppose Dick Henry did it for years, didn't he? Oh, you are awful. He did it for about twenty years.

Presenter23:55

But it's the reach of the people, isn't it? And and you never sort of quite got out to all of them. It just seems less.

Paul Whitehouse23:58

But it's the real

Paul Whitehouse24:02

No, I think this kind of in a in a strange way the show had a life beyond its audience, you know, in that catchphrases like suit you have found their way into into areas where people perhaps m haven't even seen the programme but know those catchphrases.

Presenter24:14

Which is why you can do live tours, which you have done. I mean, yeah.

Paul Whitehouse24:17

Yeah, so what I thought we couldn't do was another series. And instead of doing that, what we've done is we've been slightly sly and done the Odd Christmas special here, you know, and p the end of the last Fire Show ever, parts one, two and three. You see? There's a joke there somewhere.

Presenter24:21

Hmm.

Paul Whitehouse24:32

And now happiness. And y well, happiness strange that having gone to do happiness, the to retreat back to the kind of you know, mindless joy of the past year wa was fantastic. It's nice to be able to do both actually.

Presenter24:33

And now happens

Speaker 124:33

Yeah.

Presenter24:47

Excellent.

Paul Whitehouse24:50

What are you saying? It's not very popular.

Presenter24:53

Just that maybe some people are there.

Paul Whitehouse24:55

I think most people haven't seen it actually

Presenter24:58

It's a drama comedy. It's on mainstream television, and it's you.

Paul Whitehouse24:58

It's a drama.

Paul Whitehouse25:00

Yeah.

Presenter25:02

as an actor, really, isn't it? Playing playing Danny Spencer, a guy who's sort of a bit famous and um a bit sort of empty really.

Paul Whitehouse25:06

A gun

Paul Whitehouse25:08

Yeah.

Paul Whitehouse25:11

It's famous and empty. What are you what are you seein', Lake?

Presenter25:12

Yeah.

Presenter25:14

Uh

Paul Whitehouse25:14

Uh Uh

Presenter25:14

Mm.

Paul Whitehouse25:15

Listen, I've got some Caruzo in my my choice here and

Presenter25:18

No, when I say empty he can't find happiness despite the fact that he's got a bit of money, he's got freedom, you know, he can do what he likes, he can go where he likes, and yet he can't find happiness.

Paul Whitehouse25:19

What are you saying? I'm shallow and empty. Thank you.

Speaker 125:24

Uh

Paul Whitehouse25:24

Yeah.

Speaker 125:24

Uh

Paul Whitehouse25:26

Yep.

Paul Whitehouse25:29

He can do what he likes.

Paul Whitehouse25:33

Yeah. It it's quite interesting where happiness came from because a lot of people make the leap and quite understandably that it's about me.

Paul Whitehouse25:42

And to a certain extent in general terms, obviously it is, there are issues in it that are reflect on me, but quite a lot actually that don't.

Presenter25:50

What about sitting in empty churches searching for the meaning of the world? Oh, we've done that.

Paul Whitehouse25:53

Oh, I've done that. I have done that. I have done that actually, yeah. I love an empty church, me. But, you know, put a vicar in it and I'll run screaming.

Presenter26:03

Record number six.

Paul Whitehouse26:04

Number six is um it's Aretha Franklin, who I think is best um female vocalist, um quite certainly in, you know, the world of parp. Um it's sublime and I would definitely take it. It's uh say a little prayer.

Speaker 126:25

Oh man, I wake up

Speaker 126:29

For I put on my makeup

Speaker 126:36

I'm combing my hair now.

Speaker 126:40

And wondering what dress to wear now I'll say a little prayer for you.

Presenter26:49

A wreath of Lankon and I say a little prayer.

Paul Whitehouse26:52

Yeah, it's so beautiful that song and uh every time I hear it I kind of I fall in love again.

Paul Whitehouse26:58

Yeah.

Presenter26:59

There's a soppy side in the what is fascinating about Danny Spencer in happiness is.

Paul Whitehouse27:00

Absolutely.

Presenter27:05

For me, anyway, we care about him. He's wrestling with fame and sort of not quite getting it right. Is that what you're doing?

Paul Whitehouse27:13

I don't think fame is a particularly um wonderful thing in some respects, but I mean it does have uh quite pleasant side effects di in financially. I see, so you'll put up with it.

Presenter27:25

I see, so you'll put up with it?

Paul Whitehouse27:26

Well, yeah, I mean s well, I put up with it. And, you know, I g I actually get quite r reasonable responses from people in the street. You know, most people are very kind to me, you know. And if you be

Presenter27:37

And if you became a writer only, I suspect you wouldn't like it in the end any more than you don't like performing stuff you haven't written. I I suspect you wouldn't like to send your stuff out there and see somebody else doing it not as well as you might do yourself.

Paul Whitehouse27:49

Yeah, I mean I don't wanna it's not like a great announcement I'm gonna retire. I just think it would probably, you know, behove me.

Presenter27:57

And she farmers phrase.

Speaker 127:57

Yeah.

Paul Whitehouse27:58

It would behove me. My dad has never said it would behove you, Paul, in his life.

Paul Whitehouse28:05

Um but uh he um I just think it's probably slightly undignified as you get older to fall around a place and I I don't think I don't know, I could be wrong, as I said earlier, you know, I might I might I might need that that kind of response, I don't know. But filming happiness is not done before an audience, it's not like I'm sitting there, you know, ab absorbing this great love from the audience and I've never been a live performer, so I certainly don't it's not that that I hanker after.

Presenter28:34

So it will behove you what to give it up?

Paul Whitehouse28:36

Well, it might behove me not to put on a daft wig, fall over, and shout Arse

Presenter28:43

Record number seven.

Paul Whitehouse28:44

My next record is Vissidate from Tosca by Puccini, sung by Maria Callas, and uh My Mum will tell you.

Paul Whitehouse28:54

that that Tabaldi is better than Callas, and I know what she means, and there is sometimes a strange quality about Callas' voice. See, I I know what I'm talking about here, Calt. Um there's a bit of that. But as a kind of dramatic

Speaker 129:03

There you go.

Paul Whitehouse29:09

Singer, and again, the passion that you can hear is absolutely extraordinary. And so, hats off to Maria.

Speaker 129:47

Uh

Speaker 129:49

What's it?

Speaker 129:51

Here

Speaker 130:00

Uh

Speaker 130:01

Uh

Paul Whitehouse30:01

Uh Uh Oh my god.

Presenter30:16

Vicidarte, I've lived for art, I've lived for love, and I'm not sure.

Paul Whitehouse30:19

That me, a bit like me.

Presenter30:22

That was Maria Caris, not a bit like you. She was with the Orchestre de la Société. I think it was conducted by Georges Prettre, if you were a little bit more.

Paul Whitehouse30:22

Yeah.

Paul Whitehouse30:24

And she was with equal

Paul Whitehouse30:30

And I never went out as Aristotle and Arsis. Trost though.

Presenter30:35

Give me your image of White House on a desert island, then.

Paul Whitehouse30:38

I would find it pretty tricky, I think.

Paul Whitehouse30:40

Actually. Although I do like my own company, I'm very good at being on my own. I need to know that I'm not very far away from other people. But one thing I would enjoy was the fishing. I would ca I would survive, there'd be no problem there.

Presenter30:49

Hmm.

Presenter30:52

When you plaster up your little hat.

Paul Whitehouse30:54

Oh my Wattlendorb little hut would be fantastic, wouldn't it?

Presenter30:56

Yeah. What would you miss most?

Paul Whitehouse30:59

A company, I think.

Presenter31:00

Men or women

Paul Whitehouse31:02

Um both.

Paul Whitehouse31:05

Juno actually enjoy the company of both.

Presenter31:08

Let me ask if you could have three people on your desert island.

Paul Whitehouse31:08

Alright, let me ask you to a point.

Paul Whitehouse31:14

How

Presenter31:14

You know, whi which would you have two of?

Paul Whitehouse31:17

Oh women

Paul Whitehouse31:18

Yeah, I'd have two women.

Paul Whitehouse31:22

Do you know there's a fantastic

Presenter31:23

And the ma and the man would be your best friend, Martin the Plaster, right?

Paul Whitehouse31:26

It might be. It'd be somebody very practical. I a I I probably wouldn't have Martin because his his his libido probably intervene with the two women. I'd have uh somebody another one of my friends, pr and more of asexual in nature, but very practical. He could do all the work.

Presenter31:43

Okay, okay, I get the picture. Last record.

Paul Whitehouse31:46

I actually found it very difficult to, you know, to select eight.

Paul Whitehouse31:50

Tunes. I've toyed with the idea of putting some Jimi Hendrix in. I've toyed with the idea of three who are

Presenter31:56

You can't slip it in all these others. How are you choosing that?

Paul Whitehouse31:58

No, but it's very difficult, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like a bit of rock, sir. We've got a bit of soul in, I like a little bit of rock.

Presenter32:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Paul Whitehouse32:08

And and it it's there's only one band really for me in terms of uh the the greatest rock and roll band in the world as they've been describing.

Speaker 132:15

What have you chosen for?

Paul Whitehouse32:16

Mm-hmm.

Paul Whitehouse32:18

The title of the record I've chosen by The Rolling Stones is Tumbling Dice.

Paul Whitehouse32:28

Be my partner

Speaker 132:37

Oh man.

Speaker 132:38

I mean the job would be a

Speaker 132:42

Oh yeah.

Presenter32:50

The Rolling Stones and Tumbling Dice. Now, if you could only take one of those eight records, which one would you take?

Paul Whitehouse32:55

Best easy, the Rolling Stones, no question.

Presenter32:58

Not your mum.

Paul Whitehouse32:58

Um

Presenter32:59

Okay.

Paul Whitehouse33:00

Sorry mum.

Presenter33:00

What about your book? You've got the Bible, you've got complete works of Shakespeare.

Paul Whitehouse33:05

Um well, actually Sul, the work that I should like to take with me is the Koran. Ah, there's you going there, didn't you?

Paul Whitehouse33:15

Well what if I'm a Muslim? You see you offer me the Bible

Presenter33:17

Well, no, you can have the Quran instead of the Bible. Right, okay.

Paul Whitehouse33:18

The Quran is

Paul Whitehouse33:19

Right, okay. Um I well what uh it's actually kind of linked with my lu am I allowed a luxury item?

Presenter33:25

Yes.

Paul Whitehouse33:26

Okay. Could I have a piano? Yes.'Cause I can't play it.

Presenter33:29

Uh

Paul Whitehouse33:29

But I'd learn a piano.

Presenter33:29

Bye.

Paul Whitehouse33:30

I think I'll do fine with all those Shakespeare plays and sonnets and God knows what, and the Bible as well. That's enough reading material for me. I'd like a chord book, but I'd like lots of songs and arias in it as well. Is that alright? Is that okay? That's okay. That's what I'd take.

Presenter33:44

It's okay.

Presenter33:46

It's all okay. Poor Whitehouse, thank you very much indeed for letting us hear your desert island is.

Paul Whitehouse33:50

Thanks very much. Pleasure.

Speaker 133:58

You've been listening to a podcast from the Desert Island Discs Archive. For more podcasts, please visit bbc.co.uk/slash radio four.