Robbie Coltrane

Speaker 20:00

Hello, I'm Kirsty Young, and this is a podcast from the Desert Island Discs Archive. For rights reasons, we've had to shorten the music.

Speaker 20:08

The programme was originally broadcast in nineteen ninety two, and the presenter was Sue Lawley.

Presenter0:31

My Castaway this week is a comic actor. A patriotic Scot and a committed Socialist, he grew up in a middle class Glasgow family. He went to a public school, which he didn't like, and then to art school, which he did.

Presenter0:43

He first became noticed in the early eighties as one of the new breed of comic performers whose anarchic humour characterized television programmes such as The Comic Strip, The Young Ones and Saturday Night Live. But it wasn't until the BBC series Toottie Frutti in 1987 that he achieved fame in his own right. Although these days he has to be tempted away from his beloved Scotland, his reputation is now international. One of his most recent films, Nuns on the Run, has played successfully on both sides of the Atlantic. He is, of course, Robbie Coltrane. I was very careful there, Robbie, to describe you as a comic actor, not as a comedian. You make a very strong differentiation between the two, don't you?

Robbie Coltrane1:22

Well, it's it's not really because uh of any sort of snobbery or because I think being a comic actor is any better a craft than being a comedian, but I th I just think that being a comedian is such a different thing really. A comedian really is somebody who

Robbie Coltrane1:35

stands up alone on the stage and offers the world his sensibility, which is an enormously brave thing to do. And I get up on the stage and hide behind sensibilities that are usually written by other people. And I think it's a fair distinction.

Presenter1:46

But then you you've got people like Lenny Henry and John Sessions um and Ben Elton, I suppose. They are people who have stand-up acts but who also act.

Robbie Coltrane1:49

Yeah.

Robbie Coltrane1:52

Yeah.

Robbie Coltrane1:54

Yeah.

Robbie Coltrane1:55

Well, they came from different roots. They came from stand-up roots and cabaret and became actors. Whereas I started off as an actor and uh

Robbie Coltrane2:04

degenerate it into a comedian because usually quite different.

Presenter2:06

So you do you not like doing a stand-up routine? I mean do you have one?

Robbie Coltrane2:06

Do you not

Robbie Coltrane2:09

I tried on occasions with um uh various degrees of disaster, as you might say, but never no, never it's never really appealed to me. I think it's a fiercely brave thing to do.

Presenter2:19

Do you suffer when you work? I read somewhere that your sister said sh'cause she knows you so well, obviously, that she could see the the anguish behind the mask, as it were.

Robbie Coltrane2:27

I get well, I get very nervous. I think all performers do, get very, very nervous before they perform.

Robbie Coltrane2:33

you have these terrible sort of nightmares about what might happen and of course anything could happen.

Presenter2:37

Well, not if you've got a script and you know what you're doing you've rehearsed.

Robbie Coltrane2:40

Well it's the know what you're doing bit that's the problem.

Robbie Coltrane2:44

There's always the possibility you're going to completely forget what you're doing. It does happen. I mean, it happened to Olivier, for goodness sake, so it can happen to the rest of us.

Presenter2:50

So to business, what what's the first record you'll play on your desert island?

Robbie Coltrane2:54

The first one is is um Sheep May Safely Graze. That this is the piano arrangement. And my mum, who's a uh a pianist, used to play it when I was wee and I can remember crawling around under the old Bestein and the that wonderful noise. Most people don't realize that you actually get the best noise out of a grand piano if you lie underneath it. Most people have to wait till they're about twenty-five and uh the worst for wear at New Year to discover this, but uh I was lucky enough to discover it when I was quite wee and this is a piece that my mum used to play a lot.

Presenter4:19

Part of Bach's Sheep May Safely Graze from Cantata Number two oh eight, played by John Ogden and Brenda Lucas, and a reminder for Robbie Coltrane of his Glasgow childhood. Was your mother a professional pianist?

Robbie Coltrane4:31

Yeah, she was a professional musician and uh but she sort of gave it up to

Robbie Coltrane4:36

To have us lot.

Presenter4:37

What did your dad do?

Robbie Coltrane4:38

He was a doctor as a gp.

Presenter4:41

And it was a

Robbie Coltrane4:41

And it was a police surgeon.

Presenter4:42

Very conventional middle class Glasgow family, as I understand.

Robbie Coltrane4:46

Sort of, yes. I wouldn't well, certainly my dad wasn't a conventional guy. I think he could have been he could have been a an end of the peer comic if he'd wanted to be.

Presenter4:53

But is that where you get it from?

Robbie Coltrane4:54

Um, I suspect so. My mother's also very funny in a in a more sort of dry, sort of um Chick Murray kind of way.

Presenter5:01

So do I mean, were you always funny? How how can you answer this? But did you crease them up as a child? Are you known as the family jokes?

Robbie Coltrane5:07

I'm afraid so. Yes, uh certainly my sister Annie will tell you that.

Robbie Coltrane5:11

Uh I don't remember being funny. You don't remember that sort of thing about being young. I mean, I I remember laughing tremendously, I can always remember the treat was to be able to stay up to listen to Hancock on the radio. I always loved listening to comedy and Bilco, of course, came over the Atlantic when I was a boy.

Presenter5:27

And it was a close family, was it? You had brothers and sisters?

Robbie Coltrane5:30

Uh two sisters, yes, one of whom is no longer with us. Jane died when she was twenty-one.

Robbie Coltrane5:35

But my older sister.

Robbie Coltrane5:36

Still about, I'm glad to say.

Presenter5:38

And what did your parents expect of you then, this this chap who made everybody laugh? What did they think you were going to do with yourself?

Robbie Coltrane5:46

I don't know, really. I suppose they expected me to do something respectable, like be a lawyer or something like that.

Presenter5:51

But did you concentrate at school or were you always concentrated?

Robbie Coltrane5:53

No, I was the boy who was always looking out the window, I'm afraid. Except for.

Robbie Coltrane5:58

Drama and art and music, I loved it, I played the the trumpet at school in the orchestra.

Robbie Coltrane6:03

A fine exhibitionist's instrument, of course.

Presenter6:06

But you went to a very smart school. Your parents spent a lot of money.

Robbie Coltrane6:07

Very post.

Presenter6:10

Called what?

Robbie Coltrane6:12

Glen Armand. Uh it was it was started as a school for the sons of the um Episcopalian Church in Scotland. So we no Scottish history at all. We were in a a little sort of

Robbie Coltrane6:23

bubble of Englishness in the middle of the Highlands. It was very, very peculiar.

Presenter6:26

But it didn't do much for you.

Robbie Coltrane6:26

And we all talk like that, of course.

Presenter6:28

How did you

Robbie Coltrane6:28

Oh yes, everyone if you didn't talk like that, you're in big trouble. And then of course I I left there and uh went to art school. Everybody talked like that and she was fondled right up there.

Presenter6:38

So what did you do? Um they were at the age of eighteen in, what, nineteen sixty eight, fresh out of Glenarmon.

Robbie Coltrane6:44

Mm-hmm.

Presenter6:45

Um, where were you determined to go in life? How did you imagine yourself?

Robbie Coltrane6:48

Well, I d I sort of wanted to go to drama school, but I I I had this kind of

Robbie Coltrane6:54

I suppose old fashioned Glasgow macho idea that uh drama school would be full of jessies in tights and uh I wasn't far wrong. No, uh uh art school in the sixties really was the the center of all sorts of energy, not just painting, um a lot of bands and comedians and

Robbie Coltrane7:12

Neardo wells of every description hung around art school, so naturally I was attracted.

Presenter7:16

Record number two.

Robbie Coltrane7:17

Record number two Louis Armstrong

Robbie Coltrane7:20

This is the hot five or the hot seven, I'm not sure which, but I remember I heard him first when I was about thirteen, I think, and it was the first time I'd ever heard anybody improvising. I everything before that had been written down and

Robbie Coltrane7:32

There was a lot of really terrible pop music about the Rolling Stones were the only people I liked, and subsequently I discovered, of course, they were playing black music, but I was very young and didn't know that. And uh I heard Armstrong playing and just thought it was just I can remember the feeling of first listening to somebody improvising and thinking it was just magic.

Presenter8:21

Louis Armstrong and When You're Smiling. Louis Armstrong, who's a the hero of My Castaway, Robbie Coltrane. Who else was a hero, Robbie?

Robbie Coltrane8:28

Well, Louis musically obviously Orson Welles I suppose is one of my all-time heroes. I just I just liked everything he did really.

Robbie Coltrane8:36

Uh

Presenter8:36

Didn't affiliate with the shared

Robbie Coltrane8:36

Didn't affiliate.

Presenter8:38

Didn't a film critic once compare you to him and made your day, if not your life?

Robbie Coltrane8:42

It was Pauline Kahl, no no less, God bless her. That was her last review for The New Yorker. She just gave up.

Robbie Coltrane8:50

I think really she meant the size and the voice. But uh, you know, you could do a lot worse.

Presenter8:56

She was reviewing Perfectly Normal.

Robbie Coltrane8:57

That's right.

Presenter8:58

Yeah.

Presenter8:59

And Marlon Brendo was a hero, wasn't he? Yes.

Robbie Coltrane9:01

Yeah, still is really. I mean in the I I remember seeing a double bill of the wild one and on the waterfront and thinking acting need not necessarily be a a a daft jessie thing to do. Because he always had that great sort of warrior poet sort of quality about him. You know he had that kind of sensitivity which of course attracts you when you're here in adolescence. You think, yes, he understands what it is to be young and confused, but if you got out of line he'd he'd smack you one, you know, which for me is the perfect combination.

Presenter9:27

So the ambition obviously to perform was there when you were at Glasgow Art School. You did review and that kind of thing.

Robbie Coltrane9:33

Did review and did some comedy stuff, did some some thoroughbred when I was there, which I enjoyed.

Presenter9:38

But when did you actually make the kind of the big leap into deciding that you could charge people to sell it?

Robbie Coltrane9:43

Well, that is the lead. That's the quantum lead when you know, when you demand people expect people to put their coat on and come out and sit down and listen. I suppose in the sort of mid seventies really, I joined a company, the San Quentin Theatre Workshop, who had started in San Quentin Prison.

Robbie Coltrane10:01

Very naughty boys indeed. And I think my sister fixed it up. They were looking for somebody who could play an American Heavy. And um English actors usually have terrible trouble playing Americans and doing the accent.

Robbie Coltrane10:11

So I I think I was doing my Marlon Brown impersonation in a bar and this fellow said, How would you like to do that for six nights a week and get paid for it? And I thought, Aye, that'll do beef Um so it w it wasn't really uh planned at all.

Presenter10:24

What happened then to the workshop? Because you ended up, nevertheless, on the dole, didn't you?

Robbie Coltrane10:29

I did. Well, they Rick Clatchy, who ran it, went off to work with Sam Be Beckett in Paris, which I would have dearly loved to do, but uh, you know, my French is not so good.

Robbie Coltrane10:40

So I sort of footed about in Edinburgh for quite a lot of time. I I rebuilt old motor cars, I had a weed company buying and selling old I mean, vintage pre-war British cars. I did a lot of voiceovers, and then I went to work at the Traverse and did John Byrne Slab Boys, and that was really my first break.

Robbie Coltrane10:58

Insofar as um everything that was done at the Travers in the seventies got a lot of critical attention because it was it was you know it was one of the centres of of British drama, certainly new British drama.

Presenter11:09

But you're on the dough quite a bit as well.

Robbie Coltrane11:11

I was on the dull, I was uh I was that soldier.

Robbie Coltrane11:14

Yes, I worked in building sites and um

Robbie Coltrane11:17

Uh I've done most horrible jobs, went down sewers and uh

Robbie Coltrane11:21

Going through the motions as they say. It's all good life experience, though.

Presenter11:25

It's all a good life experience though. I i is this when you became politically aware? Again, every time one reads about you there's the phrase attached to community social

Robbie Coltrane11:33

Well, they decluded. It's really just that most people in the public eye, and actors particular, seem determined to come across as the most bland person you ever met at an interview and and never take on anything that might be noted as controversial. And I've always just answered honestly when they asked me that sort of question.

Presenter11:56

So do do you use your views in your work when you're writing

Robbie Coltrane11:59

Well, I s I think, I mean, all you know, old Picasso said that all art is propaganda for the self, so obviously your political views get involved in that as well.

Presenter12:06

Record number three.

Robbie Coltrane12:08

Oh yes, the Harry Lime theme.

Presenter12:39

The Harry Lyme theme written and played by Anton Karas.

Presenter12:43

So let's get back into your career. As we were saying, the 70s were hard work, but not particularly professionally successful.

Robbie Coltrane12:50

Not rewarding, no.

Presenter12:51

Not quite. Um but it was really in the eighties, the beginning of the eighties that you entered into that clutch of kind of anarchic comedians from Ricky Male and Rowan Atkinson and Nigel Planer and

Robbie Coltrane13:00

Rick Bayley.

Robbie Coltrane13:02

Nigel Klaner and I'm not sure. Well, I first met Rick on a show called Eighty One Take Two, which is a review of 1981, which was Colin Gilbert, who has subsequently become the godfather of comedy, certainly in Scotland. And he was working on Not Nine O'Clock News at the time. And he's one of those people who has a completely encyclopedic knowledge and memory of comedy, of course, because Jemmy Gilbert is dad and so on. And he sort of I think he saw me in Slideboys or something like that and decided could I do telly? And I did. I enjoyed it immensely. I thought, oh, yes.

Presenter13:37

But what you don't, didn't, don't have in common with all of those people is age. You're a lot older than all of them.

Robbie Coltrane13:44

Yes, I'm the grand old man with alternative commodeur.

Presenter13:47

All right. I mean, they're what they're now round about

Presenter13:50

Thirty.

Robbie Coltrane13:51

They're they're all in their sort of early thirties, yes and I'm in my early forties.

Robbie Coltrane13:55

So I I sort of started late really. I really should have concentrated harder when I was young as they they say in the school reports.

Presenter14:02

You you're also um obviously b bigger than all of them. Do you think your size had much to do at that stage?

Robbie Coltrane14:08

With your being

Presenter14:08

With your being cast.

Robbie Coltrane14:09

Well, I wasn't as big then as I am now, it has to be said. Um I don't know. I've always I mean, people do try and cast you because of your size, but I mean Tootti Frutti, for example, uh I mean that was a a romantic lead. You wouldn't have associated it with a

Presenter14:22

It's a

Presenter14:23

No, you I mean your size was irrelevant then.

Robbie Coltrane14:23

Yeah.

Robbie Coltrane14:25

Irrelevant. Well, it's as it's as relevant uh or ir irrelevant as you want it to be. I mean I was offered a lot of Fat Man parts and when I first came to London I was offered a lot of parts, um oh get the big Glasgow blout they do the beating app, you know, and I was too proud to take that sort of work. So it was

Presenter14:40

But my real question is, isn't your size limiting in your profession?

Robbie Coltrane14:46

It is probably, yes. I mean what what I should do is lose lose a hundred pounds and play James Bond. Maybe I'll do that this year.

Presenter14:53

Does it worry you?

Robbie Coltrane14:53

Let's see if I can get the voice going properly, Miss Moneypenny.

Presenter14:57

Does it worry you, your weight?

Robbie Coltrane14:59

Um, well I lost uh close onto three stones last year and I'll I'll lose about five this year I think.

Presenter15:04

But in the meantime you put it back on again, do you?

Robbie Coltrane15:06

No, no, I haven't. I haven't put it back on, you cheeky besombie.

Presenter15:10

We take that.

Robbie Coltrane15:11

Can't have that coffee back, thank you.

Presenter15:12

But is there a part that you really covet that you know can never be yours?

Robbie Coltrane15:18

Well, I'm too big to get into a racing car. That's that's about the only size thing that that's really deeply upset me. I was privileged I I mean, totally privileged to be allowed to sit in a two fifty F Maserati the other day. Fangio Zone.

Robbie Coltrane15:34

And I couldn't get into it and I thought, oh god, this is terrible.

Robbie Coltrane15:38

And that was the first time I remember, because I I would dearly love a crack at one of those.

Presenter15:42

So it's another two-stone off this year.

Robbie Coltrane15:44

Each leg, each leg, you kind girl, slip behind the wheel.

Presenter15:46

Slip behind the wheel. We shall talk about your motoring in a minute, but let's have another record. What is it?

Robbie Coltrane15:52

The next one is young Charles Parker, who's another he was he was another fellow who I heard I sort of progressed from Louis Armstrong to Charlie Parker.

Robbie Coltrane16:01

Of course, most of Charlie Parker's great works were only about ten years old when I heard this. This is from his his days in

Robbie Coltrane16:08

In the village, giving it loudly on Coco.

Speaker 416:27

Mm-hmm.

Presenter17:10

Charlie Parker and Coco. So let's talk about the motoring. You've got eight vintage cars in a cowshed, is that right? Out back.

Robbie Coltrane17:18

I wish they were all vintage. They're mainly old bangers really. I've a couple of old Cadillacs that I picked up for my travels in the States. When I was young, I used to have a fantasy about opening a shed door and finding a Bugatti with flat tires and an old waify thing. Oh, just take it away. That's sort of every boy's dream, really. But every time you take a carburetor apart or a gearbox or whatever it is, there's usually about a hundred years' history of thought in that. All the problems are the same, but they're solved in completely different ways. French cars have a completely different way of looking at the world than German cars do. German cars are wonderfully functional, but 90% ugly. British cars are terribly stalwart, but they've they've got they like to look like a sitting room. Like British cars always have walnut veneers. No one in the world puts in walnut veneers but the British, because it has to look like a like a sitting room, you see. Uh Italian cars are usually tin boxes, wonderfully engineered, they rust in five years'cause they want another one with bigger fins and uh

Robbie Coltrane18:15

You can see all the national characteristics of them. And really, it is a physical.

Robbie Coltrane18:20

replica of the history of ideas in the way that um books are a philosophy or anything else.

Presenter18:26

Is that how you relax? You kind of take them to pieces and put them together again and

Robbie Coltrane18:29

Um, well, my girlfriend reckons I don't really relax at all. She says that she thinks I relax by

Robbie Coltrane18:35

Doing something different. And I think that that's the old Calvinist in me. I'm not one for sitting in my bot for long.

Presenter18:40

So you're a practical man, good with your hands.

Robbie Coltrane18:42

Through with me, Anne's.

Presenter18:43

No problems for you making the shelter or catting.

Robbie Coltrane18:46

No, I quite look forward to that as a bit of a challenge.

Presenter18:48

But what about the survival of the other kind, of the spirit and of the intellect? I mean, are you any

Robbie Coltrane18:54

Are you any good on your own? Well, I you know, I spend quite a lot of time on my own, working and uh reading and uh you know learning scripts and so on. But I I my id idea of the perfect day is to spend most of it on my own, but in the certain knowledge that I'll be you know, that herself will be home at seven. But I wonder I mean stripped

Presenter19:11

Stripped of that.

Robbie Coltrane19:12

Stripped to that, I don't know. I think I'll be okay, actually.

Presenter19:15

Could make yourself laugh.

Robbie Coltrane19:16

I could be myself. Some say that's the only person I can make laugh.

Presenter19:19

I'm like

Presenter19:21

Next one.

Robbie Coltrane19:22

Tell myself terrible jokes. Um oh yes, I love this. I just love this. The first the moment I heard this, I fell in love with this and it's sort of become a second national anthem in Scotland. Uh the proclaimers. I'd I I don't know if it's called Letter.

Robbie Coltrane19:35

From America. I think it is. Certainly that's one of the main works of it.

Speaker 419:40

When you go, well you said back a letter from a very card tickle

Speaker 419:51

Cut the rail track

Speaker 419:53

From my army to kind of dummy

Speaker 419:58

Broke up on my wheels the other day Spent the evening thinking about all of my

Presenter20:07

The proclaimer's singing Letter from America, bringing a tear to Robbie Coltrane's eye, I can see.

Robbie Coltrane20:12

Well, sort of. I mean, it's a very it's a wonderful, wonderful tune. I mean, quite irresistible as a sort of anthem of any sort. But also the words, you know, it's it's really it's really about what's happened to Scotland since the clearances about it, because um

Robbie Coltrane20:27

Uh every Glaswegian's got an Auntie Mary in Chicago and an Uncle Jim in Tallahassee, you know, because so many of them had to leave because of the clearances. And then all the factories that have closed, uh, you know, which I mentioned, Loch Harbour and so on in the in the words, and it's um

Robbie Coltrane20:42

It gives me a picture of all these old wifies with their entire belongings and a big tartan shawl climbing on a steamer, and I'm glad to say that it seems to have slowed down a bit, with more people going.

Robbie Coltrane20:52

Back to Scotland, the more people in Scotland do feel they can

Presenter20:54

Well, you've got to get a gun.

Robbie Coltrane20:55

You've got to get away from the game.

Presenter20:57

And you you you've kind of quit on London really and gone back where you came?

Robbie Coltrane20:57

I'm mute.

Robbie Coltrane21:02

Some say I was asked to leave soon.

Robbie Coltrane21:04

Uh well not really. I just I always wanted to live in Scotland, but I had to wait until, you know, everybody knew my name, as they say in the old song.

Presenter21:11

Tell me about preparing for a film role. Uh how much preparation do you do for it? I mean, you made a a film um that came out last year, The Pope Must Die, and there you were playing Pope Dave the First.

Robbie Coltrane21:20

I don't know you were

Presenter21:23

How much research goes into that, or do you just do it off the cuff as you think?

Robbie Coltrane21:26

Well, no, you can't really do it off the cuff b because you have to there are so many people to be offended uh and usually for small details. So

Robbie Coltrane21:35

Far better to get the details right and offend people properly than to show that you put a bit of effort into it.

Presenter21:40

I feel that you put a bit of effort in

Presenter21:43

So how do you research to become a pope?

Robbie Coltrane21:45

Well, not to become a mother.

Presenter21:46

I've never asked that question because.

Robbie Coltrane21:47

Well, actually, I said somebody the other day, they said, was it not cold in Yugoslavia? And I said it was, but the Pope's outfit is a very warm one. And I said it quite quite seriously. People thought I was being very flash.

Robbie Coltrane22:01

The Pope thing, he really had to get the Pope wrong, so I didn't bother looking at the Pope. But he was a priest, so I did have a good look at priests.

Presenter22:09

How good a look

Robbie Coltrane22:10

And well, I was in Italy for a couple of weeks, and they have an enviable life apart from the celibacy, which I certainly couldn't cope with, because they're part of the community. And they know, quite reminding me of my dad in a way, because he, when you're a doctor, you look after somebody from childhood to the grave, assuming you outlive them, and you see people born and die, and they have a distinct place in the community. They can say hello and how are you to anybody in the community, and they're welcome at every table. So I thought.

Robbie Coltrane22:38

Not a bad life.

Presenter22:39

But you must have cut a very strange figure, hanging round the Vatican staring at priests.

Robbie Coltrane22:43

Not really,'cause they were everywhere. I I drove my old TR two over there, so that gave it a bit of interest.

Robbie Coltrane22:50

It was the end of the holiday season and uh it was it was wonderful.

Presenter22:54

So I mean to that extent acting i i is is a craft, obviously. It's something that you study and you you research and you try and get absolutely correct and and neat and tidy.

Robbie Coltrane23:02

Do you

Robbie Coltrane23:05

Neaten

Presenter23:06

But then when where does the creative bit come in then? When do you just sort of hope that there's inspiration in the moment of performance?

Robbie Coltrane23:13

Well that's it. I mean it's what Emma Thompson calls not getting found out. In my early days I I'd you'd walk onto the film set and you knew your words and stuff and then on take three you'd suddenly think, Oh God, what I should be doing is blah de blah de blah and by that time it's too late. So it's the difference between competence and you know a wee bit of the old uh bizarrez, the old magic. Because if you're still struggling with the words or you're w worried about if you're in the right place or are you blocking somebody's light or are you in focus or out of frame, then there's no room for the magic. That then you just get the mechanics.

Robbie Coltrane23:51

Cool. Sounds a bit pretentious, doesn't it? But it's it's the truth.

Presenter23:54

You're obviously the kind of actor who gets on very well with the cameraman.

Robbie Coltrane23:57

Yes, I do. I pester them like that. But it w it stood me in good stead'cause I directed this year and I I knew what was going on. I didn't have to say, pass me that black thing with the funny shiny front, you know, I I was able to say, I think it's a forty and uh quite convincingly, no one laughed, I'm glad to say.

Presenter24:14

You weren't found out.

Robbie Coltrane24:15

I wasn't found out.

Presenter24:16

Record number six.

Robbie Coltrane24:18

Oh yes, uh for Israel.

Robbie Coltrane24:21

It's a wonderful piece of work. Funnily enough, Peter Richardson picked it for The Pope Must I, some of the scenes of The Pope Must I and he said he said, Do you know For Israel? And I said, It's it's in my blood. Um it's a curious mixture of music, because on the one hand it is very holy, because it's all about

Robbie Coltrane24:37

the transition when you die between being a human being and being a spirit. Uh but it's also very sexy, it's very sensuous and apparently they banned it in English churches for a long time.

Robbie Coltrane24:47

Which is a a good recommendation for anything, I would say.

Presenter25:49

Part of the Sanctus from Forays Requiem Opus Forty Eight, sung by the Edinburgh Festival Chorus with soprano Sheila Armstrong and baritone Dietrich Fischer Diskau with the Paris Orchestra conducted by Daniel Baremboim. You got a lot of

Robbie Coltrane26:02

Quite a turnout that afternoon, wasn't it? It was a terrific recording.

Presenter26:03

It's a terrific recording.

Presenter26:05

You got a lot of stick during last year for advertising Purcell washing up liquid, and feature writers accused you of betraying your left-wing credentials or

Robbie Coltrane26:10

Feature writers accused you of

Robbie Coltrane26:14

Uh-huh.

Presenter26:15

Doing it for the money.

Robbie Coltrane26:16

Well I did it for the money, obviously.

Presenter26:17

Well, quite. I mean What's your defence for behaving so outrageously?

Robbie Coltrane26:22

Well, you know, every time you work for I T V you work for you know, the the money is is gathered by advertising. And I I've been offered enormous sums to advertise dodgy organizations and um

Robbie Coltrane26:33

People who I

Robbie Coltrane26:34

you know, have no great sympathy with and and uh you know advertisements that try and

Robbie Coltrane26:39

Sell people lifestyles that they'll

Robbie Coltrane26:41

they'll never have and and th all there are a lot of advertisements that make children want to buy things they don't need and so on and I thought it was quite uh an innocent idea. I mean everybody washes the dishes, everybody uses washing out liquid and

Presenter26:53

And you were a man.

Robbie Coltrane26:54

And personally is very good. Well, exactly. It wasn't there was no sort of sexual stereotypes.

Presenter26:57

And what about wi with with the lady in your life, Rona?

Robbie Coltrane27:01

Yeah.

Presenter27:01

You don't have to be funny. You can just relax, can you? Or does she expect a laugh?

Robbie Coltrane27:05

Um well she's very funny and uh she is extremely funny in fact and um she keeps me on my toes and I keep her on her toes. It's there's a there's a fair uh um amount of competition which I think is very healthy in a relationship.

Presenter27:18

But is it a strain when you go out? I mean, people expect you to be funny. They expect you to churn out the

Robbie Coltrane27:22

Well I don't I don't know that they do. I mean there's a sort of person who expects it, but they're the sort of person who when they're not giving you a hard time are giving everyone else in the pub a hard time. I think the public's intelligence tends to be very underrated the whole time. I mean you get guys hanging off building sites saying, How you doing, big rabb and it's all usually very good natured. But I mean you I don't go to pubs anymore because towards closing time you there's always somebody who wants to to have a go at you and so on and uh

Presenter27:22

Is that the main thing?

Robbie Coltrane27:48

I mean really it's about the dissatisfactions they have with their own life, but that doesn't help me if you're trying to have a quiet pint.

Presenter27:53

But it takes courage, surely, to be known as a funny man, to stand up the corner at a party and

Presenter28:00

you know, be boring.

Robbie Coltrane28:01

Be boring. Well, it's it's um the courage to be ordinary, as they say. And uh it's come to me late in life. I used to feel quite heavily obliged to sort of show off terribly at dinner parties and things, but not actually funnily since, you know, I've made a living out of it. Curiously enough, it's c that kind of needs dissipated. I think you'll find that with most people.

Presenter28:20

So now people can invite you to dinner safe in the knowledge that you're deeply gorgeous.

Presenter28:24

Yeah.

Robbie Coltrane28:28

Yeah.

Presenter28:29

Music: Number seven, I hang out.

Robbie Coltrane28:31

Well, this is um this reminds me of a very happy time in my life when I was in New York, um, hanging about with a lot of underground filmmakers, mainly a a guy called Amos Poe, who I made a film with this year in New York, who's a

Robbie Coltrane28:42

A sort of unsung genius, he was the man who invented the term punk.

Robbie Coltrane28:46

And made the first punk film in New York at CBGB's and Max's Kansas City and all those clubs where the Ramones and Blondie and all those people used to play in the in the sort of late seventies. And John Lurie was in the film, played a psychopathic sax player and I had to chase him through the New York subway system, which of course is a dream come true. And they paid me. And this is Harlan Nocturne.

Presenter30:07

JOHN LORY AND THE LONGE LIZARDS, HAARLAM, NOCTON.

Presenter30:12

So uh the work's pouring in, Robbie. Money is not a problem. You're living in a house that you like, in a part of the world that you love, with a

Speaker 430:19

Uh

Robbie Coltrane30:19

Yeah.

Presenter30:20

Woman of your choice.

Robbie Coltrane30:21

Hmm.

Presenter30:22

It all sounds a bit perfect, really.

Robbie Coltrane30:23

It does, doesn't it? Yes, I'm just waiting for one of my legs to fall off, really.

Presenter30:27

You're a lucky man, are you?

Robbie Coltrane30:29

I thi I've I've been down lucky, I think, really. Yes, I think I would say that.

Presenter30:33

But what worries you? What really worries you?

Robbie Coltrane30:36

I suppose I worry about dying and things like that, like most people do.

Presenter30:39

Would you worry uh about losing your edge?

Robbie Coltrane30:42

Um, yes, it's a constant fear. I have nightmares about that.

Presenter30:46

Yeah.

Speaker 430:46

Two?

Robbie Coltrane30:46

Yeah, but you can't stay uh a wild and crazy young guy all your life. And hopefully what happens is that your perception of the world becomes more mature and and people g you know, age with you, I suppose that's all they

Presenter30:57

But you have to retain that element of danger to be good, don't you?

Robbie Coltrane30:59

You sure, don't you? Yeah, you do. Yeah. But I mean the battle doesn't have to be between being unstable and being smug. There's there's lots in between, I think.

Presenter31:09

And and what would you

Robbie Coltrane31:10

he said, showing off his bright yellow socks.

Presenter31:13

Well if you just suddenly

Presenter31:15

As you came into fashion, went out of fashion.

Robbie Coltrane31:18

Mm-hmm.

Presenter31:19

How hard would that hit you?

Robbie Coltrane31:21

Very hard indeed, because it it means uh it would mean I I wouldn't work.

Robbie Coltrane31:24

I mean, I think that's true with everybody. That's why unemployment's such a terrible thing, because, um

Robbie Coltrane31:29

Are we to be judged by what we've done, as it says in the song? And I think we probably

Robbie Coltrane31:33

you know, are.

Presenter31:34

And on a practical financial level, I mean, are you prepared for that day? Have you got your

Robbie Coltrane31:38

Or I'm well covered. You see us the jogs. I'm very careful about it. I'm well pensioned.

Presenter31:42

I'm glad I didn't say that. You are genuinely well pensioned. You're quite a neat and tidy person, aren't you?

Robbie Coltrane31:42

I'm glad I didn't say that.

Robbie Coltrane31:46

Yeah, you can see that.

Robbie Coltrane31:49

Not neat and tidy, but the boarding houses in uh in the south coast are full of people that were famous in the sixties and I I'm not going to be one of those.

Presenter31:56

Last record.

Robbie Coltrane31:57

Last record is um the Eurythmics uh singing Love is a Stranger.

Presenter32:02

Why do you want that?

Robbie Coltrane32:03

Well, because on our first date I turned up in an open car.

Robbie Coltrane32:08

And uh it was a red uh Oldsmobile Cutlass, I don't know if you know them, rather naughty late sixties. And um it's kind of our song.

Presenter32:17

There you go, you see. There's al there's always a real reason underneath it.

Speaker 432:22

Who love is a stranger in another world

Speaker 432:26

Tempt you in and drive you far away

Speaker 432:38

And I want you, and I want you, and I want you so it's a possession.

Presenter32:44

Scott!

Presenter32:49

The eurythmic singing Love is a Stranger in an open car that takes you far away. Which one of the eight, Robbie, if you could only have one on this island, all alone? Of the records.

Robbie Coltrane32:58

Of the records.

Presenter32:59

Oh.

Robbie Coltrane32:59

Gold, I don't know really.

Robbie Coltrane33:02

That's terribly hard, isn't it?

Robbie Coltrane33:05

I suppose really I'd have the proclaimer because that would remind me of everything I was missing really.

Presenter33:10

Die quote

Robbie Coltrane33:10

At home, well home, obviously, Scotland.

Presenter33:13

And your book. You got the Bible and Shakespeare waiting for you.

Robbie Coltrane33:16

Well, is the Bible compulsory?

Presenter33:19

Mm-hmm.

Robbie Coltrane33:20

I've never found an awfully good read myself. Songs of Solomon and one or two of the po poems I like. Generally a very dull book.

Robbie Coltrane33:28

It's very very hard to decide. I I thought well Shakespeare

Robbie Coltrane33:32

Is the you know, if somebody arrived from outer space and said, What are human beings like? you'd hand them Shakespeare and say, Look, read that, mate. Come back in five years' time and you'll have got us all. So I thought what I would need to was to remind me of what I was missing, and mostly I would think.

Robbie Coltrane33:49

I'd be missing the cities. I'd be missing the city and Smart Alex and Dames of Red Lipstick and Motor Cars and

Robbie Coltrane33:59

you know, life in the city. So I think it would have to be Raymond Chandler.

Presenter34:03

Which one?

Robbie Coltrane34:05

Well, there are so many. There's a great anthology out, actually.

Presenter34:08

No, no.

Robbie Coltrane34:08

Oh, you rotter.

Presenter34:10

Name your book.

Robbie Coltrane34:11

Lady in the Lake

Presenter34:12

Yeah.

Presenter34:13

And your luxury.

Robbie Coltrane34:15

When luxury is a a fierce battle between a fifty-six Cadillac and uh

Robbie Coltrane34:21

Um, endless supplies of paper and pencils. I think if I I think probably I would plump for the pencils and the paper because I could always draw.

Robbie Coltrane34:28

And write hopefully: Dear Diary, I have been here for seventeen years, it is another sunny day.

Presenter34:37

Robbie Coltrane, thank you very much indeed for letting us hear your desert island discs.

Robbie Coltrane34:40

My pleasure.

Speaker 234:48

You've been listening to a podcast from the Desert Island Discs Archive. For more podcasts, please visit bbc.co.uk slash radio four.