Andy Hamilton

Speaker 20:00

Hello, I'm Kirsty Young, and this is a podcast from the Desert Island Discs Archive. For rights reasons we've had to shorten the music. The programme was originally broadcast in nineteen ninety seven, and the presenter was Sue Lawley.

Presenter0:29

Mike Castaway this week is a comedy script writer. For the past twenty years he's been a tireless backroom boy in the factory of fun, turning out jokes and scripts for radio and television. Week-ending news headlines on radio and not the nine o'clock news, Shelley and Who Dares Wins on television are just a few of the shows that have benefited from his deft sense of humour. But his big success has been Drop the Dead Donkey, which, written with co-author Guy Jenkin, has won two International Emmys and a BAFTA Award for Best Comedy. Set in a television newsroom, its appeal lies in its immediacy and many of its funniest lines are included at the last minute. Mike Castaway loves his work. Sometimes we come across as hatchet-faced joke slaves, he says, but really it is great fun. He is Andy Hamilton.

Presenter1:16

Is it great fun, Andy? I thought that making comedy was actually rather a a serious and arduous business.

Andy Hamilton1:22

It's hard work sometimes, but I'm sure it's not as hard work as uh working down a mine or in a paint factory.

Presenter1:29

You've got to keep up to speed, haven't you? I mean, whether you're writing Hard Lines or not the nine o'clock news or indeed Donkey, you know, you've got to know what's going on. You've got to be in with the latest news.

Andy Hamilton1:40

Yeah, I've never found that too much of a problem. I've always from a fairly early age, I've always enjoyed reading the papers and I've always been prepared to bore people with my opinions on current affairs. Um if you've been working on a a topical show for a long time, there's always a period when the show stops when I happily

Andy Hamilton1:58

Would rather pull my toenails out than look at a newspaper, but basically I am a sort of news bore, so it it comes fairly easily.

Presenter2:05

But there are a lot of people at it. There's a lot of competition more and more so, whether it's cartoonists in newspapers and columnists, or it's Harry Enfield or Rory Bremner, or Have I Got News for You? Everybody's looking for that kind of lateral laugh line, aren't they? The different angle on the news.

Andy Hamilton2:21

Yes, I suppose I suppose the the secret is not to not to feel trapped by that, you know, if you spend all your time

Andy Hamilton2:27

worrying about what other people might be doing, you you might find yourself getting uh rather in inhibited. And I think they come f through a sort of form of osmosis, really. You just kind of

Andy Hamilton2:39

You just kinda soak them up.

Andy Hamilton2:41

Um I was on a train in from Dorking the other day and the announcer told me

Andy Hamilton2:47

I was on the semi fast train.

Andy Hamilton2:50

Which immediately conjures up images of the meeting where somebody decided, you know, this train isn't actually a fast train, but we don't want to say it's a slow train.

Andy Hamilton3:00

Very often the inspiration comes from um

Andy Hamilton3:04

a sort of uh rather absurd and touch touching uh coalition of of the comic and and the tragic. A friend of mine, a writer friend, told me a story about how he'd had a bereavement and he was um g driving to the funeral and he was late.

Andy Hamilton3:20

and he got stuck in traffic, and the body was being laid out at the undertaker's.

Andy Hamilton3:24

And he was late, and when he got there they were about to set off for the service.

Andy Hamilton3:29

And the undertaker said to him I'm awfully sorry.

Andy Hamilton3:31

But, you know, we were running a bit late, so I'm afraid we've nailed the lid onto the coffin, and my friend heard himself saying, No, that's fine, some other time.

Andy Hamilton3:41

And I and I've often thought

Andy Hamilton3:44

That in in many ways uh i the fact that that somebody says something like that tells you far more about their state of mind and and and how upset they really are, rather than you know, if they you know, if it was a sort of serious drama, you know, that scene is somebody breaking down in tears and wailing on the coffin. But of course, um uh a lot of the sadness in life comes out in those small comic moments.

Presenter4:07

Tell me about your first record.

Andy Hamilton4:10

Right, well this is Paul Robeson singing Old Man River. The personal story behind this is I've always felt a lot of resentment towards Paul Robeson because I've always felt

Andy Hamilton4:20

That he got the voice that God should have given me. And I sing Old Man River in the shower almost every day and every day I try and start off low enough to be able to hit the top note at the end. I don't know what the the I don't know where Paul Robeson starts it. I think I tried to find the note on the piano and I think it's two octaves off the bottom end of my piano.

Speaker 44:44

I get weary and sick of trying, I'm tired of living and

Presenter5:15

Paul Robeson and Old Man River from Showboat recorded in 1932.

Presenter5:21

Uh tell me, Andy Hamilton, about Drop the Dead Donkey, the title first. It's the sort of thing news editors call out live in a gallery when you're on the television, isn't it?

Andy Hamilton5:30

Well, I don't know. I feel you should know that better than me, so I drop it.

Presenter5:32

Well it's gonna drop the skateboarding duck I think in my case. But why dead donkey?

Andy Hamilton5:34

Okay.

Andy Hamilton5:36

Well, to be to be perfectly truthful with you, it wasn't originally called.

Andy Hamilton5:42

Drop the Dead Donkey. The the first title we came up with

Andy Hamilton5:46

was Dead Belgians don't count.

Andy Hamilton5:49

um which we thought would sort of capture the gallows humour, if you like, of people who have to work every day with with the rather sort of grim currency of the news.

Andy Hamilton5:59

Channel Four, understandably, with hindsight, felt that this might jeopardise sales to Belgium.

Andy Hamilton6:06

So we didn't call it that. So then we were looking for uh something that sort of captured that that that spirit. So to be honest, I think we went through loads of titles and then we just went for something with loads of D's in it.

Presenter6:18

I suppose it's amazing really looking back on it that somebody hadn't thought of it earlier. It was a, you know, a a sitcom or a newscom waiting to be made, really. Do you remember how the idea first surfaced?

Andy Hamilton6:29

Well, neither me nor Guy Jenkin, my partner, can remember who had the idea. We certainly had been talking about for a while doing an office comedy that we felt captured

Andy Hamilton6:43

uh office life a bit more. We we hadn't seen really maybe since the rag trade anything about people at work. At that time there hadn't been a lot of stuff about people at work.

Presenter6:55

But as it turned out it was a very rich scene because you also got and how did you know that um male and female news presenters argue over who's who's going to say good evening and good night, for example.

Andy Hamilton7:04

Right. Yes.

Presenter7:05

Yeah. Did you have a mold? Did you research?

Andy Hamilton7:07

And having

Presenter7:07

Does somebody tell you that these things go on?

Andy Hamilton7:09

No, we did one day at the BBC and no, we didn't have any moles. You hear kind of apocryphal stories that sort of g you know, you suspect have been sort of Chinese whispered into into something else.

Presenter7:09

Uh

Andy Hamilton7:23

But fundamentally we did a day at the BBC at their meetings and stuff, and that really that day did confirm how much like any other office that the the place was.

Presenter7:35

Yes, but you have on occasions put your finger on on a spot, haven't you? I'm uh for example, the planting I think it was Damien, the unprincipled reporter, who planted the the bloodstained teddy bear uh on the site of a disaster. I mean, that has happened. It has to be said, not not done by a a British based news agency, but it has actually happened, hasn't it?

Andy Hamilton7:52

Maybe.

Andy Hamilton7:55

I think

Presenter7:55

They say

Andy Hamilton7:57

Uh

Presenter7:57

Oh, did you mean

Andy Hamilton7:58

Well, I s i it it is interesting that that taking that example, that that was in one of the very early episodes, was that Damien had his bloodstained teddy bear confiscated and there was a little montage. They'd assembled the clips where suspiciously this teddy bear had appeared in the rubble of earthquakes and you know and it was amazing how after that it was hard to take seriously those those

Andy Hamilton8:23

shots that you often get after disasters, that you always I think quite a lot of them, you always thought, there's something not quite right about this. You know, the like the solitary plimp soul in the middle of the road. And

Speaker 28:31

Yeah.

Andy Hamilton8:36

I suppose, um, uh m me and guy had, um

Andy Hamilton8:41

We'd sort of written sketches about this area of where where the line is, you know, where where somehow

Andy Hamilton8:48

you know, the ritual presentation of it is asked to sort of

Presenter8:50

So there was some serious intent you intended to comment on on news value?

Andy Hamilton8:55

Well, there is a serious comment in there, although it's done through the vein of black humour and through character, of course. And the thing about Damien is that although he's amoral and ruthless, what's funny about him is that he can't see the problem.

Presenter9:09

Uh Yeah.

Andy Hamilton9:09

And that's what the audience responds to at a primary level. They're responding to the character.

Presenter9:14

Record number two.

Andy Hamilton9:15

Right, well, this is National Brotherhood Week by Tom Leara.

Andy Hamilton9:20

And I just love Tom Leara. I particularly love his patter between the songs. Um he seemed to have just stopped performing at at some point in the late sixties I think it was, I'm not sure, which I think is a great shame, but um and I like this song'cause it's an attack on on marketing.

Speaker 49:40

Oh the white folks hate the black folks and the black folks hate the white folks To hate all but the right folks is an old established rule But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week, Lena Horn and Sheriff Clark are dancing cheek to cheek It's fun to eulogize the people you despise As long as you don't let them in your school

Presenter10:07

National Brotherhood Week by Tom Lehrer from the television show That Was the Year That Was and that was recorded in 1965. It's pretty vicious stuff, isn't it?

Andy Hamilton10:16

Yes, but

Andy Hamilton10:17

I love his style. I love I love the the way he delivers his uh jokes in in that pattern. It's just a wonderful relax, not trying too hard.

Presenter10:28

Let's talk about Andy Hamilton, the man, not the work. Born and bred in Fulham, South West London, a product of the local grammar school and Downing College, Cambridge. Were you always going to be a writer or a funny man or both? Could it have been spotted early on in your life, do you think?

Andy Hamilton10:42

I I did, you know, I I was encouraged to write at my at my secondary school, uh, Westminster City, and there were teachers there.

Andy Hamilton10:52

particularly in the English department. I remember there was one teacher, Mike Huffam, who was, you know, always encouraging me to write. But I didn't do much performing. I did the odd Granny in productions of Caucasian Chalk Circle. But uh

Andy Hamilton11:07

I didn't really have a perception of um

Andy Hamilton11:09

of that being a a chosen career.

Presenter11:12

You were teased a lot, weren't you?

Andy Hamilton11:14

No.

Presenter11:14

I read that you said you were the second smallest boy in the school. All that one makes one think, of course, is who on earth was the first or the smallest.

Andy Hamilton11:20

Right. Yeah. Uh I was small. What I can't pretend is that, you know, I I certainly it I didn't develop humor as a defence against. I wasn't bullied, but I was short. There's no two ways. And still am.

Presenter11:35

But you'd apparently been quite protected as a child,'cause you were quite quite a sickly boy or something, weren't you?

Andy Hamilton11:41

I managed in the womb to to manage to grow two thumbs on one hand, which is a good trick if you can do it, uh and not to be attempted by anyone listening at home. And I was I was a bit weedy, which is actually a pretty good deal, I think, for a younger brother, because

Andy Hamilton11:57

It means you get showered with a lot of affection.

Andy Hamilton12:01

and a lot of attention and the slightest achievement gets encouraged and applauded. So I think with hindsight, I probably got a pretty good deal out of that because

Presenter12:12

You were spoiled rotten, basically.

Andy Hamilton12:13

I I I expect I was, yeah. But of course it's quite good for your self confidence, you know, if people are constantly congratulating you on managing to get out of bed, basically. But having said that, I got it all out of the way in the sort of nought to four years and uh been very hail and hearty since.

Presenter12:32

Record number three.

Andy Hamilton12:34

This is maybe a bizarre choice for someone who can't swim and has never been to California and has never even held a surfboard, but for some reason I've always identified with the Beach Boys. I think I always associate Beach Boys songs with sort of school holidays and time off and and uh stuff like that.

Speaker 412:57

What's gotta jump these, what's gotta jump these See how the mainsails See how the main sails All for the captain ashore, let me go

Speaker 413:09

Let me go

Speaker 413:12

Home, let me go, home the jumping slip feels so broke up.

Presenter13:25

Beach Boys and Sloop John B. So nineteen seventy four you got a scholarship to Cambridge, Andy, um and the intake was still pretty much dominated by public schoolboys and you didn't like it.

Andy Hamilton13:37

And

Andy Hamilton13:38

At Downing College, the college that that I applied to, I applied because Downing had a great reputation.

Andy Hamilton13:46

because of F. R. Levis, uh for for English the study of English literature. But then foolishly I took uh a year off.

Andy Hamilton13:54

And when we got there, they'd sort of sacked the English department, and there were only, I think it was five English students in the intake that year.

Andy Hamilton14:04

It did seem like there'd been a shift in emphasis towards the law department. And I made some really good friends in that first year. But it's fair to say that I did spend a lot of time

Andy Hamilton14:17

Trying to wind up public schoolboys.

Andy Hamilton14:20

Um I think what was a shock

Andy Hamilton14:23

Was discovering, and I don't know whether the same still applies, but hearing conversations where

Andy Hamilton14:30

Uh students of law in their first year.

Andy Hamilton14:34

were discussing the places they'd already been promised in firms and stuff like that. And I think um

Andy Hamilton14:40

You know, I think it brought out the Dave Spart in me a little bit.

Presenter14:43

And then you found a natural home for yourself eventually, didn't you? In something called Kules. Let's just tell me well.

Andy Hamilton14:50

Hmm. It's the Cambridge University Light Entertainment Society.

Presenter14:54

Quite different from footlights.

Andy Hamilton14:54

Quite different

Andy Hamilton14:56

Yes, different from Footlights in as much as that really Kuls existed to do shows for prisons, old people's homes, children's homes, hospitals, anyone who couldn't get away, basically. It was a great experience.

Andy Hamilton15:12

Some of the experiences were quite bizarre, I remember.

Andy Hamilton15:16

Appearing in my underpants in front of three hundred very tough Scottish Borstall boys.

Andy Hamilton15:24

And

Andy Hamilton15:25

The heckling and ridicule went on so long it was about four minutes before I could get my first line out.

Andy Hamilton15:33

And I think that was probably the moment when I decided to be a writer, to be honest, looking back. But it was great fun, and it really.

Andy Hamilton15:40

Yeah, it really enlivened my time there because it it gave me a a much more positive outlook and uh

Andy Hamilton15:46

And I made some very strong friendships and um

Andy Hamilton15:49

And realistically, of course, that would have been where I started.

Andy Hamilton15:53

Started writing.

Presenter15:54

Record number four.

Andy Hamilton15:56

Well

Andy Hamilton15:58

Can I just apologise to the nation before you play this, because this is an awful song.

Andy Hamilton16:03

It's Blue is the Colour by Chelsea Football Club. It was between this and a bit of Verdi, but I in the end I decided I had to go for this because I'm genetically afflicted with being a Chelsea fan.

Andy Hamilton16:18

The the home I grew up in was is two minutes walk from

Andy Hamilton16:23

Chelsea Football Club and you know one of my earliest memories is the sound of sixty thousand people going ooh as Chelsea miss a chance and I went from a very early age.

Speaker 416:36

It is the common

Speaker 416:43

Winning is a rain, so cheer us on through the sun and rain.

Speaker 416:50

Cause jumps me, chelsea is

Presenter16:53

Chelsea football club singing Blue is the colour. You wrote a film, of course, about um footballing, Eleven Men Against Eleven, a couple of years ago, all about backhanders and bungs and

Presenter17:04

Topical things like that. Is it quite different writing a a a film from a weekly television programme?

Andy Hamilton17:10

Yes, I mean it it is very different. But that fundamental question of uh is this going on too long? You know, which you apply to scenes or to moments in a drama, is is is essentially the same question that you have to ask yourself

Speaker 217:24

The

Andy Hamilton17:26

When you start out writing on weekending.

Andy Hamilton17:28

You know, has this got a point to it? Is it moving forward? It's fundamentally the same question.

Presenter17:35

So you came out of Cambridge and into radio into weekending. How how did it happen? Who gave you the break?

Andy Hamilton17:42

The opportunity was provided for me by um a man called Jeffrey Perkins, who is now head of comedy at uh BBC Television.

Andy Hamilton17:51

And he saw a show that we'd taken up to Edinburgh, which I'd written a lot of the material for.

Andy Hamilton17:58

And he came sort of backstage afterwards and said, why didn't I go along and attend the

Andy Hamilton18:03

the big meetings they have are sort of outside

Andy Hamilton18:06

uh writers where you just try and try and get staff on. You only got paid if you got staff on to begin with.

Presenter18:12

How much?

Andy Hamilton18:14

Well, I remember my first commission was a two minute commission at two pound a minute.

Andy Hamilton18:19

I'm starting to sound like some dreadful old codger now, you know.

Presenter18:22

You are

Andy Hamilton18:22

Oh, we had it hard in our day.

Andy Hamilton18:25

It was a lot of money in those days, but you got repeats. And of course if you got more than two minutes on, you got paid. But I was on four pound a week minimum fairly early on.

Presenter18:36

And then you started doing news headlines as well, not long after that. And people always said that was a very happy show to work on.

Andy Hamilton18:42

Yeah, it is it is. I'm sure it still is, primarily because Roy Hudd creates an environment that is a happy environment. A lot of writers who who move on to sort of m maybe more high profile programs

Andy Hamilton18:56

have to tear themselves away from headlines a bit'cause it was a great

Andy Hamilton18:59

Familial atmosphere and I learnt a lot, and it was great fun.

Presenter19:03

Tell me about record number five.

Andy Hamilton19:05

Well this is Tracy Chapman, and this I've chosen uh purely'cause I I just love her voice.

Speaker 419:12

But you can say baby

Speaker 419:17

Baby, can I hold you tonight?

Speaker 419:23

Maybe if I know you the right word

Speaker 419:29

But the right time

Presenter19:35

Tracy Chapman and Baby Can I Hold You. So you translated into television, Andy. You went to work on Not the Nine O'Clock News in late seventies, early eighties, and then via Shelley, a a sitcom for I T V, you arrived at Who Dares Wins, a late night uh comedy review for Channel Four. That that must have been quite a hairy show. It was very controversial, wasn't it?

Andy Hamilton19:57

Well, I ended up on Write to Reply a few times. I was the uh co-producer with Denise O'Donoghue, who who is one of the founders of Hat Trek, and we co-produced this show.

Andy Hamilton20:09

Which is a late night show, um

Andy Hamilton20:12

We did a lot of material in all the shows, a very packed, very dense show.

Andy Hamilton20:17

We didn't deliberately jump across any lines, I think one of the misconceptions.

Andy Hamilton20:22

about the show then, and it probably afflicts, you know, so called controversial comedy shows now, is that I think among some people there's an assumption that you are deliberately being naughty, that you are deliberately going out there to to provoke a response. We di we didn't do that.

Presenter20:38

But some people perceived it as offensive. Yeah.

Andy Hamilton20:40

Yeah, well I

Presenter20:42

Jesus Christ, for example.

Andy Hamilton20:43

Yes, yes. Well, that's true. I mean, um again we were we were operating uh late night on channel four.

Andy Hamilton20:51

But it

Presenter20:51

But even some of the board members of Channel Four threatened to resign, didn't they?

Andy Hamilton20:55

Well, that's what that's what we were told, yes, and we were we were given a minder.

Andy Hamilton21:00

A very nice man. Very, very fine broadcaster called John Gow. But did you?

Presenter21:04

But did you consider yourselves brave? I mean, you're right, people sometimes sense that that people who create these shows set out to shock.

Speaker 421:13

Uh

Andy Hamilton21:13

Uh

Presenter21:14

You don't probably necessarily, but at the same time you've got to be quite brave because you know this is going to challenge people, don't you?

Andy Hamilton21:21

I think a lot of the m the most interesting comic ideas that excited us most operate in the sort of grey area that you you enter into as you approach the margins.

Andy Hamilton21:32

It's true of Faulty Towers, it's true of a lot of strong comedy programmes and you know, there are there is cruelty in some comedy and I mean there's many different shades of comedy and some of them are quite dark and if you're gonna eradicate them you you'll make you you might neuter it.

Presenter21:47

But obviously this this sending up of the news, which certainly Drop the Dead Donkey has done obviously, and Have I Got News for You and The Day to Day and Now Brass Eye, which which actually is a it's a kind of candid camera of news satire, isn't it?

Andy Hamilton22:01

Uh

Presenter22:04

Um

Presenter22:04

has exploited it's been a very rich scene. Do you think it's exhausted now, or is there always something more to do?

Andy Hamilton22:11

I think what probably has given rise to successive generations of these kinds of programmes is the fact that the way news is presented is being constantly reinvented. And now with the commercial pressures on the news and twenty four hour news and

Andy Hamilton22:27

Because that volume of material keeps increasing.

Andy Hamilton22:32

Inevitably what it triggers is more ideas that lampoon it, or satirize it, or spin out of it.

Presenter22:38

Back for number six.

Andy Hamilton22:40

Can I just say that this is not the finest song ever written in the history of the world either, but um it's a song that I associate, funnily enough, with working on primarily on on Who Dares Wins because I shared an office with Denise O'Donoghue and I have a very irritating habit

Andy Hamilton22:57

of singing the opening snatches of songs. And I sang this one constantly for about three years and drove her to the point of insanity. I also did that to my wife.

Andy Hamilton23:09

In fact, so much so that when we got married we had an informal

Andy Hamilton23:12

wedding ceremony where where we had to exchange vows about the things we wouldn't do.

Andy Hamilton23:17

to each other and and one of my vows was that I wouldn't sing this song.

Speaker 423:22

Uptown girl, she's been living in her Uptown world. I bet she never had a backstraight guy.

Speaker 423:31

I bet her mama never told her about

Speaker 423:35

On the trial and up to

Speaker 423:39

She's been living in her white gray world As long as anyone would hot a champ And now she's looking for a downtown

Presenter23:52

Uptown Girl by Billy Joel. You mentioned Hat-Trick, the independent production company, which you're very much part of. It's been one of the great success stories, hasn't it, of independent production? And comedy, unlike factual programming, is very unpredictable, but it's had Whose Line Is It Anywhere? Drop the Dead Donkey, Clive Anderson, These Days, Confessions. What's the trick, do you think? Why has it been so successful?

Andy Hamilton24:18

Well

Andy Hamilton24:20

I mean I'm sure it's a synthesis of of all sorts of reasons, but I think the fundamental misconception that some people have about Hat-Trick is that it's a thrusting place full of dynamic people, you know, i i in in sharp suits. In fact, it's the opposite. I mean it reminds me very much of the radio light entertainment corridor where I first started work. There's a culture of people strolling in and out of each other's offices and chatting about ideas and stuff like that.

Presenter24:48

As opposed to sending each other emails, huh?

Andy Hamilton24:50

Quite. And I and I and I think one of the secrets uh to

Andy Hamilton24:55

people sort of innovating or or coming up with new programs and and launching them successfully.

Andy Hamilton25:00

is you need a reasonably stable environment to do it in.

Andy Hamilton25:04

Because that takes a lot of the fear out of it and and it gives you the confidence to experiment and things like that. I think, um.

Andy Hamilton25:12

Particularly in television at the moment. The infra the sands of the are moving all the time.

Andy Hamilton25:19

you know, people don't seem to stay in the same job more than sort of thirty minutes. And because there isn't that kind of stability, I think it's harder for people

Andy Hamilton25:29

to take creative risks successfully.

Presenter25:32

And do you think that's particularly hard as far as comedy and light entertainment is concerned? Because as we said at the beginning, it's actually quite a serious business.

Andy Hamilton25:40

Yes, well comedy is delicate, that's the trouble. It's a really delicate flower. If a writer writes a drama about a very worthy serious subject.

Andy Hamilton25:48

The most violent response they'll get is hmm, it was a bit long, it was a bit dull.

Andy Hamilton25:54

Bit boring.

Andy Hamilton25:56

But of course with a comedy, the response that people get is if it fails is well, it's just not funny. It was just it was just far more hurtful, to be honest. It means total failure. It means, you know, it it's it it it does not exist comically in a sense.

Presenter26:02

Uh

Presenter26:05

Well does your favorite thing?

Andy Hamilton26:12

So again, having a background environment that is stable is really important.

Presenter26:18

You're making um another film for Channel 4 at the moment.

Andy Hamilton26:22

It's yeah, it's well, it's a cereal actually. It's a cereal, which is a six one hours.

Presenter26:27

But you're obviously enjoying writing more long form stuff, as it were, than the the

Andy Hamilton26:32

Yes. I mean, to to to be honest, topical writing, uh, topical comedy writing is probably a young man's game, I think, because it requires levels of sort of creative energy and stamina and

Andy Hamilton26:45

the kind of staying up late into the night and writing and the kind of things that actually don't fit terribly well with being forty two with three kids, you know, so I think I've got to pace myself a bit now and

Andy Hamilton26:57

I'll probably be doing an antiques road show in about five years' time, I think.

Presenter27:02

Number seven.

Andy Hamilton27:04

Number seven is a Scottish song and I've chosen this because my wife's family, my wife's father was from Scotland.

Andy Hamilton27:13

And I love the Highlands, even though...

Andy Hamilton27:16

As a Hamilton of course it's quite possible that my forebears spent all their time going around the Highlands massacring the inhabitants.

Speaker 427:26

Last year,

Speaker 427:29

And we'll all go together.

Speaker 427:35

To the Wild Mountain Tide

Speaker 427:41

All around the boom and heather

Speaker 427:46

Will ye go, Lassie, ye go?

Presenter27:52

Glenfray and Wild Mountain Time, which, despite its Scottish origins, was recorded in the Stadium Dublin. Um H how do you imagine yourself in Robinson Crusoe mode, Andy? Do you do you think you could hack it?

Andy Hamilton28:07

No, I think I'd die. See, I think I'd starve. I mean, you're talking to a man who if you left him alone in his own house would probably starve. I'm not a very self-sufficient person, so.

Presenter28:19

No hut building.

Andy Hamilton28:20

No, I don't think it's a good idea.

Presenter28:20

I don't think it's.

Andy Hamilton28:23

No, I think I can definitely say that if you left me on a desert island

Andy Hamilton28:27

I wouldn't be very improvisatory.

Presenter28:29

But you wouldn't even have the guts to try and escape.

Andy Hamilton28:31

Well the only way it would work I mean going back to the hut if the trees came with instructions on how to make a hut.

Andy Hamilton28:38

I might possibly chance a stab at it. But uh trying to escape but that would that would involve making something, wouldn't it? I can't swim.

Andy Hamilton28:48

Um so there aren't really many alternatives. I I'd probably carve help in the sand.

Andy Hamilton28:55

and cash in on my writing skills. Uh but that's about it I think.

Presenter28:59

Last record.

Andy Hamilton29:01

I'm one of those reluctant dancers, you know, who who lolls around on the margins of a dance floor.

Andy Hamilton29:07

Waiting for the song that you can get up and and thrash around to and generally look a bit stupid. And this is a song that I've found usually gets me on my feet.

Presenter29:42

Martha and the Vandelas and Dancing in the Street. So, if you could only take one of the eight records, Andy, which one is it?

Andy Hamilton29:49

That's always a a hard call.

Andy Hamilton29:52

I think I'll probably take the Beach Boys, actually.

Presenter29:55

Sloop John B.

Andy Hamilton29:56

Yes.

Presenter29:57

Well that's fairly appropriate, isn't it?

Andy Hamilton29:58

I couldn't do it as a round, you know, we sing it with the boys in the bath as a round. I'd have to sing it on my own, but uh yeah, sing along to it on my own, but it's a sort of beachy.

Andy Hamilton30:07

kind of thing, isn't it? I think that's the one I'll probably take.

Presenter30:09

What about your book?

Presenter30:11

Bible and Shakespeare are there.

Andy Hamilton30:13

Well, the book I'd take probably is a book I've never finished.

Andy Hamilton30:16

called The Physics of Immortality by a a scientist called Tipler. Um and I've started this book many times now and it seems to me that if I was on a desert island that you know I'd probably have nothing else to do but finish it. It's a book where he he argues, I think, because I haven't got to the end yet, he argues that uh ultimately man will achieve such a state of technological grace that that we'll be able to summon up

Andy Hamilton30:44

moments from the past. So, you know, I I can be

Andy Hamilton30:47

Reincarnated singing Paul Robeson in the shower.

Andy Hamilton30:51

So I think that's the book I'd take and I'd try to get to the end.

Presenter30:54

And what about your luxury?

Andy Hamilton30:55

I think I'll take a ball.

Andy Hamilton30:58

A a ball, yeah. On the basis that then

Presenter31:01

Any old ball?

Andy Hamilton31:01

Probably a football, so that while I'm I'm waiting to starve to death I can at least have a bit of a kickabout and sort of keep myself amused. I've always been very happy playing with the ball, so that's probably what I'd take.

Presenter31:14

Andy Hamilton, thank you very much indeed for letting us hear your Desert Island discs.

Andy Hamilton31:18

Okay.

Speaker 231:26

You've been listening to a podcast from the Desert Islandists archive. For more podcasts, please visit bbc.co. uk slash radio four.